Todd Cartmell - Project Dad: The Complete, Do-It-Yourself Guide for Becoming a Great Father

project
dad

The Complete Do-It-Yourself Guide
for Becoming a Great Father

Todd Cartmell

2011 by Todd Cartmell

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

E-book edition created 2011

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

ISBN 978-1-4412-1485-0

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Scripture marked NLT is taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

DISCLAIMER: The names and details of the children, families, and situations described in this book have been carefully changed or presented in composite form, in order to provide the reader with examples of actual experiences while ensuring the privacy of the many wonderful children, teens, and parents the author has been privileged to work with.

This book is dedicated to my wife,
Lora, and my two sons, Jake and Luke,
of whom I am so proud and
who have been instrumental in
my becoming a father in the first place.
And a special dedication to my dad,
who has given me the best living picture
that any son could hope for.

Acknowledgments

I am indebted to many people involved in the writing of this book. I am ever so grateful to my editors, Vicki Crumpton and Wendy Wetzel, for being a pleasure to work with and for letting me know when my jokes were too locker room. The Revell team was outstanding, and Id like to give special thanks to Janelle Mahlmann, Cheryl Van Andel, and Melanie Evans, who worked tirelessly on this project (between breaks, of course). Id also like to thank my friends Joe Petit, Eric Rojas, and Paul Sather (all great dads) for their helpful feedback on a few chapters and especially for their advice for me to not quit my day job.

/ / / / / / / / CAUTION / / / / / / / /

You are about to begin your own Project Dad.
Your kids and family will never be the same.
Proceed at your own risk!

Introduction
The Opportunity of a Lifetime

Y ou and I already have one thing in common. We are both dads. As dads, weve had our good moments, such as learning how to change a diaper and watch ESPNs SportsCenter at the same time. However, weve had a few bonehead moments along the way as well. If you have any doubt about this, just check with your wife.

But that is not our most important similarity. Despite our God-given aversion to asking for directions, you and I both have a different kind of GPS set deep in the center of our hearts. Behind all the mental clutter created by work, coaching kindergarten soccer, and pretending to know the cause of the strange noise in our car engine (Honey, everyone knows what that noise means...*), there is an ever-present, heat-seeking, God-instilled desire.

*You have no idea what that noise means.

We want to be great dads.

If I have to run an errand, I try to take one or both of my boys with me if I can, just so we can be together. When they were younger they considered this great fun, and of course, there was always the possibility of scoring a chocolate doughnut as well. One Saturday morning, as we were headed out on our errand, three-year-old Luke looked at me with a beaming smile and said, Dad, youre the best. Yknow,hes got a point there, I thought to myself. However, just as I was getting ready to double his daily allowance of Goldfish crackers, five-year-old Jake chimed in with a correction to what he obviously perceived to be the erroneous statement previously made by his younger brother and said, Well, hes not the very, very, very, very best, but hes pretty good. To my dismay, Luke quickly reversed his position and agreed with his older brother. There was no increase in Goldfish that day.

Twelve years and countless therapy hours later,* my boys have become young men. Tonight, one of them is driving yes, I said drivingto a high school lockdown at a friends church, and the other is playing in a local basketball tournament. I havent had the guts to ask them if they think Im a great dad. Im not even sure if I should. Im afraid theyd both answer, Youre a dad? Either way, I suspect that their answer might be influenced by the fact that I control their access to video games.

*The therapy was for me, of course.

Here is a survey form I was thinking about having them fill out:

Survey
(check the appropriate boxes)

1. My dad is a great dad. Yes No

2. I want to play video games again at some point in the future. Yes No

Name: ___________________________________________

Date: ____________________________________________

All joking aside, I am fortunate to have a great relationship with my boys. They are wonderful young men who have filled my life with enough joy and laughter for a hundred lifetimes. If I were to die today, I would consider myself to have had the best experience as a father anyone could ever have.*

*Except for the dying part.

However, I have never met your kids. I dont know their strengths and weaknesses, their temperaments, their likes and dislikes, their hobbies and achievements, or for some, their particular areas of challenge. I dont know if they are easygoing or strong-willed, athletic or electronically inclined. But I do know one thing: in the way that is right for them, God made them to be great. Totally, 100 percent great. I hope someone in the next room heard you say a rousing amen to that. And if you want to raise great kids, the first step is to become a great dad.

A Few Dad Facts

One day a little girl asked her mother, Is it true that Santa Claus brings us our Christmas presents?

Yes.

And does the stork bring us babies?

Yes.

And the police department protects us?

Yes.

Then what do we need daddy for?

I could rattle off a bunch of statistics about the difference that dads make in their kids lives. The thing is, you dont need me to do that. You know in your heart that your kids need a great dad. God placed that knowledge in you the second you first laid eyes on that little scrunched-up face peeking out at you through their blue or pink hospital blanket. Your kids were made by a great God to be great kids. No argument there. So where do you come in to the equation? Simple. Those kids are counting on you to be a great dad.

But just in case youre the type that likes facts, here are a few you might find interesting:

Boys whose fathers offered praise and compliments performed better on tests of cognitive achievement than boys whose fathers were cool and aloof.