Linda Todd - You and Your Newborn Baby: A Guide to the First Months After Birth

The Harvard Common Press
535 Albany Street
Boston, Massachusetts 02118

Copyright 1993 by Linda Todd

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or
any information storage or retrieval system, without
permission in writing from the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Todd, Linda.
You and your newborn baby : a guide to the first
months after birth / Linda Todd,
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-55832-055-5
ISBN 1-55832-054-7 (pbk.)
1. Infants (Newborn)Care. 2. Postnatal care.
I. Title.
RJ253.T63 1993
649'.12dc20 92-47389

Cover art by Glenna Lang
Cover design by Joyce C. West on
Illustrations by Susan Aldridge

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To Anne Todd and Joy Peterson, who, though not parents themselves, epitomize the essential gift of motherhood, that of unconditional love. Anne, sister-in-law, soul mate, and family physician, died before her time. Her wisdom, expertise, and laugh were sorely needed, and greatly missed, many times while I completed this book. Joy, my own sister, has shared my family's life in a way that has made us all richer by far. Never was a human being more aptly named!

In the twenty years since I became a childbirth educator, two characteristics have remained constant among the parents with whom I've workedan eagerness to learn and a powerful desire to get their families off to a good start. These characteristics are evident in the teen mother and the couple beginning their family at age forty, in the single woman planning to raise her child on her own and in the couple in a committed relationship. This drive and devotion transcend color, religion, and ethnic origin.

In the same two decades, however, I have seen many changes in what women and men want to learn as they make the transition from pregnancy to parenting. Today's families insist that their childbirth preparation classes cover the time beyond birth as well as the birth itself. "What are babies like?" "How do you care for them?" "What will life be like in the first months?" "How will the baby affect our relationship?" "How will I know if the baby is well?" "What do I need to know to take care of myself after the baby is born?" are all questions now commonly heard.

Expectant parents' awareness that the baby will bring great change to their lives is blended with the fear that help will not be readily available when needed. This, indeed, is often true. New families used to look to experienced parents to guide them in the early weeks. Grandparents, aunts, and the neighbor across the backyard fence or in the apartment next door were people you could depend upon. Parenting wisdom and worries were shared informally. Today's parents often find this kind of support hard to come by.

This book was written for two reasons. First, it answers many of the practical questions parents have about the first months after a baby is born, questions about themselves and about their babies. Second, it reveals the emotional adjustment parents make as they incorporate a baby into their lives, and encourages them to build their own support networks. Each network will, of course, include some professionals, but informal sources of information and support are just as important.

The information and advice offered in this book come from many sources. Incorporated here are the insights of hundreds of parents with whom I have worked, and who have generously shared their joys and sorrows, their pride and their frustrations in the work of building families. In some cases, the information offered is based on the experience of professionalsmidwives, physicians, nurses, childbirth educators, and lactation consultants. In other instances, my advice is based on scientific research, which sometimes brings clarity to matters about which new parents get a lot of conflicting advice. Finally, the advice and information offered here come from children. Two of these children are my own, who have taught me a great deal as they have moved from infancy to manhood. Many of the other children are newborn infants I have encountered in my work.

In the process of writing this book, many individuals have helped and deserve acknowledgment. Linda Ziedrich has been a tireless editor, pushing me to ensure that abstract ideas had practical application. Trish Booth, MA, ACCE, Kitty Bell, RNC, FACCE, IBCLC, Amy Lange, CNM, Janet Edwards, RN, MS, CPNA, and Kathy Thorn, RNC, MS, reviewed and commented upon the manuscript, shared their expertise, and encouraged me. Sharon and Paul Miller read the manuscript with their new daughter, Natalie, in arms. Sharon spent a morning helping me connect the written word with real life, reminding me of those things that matter to new families. Deb and Barry Todd were the first to read the manuscript, doing so as they anticipated the birth of my niece, Michaela. Their assurance that they had learned some things that would make a difference in their parenting was significant to me, especially in moments when I would have preferred doing almost anything to working on "the book." Finally, my husband, Lee, who should someday write a book on fatherhood, and my sons, Adam and Peter, who have made parenting an experience worth writing about, have been unfailing in their love and support from inception to completion of this project. No woman could ask for more than I have received from these three men.

Regardless of whether labor is long or short, whether it is hard or easy, whether a baby is born vaginally or by cesarean, most parents recall the first hours and days after birth as crystal-clear images surrounded by haze. It is in this haze that you first take in your baby and make a giant leap from pregnancy to parenting.

Despite all the anticipatory parenting done before conception and during pregnancy, despite weeks of feeling movement within and fantasizing about your baby, despite months of having strange dreams, worrisome thoughts, and musings about what kind of parent you will be, the first time you hold your baby in your arms and call yourself mother or father, mama or papa, mommy or daddy, an awareness floods over you that life will never be the same again. Another human being is now dependent upon you for survival. More than anything else, you want to be the best parent possible. Your awareness of your baby's dependency and your desire to be a good parent will together be a great source of energy and a great source of stress. Both are part of being a parent.

Becoming a good parent means much more than knowing a lot about babies. Ask pediatric doctors or nurses what it was like for them to be new parents. They will tell you that all their knowledge about babies was not enough to keep them from being over whelmed by their own babies. All new parents feel the same way. All new parents work at knowing, understanding, and loving their babies. Your baby will work just as hard at learning to know, understand, and love you. This is the process of attachmentthe work that parents and babies do together to form a deep and lasting love. It is what becoming a family is all about.

This book is written to give you some help as you make the transition from pregnancy to parenting. It offers ideas on things you can do to make this time of change easier. It is written as much to encourage as to teach you. Besides providing the information you need about taking care of yourself and your baby, it can help build your confidence in your own wisdom about your family's needs. You will find the postpartum period easier if you know what to expect during this time, if you actively participate in health-care decisions, and if you build a network of support that nurtures your growing family.