Anna Salter - Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, And Other Sex Offenders

Im beginning this Foreword as I will close it: Thank you, Anna Salter, for casting your authoritative light on sexual abuse while most people find it easier to look away or even deny that it exists. It is easier for most parents to wring their hands about the unknown molester who might wander into the neighborhood than to accept that someone who they invited into the house is sexually abusing their childeven though the majority of sexual abuse is committed by someone the family knows.

Hard as it is to accept the idea that a well-liked neighbor or family friend might be sexually abusing a child, imagine the idea that its someone in your own family. Its easy to replace that unwelcome thought with a warmer one like, Not in this family.

And yet one in three girls and one in six boys will have sexual contact with an adult, so it must be occurring in someones family. Wherever sexual abuse occurs, there are unwitting parents or caregivers witnessing the performance that precedes the crime, choosing not to see clearly as predators persuade children to trust them. Nave parents are often unconscious co-conspirators in cases of sexual abuse, designing theories to explain the onset of a childs sleep disturbances or eating problems or sudden fear of that same adult she liked so much just a week ago.

If a discussion requires exploration of harsh truths some parents will try to wriggle away: Talking about those things, you just bring them on, or Yes, I know all about that stuff; can we please change to a happier subject? Under pressure, though, they will ultimately acknowledge the risks, realizing that appearing to know is often the best defense against unwanted knowledge. These parents are not stupidto the contrary, there is brilliance in the creative ways that they exclude their children from the discussion. Youre so right, they say: Sexual abuse is an enormous problem, particularly for young teens. Thank God mine arent there yet.

No, sorry, says reality, the most common age at which sexual abuse begins is three.

Well, sure, if you have homosexuals around small children, theres a risk.

No, sorry, says reality, most sexual abuse is committed by heterosexual males.

Yeah, but that kind of pervert isnt living in our neighborhood.

Sorry, says reality, but that kind of pervert is living in your neighborhood. The Department of Justice estimates that on average, there is one child molester per square mile in the United States.

Well, at least the police know who these people are.

Not likely, says reality, since the average child molester victimizes between 50 and 150 children before he is ever arrested (and many more after he is arrested).

When all defenses against reality are taken away, some parents switch to resignation, literally resigning from responsibility: Well, theres nothing you can do about it anyway. This misplaced fatalism actually becomes fatal for some children.

Another common refrain uttered by deniers of the dangers of sexual abuse is: Well, kids are resilient. When bad things happen, they bounce back.

Absolutely not, says reality. Children do not bounce back. They adjust, they conceal, they repress, and sometimes they accept and move on, but they dont bounce back.

If I seem hard on denial, I have my reasons, reasons that make me grateful the pages of Predators contain an antidote to denial: well-researched, clearly presented information. We learn from Anna Salter that the sexual offender is also in denial, that he is a criminal who chooses to stay on the road he is on even when its clear where it will carry him. Salter has interviewed enough sexual offenders to learn the most alarming truth: Many feel entitled to every predatory prize they can win and simply do not care about the cost to others. They are, in short, cruel.

And for virtually every cruelty done to a child, there is an audience of deniers that sees the signals and quickly closes their eyes.

The solution to sexual violence in America is not more laws, more guns, more police, or more prisons. The solution to sexual violence is acceptance of reality.

One of the starkest realities is that sexual predators are stunningly effective at gaining control over their victims.

There are two basic predatory types, the power-predator and the persuasion-predator. The power-predator charges like a bear, unmistakably committing to his attack. Because of this, he cannot easily retreat and say there was merely a misunderstanding. Accordingly, he strikes only when he feels certain hell prevail.

The far more common offender is a persuasion-predator. This type of criminal looks for a vulnerable victim, someone who will allow him to be in control. Like a shark circling potential prey, the persuasion-predator approaches slowly and watches to see how people react to his advances. He begins a dialogue and with each favorable response he elicits, he circles closer. He makes a small initial investment, a low-risk strategy that allows him to test the waters and move on with nobody the wiser if things dont go well. He is a coward, a crafty one, but a coward nonetheless.

A predators selection of victims can be as complex and inexplicable as sexual attraction is for adults, with one important distinction: For most pedophiles, vulnerability is, all by itself, stimulating. Just as with animals, human predators must separate their targets from the flock. Taking children from parents is rarely done with force; kids are not stolen at gunpoint. They are taken through a form of seduction, one that aims not at passion, but at trustyours or your childs. Misplaced trust is the predators most powerful resource, and we can decide whether or not to give it to him.