Hunter Clarke-Fields - Raising Good Humans

Raising Good Humans brings a wise and fresh approach to mindful parenting. Drawing from her own struggles with the challenges of parenthood, Hunter Clarke-Fields outlines the key skills that are necessary to step out of stories of not good enough and to create more loving, cooperative, and harmonious family relationships.

Tara Brach, PhD , author of Radical Acceptance

Raising Good Humans is the guidebook parents need to instill confidence, mental health, and independence in our children while building a durable relationship with them. Written with the compassion, clarity, and truth of someone whos helped families with a variety of issues, Raising Good Humans is chock-full of insights, strategies, and exercises for becoming a more mindful parent. Hunter Clarke-Fields is a persuasive evangelist for the power of meditation in our lives and our childrens lives. Her book will transform your life for the betterif you embrace the journey. One of the best parenting books Ive ever read.

Katherine Reynolds Lewis , author of The Good News About Bad Behavior

Raising Good Humans is a loving and honest road map that teaches parents ways to skillfully navigate challenges, as well deepen joy, connection, and love with our children.

Shauna Shapiro, PhD , professor in the department of psychology at Santa Clara University, and author of Good Morning, I Love You

Hunter Clarke-Fields gets it: to raise the children we hope to raise, we have to learn to become the person we hoped to beand both goals are a journey, not a destination. This wonderful book will help you handle the ride.

KJ DellAntonia , author of How to Be a Happier Parent , and former editor of The New York Times Motherlode blog

After reading Hunter Clarke-Fieldss fantastic new book, Raising Good Humans , I found myself hopeful, if not downright happy, about the future. Young parents are the most important leaders on the planet, and this guide will both inspire and instruct them how to immediately stop raising kids and start leading their babies into good adults.

Hal Runkel , New York Times bestselling author of ScreamFree Parenting

Raising Good Humans is a clear and direct guide to transforming your relationships with your kids. Rich with touching stories and practical exercises, it shows how healthy parenting stems from your ability to be self-aware and embody what you want most for your kids. Parents everywhere will benefit from Hunter Clarke-Fieldss wisdom, humor, and practical guidance in navigating the messy terrain of raising children.

Oren Jay Sofer , author of Say What You Mean

In Raising Good Humans , Hunter Clarke-Fields shares her wisdom and personal experience to help parents create peaceful families. Readers will find information and exercises to enhance their ability to ride the rollercoaster of raising kids while maintaining their own sense of emotional equilibrium.

Joanna Faber and Julie King , coauthors of How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and its companion app, Pocket Parent

One of the most difficult tasks anyone can undertake is having and raising children. In Raising Good Humans , Hunter Clarke-Fields instructs and reminds us that children need more than food, clothing, and shelter. She tells us what the more is and how to provide it. Thank you, Hunter.

Iyanla Vanzant , host of Iyanla: Fix My Life (OWN)

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2019 by Hunter Clarke-Fields

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Sara Christian

Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis-Hansen

Edited by Marisa Sols

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

For my daughters, who have been amazing teachers, sources of abundant love and joy, and miracles of the universe that I remain in awe of. Thank you.

Contents

Foreword

My early years of parenting were, well, a mess. I was exhausted, irritable, and deeply confused. Yes, I had sweet moments with my daughters, but I was also losing my temper with them. A lot. While other mothers were identifying as Attachment Parents or Tiger Moms, I was apparently subscribing to the Unpredictable and Unhelpful style of parenting. Ugh.

Eventually, I found myself on a journey similar to the one Hunter Clarke-Fields describes early in this book. I inhaled every piece of parenting advice I could find. I read books, signed up for webinars and virtual summits, and made parenting plans that would put high-end event planners to shame. I was going to change.

I did not change.

I didnt realize it at the time, but I didnt need more information. I needed insight and strategies based on those insights. I needed to understand why I was losing my temper and how to stay calm enough to make use of all of the advice I was coming across.

Eventually, I found my way to mindfulness classes.

Dont get me wrong. I was deeply skeptical. I thought mindfulness was a passing fad, no more relevant to my parenting challenges than the drum circles I openly mocked in my college days. As skeptical as I was, though, I was desperate for change and healing and anything that would help me stay calm in rough parenting moments. So I got over myself and gave it a shot.

Over the following months and years, I learned that mindfulness has nothing to do with drum circles or kombucha or clearing my mind.

It was about noticingnoticing what was going on in and around me at any given moment. Rather than judging or freaking out about whatever I found, I learned to get curious about what I noticed. Perhaps most important, I learned how to have compassion for myself in the really hard parenting momentsbecause, make no mistake about it, no matter how mindful you are, there will always be hard parenting moments.

My mindfulness practice made a huge difference in my parenting experience. The more I meditated, the less reactive I was. The more often I noticed I was about to lose it with my kids, the less likely I was to actually lose it. Instead of berating myself for my mistakes, I reminded myself that parenting is hard for everyone and that its okay to screw up. I can always begin again.

Once I learned how to calm myself down, I realized that I had an entirely new problem. I had no idea what to say to my kids when I wasnt yelling at them. The truth is that I still wanted them to stop crying or fighting or bickering, but now that I was no longer overriding their meltdown with my own, I was at a loss for words. Once again, I had to dive back into parenting advice to literally learn a new language.

Oh, how I wish Hunter had written Raising Good Humans a decade ago.

But heres the thing. She didnt write it back then because she was still on her parenting journey, one that was similar to mine but also uniquely her own, as journeys always are. The fact that Hunter has also lived through the joys and challenges of parenting (and continues to do so even now) is just one of the reasons why Raising Good Humans is such a powerful book.

The other reasons all have to do with who Hunter is and what she believes, much of which is encapsulated in my favorite quote from the book: Want some major personal growth? Six months with a preschooler can be more effective than years alone on a mountain top.