Carol Barnier - Engaging Todays Prodigal: Clear Thinking, New Approaches, and Reasons for Hope

ENGAGING TODAYS

PRODIGAL

Clear Thinking, New Approaches,
and Reasons for Hope

CAROL BARNIER

M OODY P UBLISHERS
CHICAGO

2012 by
C AROL B ARNIER

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.
Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version.

Edited by Pam Pugh
Interior design: Ragont Design
Cover design: Kirk Douponce, DogEared Design, LLC
Cover image: iStock | 1672271 and iStock | 4253221
Photogaphy by Kirk DouPonce
Author Photo: W. J. Bies

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Barnier, Carol

Engaging todays prodigal : clear thinking, new approaches, and reasons for hope / Carol Barnier.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-8024-0557-9
1. Parent and teenagerReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. ParentingReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. TeenagersFamily relationships. 4. Parent and adult childReligious aspectsChristianity. 5. Adult childrenFamily relationships.
I. Title.
BV4529.B375 2012
248.845dc23

2011043078

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I love this book. I have walked through more than a decade with a serious prodigal and have spent years praying for and ministering to families with prodigals. Carol has put it all together so well. Her analysis is insightful, her grasp of reality is true, her suggestions are so practical. The book is filled with love and truth, with help and hope and humor, and with the grace that makes redemption and restoration possible.

J UDY D OUGLASS

Author, speaker Campus Crusade For Christ

and founder of Prayer for Prodigals

Engaging Todays Prodigal gives needed insight into the heart of a prodigal child and rest for a worried, weary, and grieving parents heart. Carols story provides encouragement and hope along with practical suggestions in dealing with difficult prodigal relationships. She also lends poignant suggestions for how the church can better equip our children to face the worlds onslaught on a young believers faith, thus preparing them to face the world with confidence.

L IZ C OWEN F URMAN

Speaker, author, artist and mother of three teen boys

Insightful and gentle, Engaging Todays Prodigal is written by a former prodigal for those who love the prodigal in their lives. Devoted parents frequently carry deep blame for the choices their grown children make. With grace, Carol Barnier dismantles the myths surrounding prodigals and why they chose their path. Then she dishes up an extra-large scoop of hope.

P EGGY S UE W ELLS

Author of What to Do When

You Dont Want to Go to Church

Engaging Todays Prodigal offers hope and healing for parents doubly wounded, first by the pain of a child who has walked away from their love and then by the pain incurred by the condemnation of others around them. Carol writes in the frank, even humorous, style of a person who herself hiked the road of the prodigal. She offers practical steps to help parents survive the waiting period and clear guidelines for restoring family relationships after a child returns.

E MILY P ARKE C HASE

Author of Help! My Familys Messed Up!

Carol smashes myths about reaching prodigals while building a relationship framework that invites change. The most startling concept in Engaging Todays Prodigal is that parents of prodigals are often so focused on the wrong choices their children make that they fail to grasp some powerful, positive choices they can make themselves.

D AWN W ILSON

Founder of Heart Choices Ministries;

President of the Network of Evangelical

Women in Ministry, San Diego chapter

Ive met so many heartbroken parents of prodigals who had nowhere to turn. Carol Barnier provides that place. May this book find its way to families who need it, and even reshape communities captive to bad ideas about prodigals and their families to become havens of help instead of harm. This is a road map for parents and churches, and needs to be widely read.

J OHN S TONESTREET

Speaker and author for

Breakpoint and Summit Ministries

In our professional capacity, we speak with hundreds of home-schooling parents every year. Many of these parents watch their children grow up with a vibrant and active faith. We also serve those who have one or more rebellious children and have seen the havoc this can bring to a family. Carol Barnier, once a prodigal herself, provides insight and direction for all parents who may be struggling with the trauma and guilt that comes with having a prodigal in the family. If you have a prodigal in your family or want to be prepared just in case, please read this book.

J. M ICHAEL S MITH and M ICHAEL P. D ONNELLY

President of HSLDA and HSLDA Staff Attorney

To my mother and father,
who endured my prodigal years,
and managed to love and even like me anyway.

T he Moody TeamFrom the first contact through every aspect of publication, I have been blessed by the people at Moody and their gracious handling of all they do. In particular I appreciated Pam Pughs ability to make editing fun, as well as Keith Wiederwax and his marketing skills. Most especially, I enjoyed working with Dave DeWit in shaping the various thought directions in this book. Everything he asked of me resulted in a better book.

My Thought TeamTo the many people who have graciously allowed me to borrow their brains and bounce ideas off them. My pastor Paul Astbury, my first spiritual mentor Pr. Dave, and those first tier listeners, Lois Etienne and Sue McGill, who always hear of my ideas early, when they are mere nubs of thought.

My FamilyMy husband and children, who endure many meals of leftovers while Im to be found on the computer, and do so with much graciousness. I simply couldnt do this without you all and your support. I especially need to thank my daughter, Katie, who is always my first reader, finest editor, and best critic since about the time she learned her ABCs.

Prodigals EverywhereI want to thank the many prodigals who shared freely of their own journeys with me. I know it was hard sometimes, and your courage is noted. I also appreciate Shelly Esser, Paul Schwarz, and John Stonestreet, and the many others who assisted me in connecting with other prodigals.

YWAM friendsTom, Warren, and Jimwho believed in my words long before I even knew what platform was. They are the reason I learned I had more than one book in me.

Children who make poor life choices have been around since the beginning of time. Since the garden of Eden, folks have stepped away from the plan God created for them and broken the hearts of those who love them.