Wendy Watson Nelson - Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Nelson, Wendy Watson, 1950

Change your questions, change your life / Wendy Watson Nelson.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-59038-598-2 (hardbound alk. paper)

1. Questioning. 2. IntrospectionReligious aspectsChurch of Jesus

Christ of Latter-day Saints. 3. Self-actualization

(Psychology)Religious aspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day

Saints. 4. Christian lifeMormon authors. I. Title.

BX8656.N442009

248.4'893dc222009034331

Printed in China

R. R. Donnelley, Shenzhen, China

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Elder Russell M. Nelson
who, with one question, changed my life
turning it upside down, or as he likes to say
turning it right side up!

Chapter 1

The Power of Questions

Chapter 1

The Power of Questions

Seeing It As It Is

Questions can be powerful!
Questions can help us see things we havent seen before!

It was a photo I took of a leopard that most recently taught me this truth.

I was with my husband on a game park in South Africa. We had a guide and a tracker and we were traveling in an open Land Rover. (The operative word is open.)

This was my view as we traveled through the South African wilderness. Note the gun. This was no Disney safari!

We spotted elephants and zebras and giraffes. We were very close to the animals and the guide told us how to remain safe:

Keep your arms and hands inside the vehicle. Be quiet and dont stand up to view the animals. They are used to the shape of the vehicle and will leave us alone as long as the shape stays the same.

There was no question about my willingness to be compliant.

We drove for hours on end, very early in the morning and in the evening. The cold of the desert was intense, and we layered every item of clothing we had broughtand then borrowed more. As we roamed the land our eyes became more able to spot camouflaged animals, and our ears heard the rustling of creatures more quickly. Upon sighting an animal or grouping, our tracker and guide would position our vehicle as close as possible to the animals.

Here is the evidence of their success:

I gasped when I saw this photo. And I had taken it! I dont own a sophisticated camera with a huge telephoto lens. Mine is a small digital camera I can hold in my hand. It is great for family photos. So when I got home from the trip and was reviewing my photos in the safety of my living room, I saw something I had not seen before.

While taking the photo, I had known we were very close to the animalso close that I could have literally patted that leopards head. But looking at the photo made me realize just how close we had been, and it made me shudder, especially when I recalled what my husband said as the animal walked away: I didnt like the way that leopard was looking at you!

Looking at the photo, I could see exactly how he had been looking at me. And I didnt like it, either. Why hadnt I seen it at the time?

The reality revealed through the photo allowed me to see something I hadnt seen in the actual live moment. Looking at the photograph now was like getting a whack on the side of my head, and I asked myself:

What was I doing in such a dangerous situation?

At the time it hadnt seemed that dangerous. But with some distance and some reflectionboth of which the photo providedthe danger of the situation was undeniable.

Perhaps thats similar to other situations in our lives.

We live with them day after dayuntil something causes us to see ourselves and the situation in a new way, and we recognize the danger for what it is: Life-threatening. Spirituality-threatening. Relationship-threatening. And we know that a change is urgently needed.

I shared the experience with a group of women. One wrote the following in a note to me:

The story you shared of your experience with the leopard has given me something that I cannot adequately describe but that was, and is, essential to my future and every choice I make from here on out. Truly no exaggeration.

What? A story about a photo of a leopard caught a womans mind and heart in such a way that it will now influence her future and every choice she will make from here on out? Really? How could that be?

Her note continued:

That you did not recognize how dangerous the situation was while you were in it, but only after you saw the photograph of the leopard, is analogous to my life. Your leopard-picture story helped me today because I will no longer feel stupid or inept for living in a dangerous situation for the time I did. I no longer feel defective.

Intellectually, Ive already recognized that I was in a survival mode and simply did not connect to any fear. But emotionally Ive been berating myself for not recognizing and taking action sooner. No longer will I berate myself. I did the best I could! And I left as soon as I knew what was really going on. When I saw the full picture.

Asking great questions does just that.

Great questions allow us to see a fuller picture.

Great questions can motivate us to change because they invite us to reflect. They help us to see some part of ourselves or others or a situation weve never been able to see before!

A wise Chilean biologist defined the term reflection in exactly that way:

The moment of reflection... is the moment when we become aware of that part of ourselves which we cannot see in any other way.

The Savior invited the men who were ready to stone a woman to reflectto see a part of themselves that they could not see in any other way. As the scribes and the Pharisees railed on about the punishment a woman taken in sin should receive, Jesus stooped down and traced with His finger on the ground. He invited them to take a close look at themselves by saying, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her (John 8:7). The men judged themselves and slunk away in shame and disgrace.

The power of questions comes from their ability to invite us to reflect!

If you want a great experience with questions, and with being invited over and over again to reflect upon your life, read Alma 5. There are at least forty questions within that one chapter. I never seem to be able to get an accurate count because Almas questions are so effective that I start thinking and reflecting... and I lose count.

Try it

Read Alma 5 and select your favorite questions. Then answer them.

Alma invites us to look at our lives through the mirror of the Lordthe most important mirror of all. Alma invites us to reflect upon our standing before the Lord and increase our desire to change and to be betterall through the use of great questions!