Wendy Kramer - Finding Our Families: A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor-Conceived People and Their Families

Praise for

Finding Our Families

With wise, compassionate, practical, and innovative advice, Wendy Kramer and Naomi Cahn guide readers through the ever-unfolding world of donor conception and address the complexitiesand rewardsthat come when people search for donors and other genetic connections. Finding Our Families is that rare book you will read and return to again and again over time, appreciating and understanding it in different ways as you explore and discover new forms of kinship.

E LLEN G LAZER , LICSW, coauthor of Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation

Kramer and Cahn have written a much-needed guide for the offspring of sperm or eggs from usually anonymous providers, as well as for their parents and even the providers themselves. Finding Our Families is clear and straightforward and will be immensely useful for the vast and growing numbers of donor-conceived children and their families. The authors, refreshingly, come out strongly against anonymity and in favor of our having the right to know from whom we come.

B ARRY S TEVENS , filmmaker and writer of Bio-Dad and the Emmy-nominated Offspring

Finding Our Families gently stretches us to consider the experiences of all those involved in helping to make our families. As a psychotherapist, a lesbian, and the mother of a donor-conceived child, I finished this book a more compassionate and forgiving person. There is nothing more powerful than the truth.

L IZ M ARGOLIES , founder and executive director, National LGBT Cancer Network

This groundbreaking book affirms what donor-conceived people have been telling us: they want, need, and deserve the truth about their genetic origins and the right to decide for themselves whether to seek contact with their donor and/or half siblings.

D IANE A LLEN , cofounder and executive director, Infertility Network (Canada)

The one thing we as human beings deserve more than anything else is our own personal truth. Wendy Kramer and Naomi Cahn have long fought for this right, even before it was fashionable to do so. These well-respected advocates for the donor-conceived and their families bring outspoken tenacity and audacious courage to the pages of this significant book.

C OREY W HELAN , program director, American Fertility Association, and author of Combating Infertility During Military Service

Finding Our Families isnt just a good and important bookits a necessary one.

A DAM P ERTMAN , executive director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, and author of Adoption Nation

Finding Our Families is a must read for anyone, in any part, of the donor conception process. Comprehensive, thoughtful, and full-hearted, this book addresses the myriad issues that can arise in donor families.

S USAN F RANKEL , marriage and family therapist

Finding Our Families is an invaluable resource for everyone involved in the field of third-party reproductive medicine. It is informative for professionals and families alike, and condenses complex processes into manageable bites that are understandable and helpful. It is also beautifully written, cohesive in its organization, and captivating in its personal and sensitive style. I could not put it down, and cant wait to order multiple copies for current and former clients who are considering or have conceived through sperm or egg donation. The book is like a concluding paragraph to my passionate efforts to illuminate important, long-term emotional issues hidden within the practice of anonymity and secrecy.

P ATRICIA P. M AHLSTEDT , psychologist

Clearly written and well organized, this is an indispensable guide for all those who are part of families formed with donated eggs or sperm.

R ENE A LMELING , assistant professor of sociology, Yale University, and author of Sex Cells: The Medical Market for Eggs and Sperm

Kramer and Cahn have written a heartfelt, practical, easy-to-read, step-by-step book that is indispensable for all members of families with donor-conceived children. Finding Our Families includes empathetic and useful sections about meeting the donors, connecting with half siblings and their families, recognizing potential outcomes, and handling rejection of efforts to connect. This book is must reading for all members of the family.

J ENNIFER P. S CHNEIDER , M.D., Ph.D., author of Understand Yourself, Understand Your Partner

This is a wonderful and much-needed book for donor-conceived kids and their families. I am impressed with the depth of the insights, the references to the latest research in the field, and the depth of detail with regard to conducting searches for donors and half siblings through the Donor Sibling Registry. This kind of information goes a long way toward demystifying that process and will allay the fears of those who want to make contact with their donors and/or half siblings.

K IM K LUGER -B ELL , LMFT

Finding Our Families offers guidance in this uncharted territory to people thinking of using a donor, parents who have a donor child, donor-conceived people searching for half siblings or donor parents, and the donors themselves. Useful information for those personally touched by donor reproduction and for those interested in learning more about a field where science outpaces the current social, ethical, and legal constructs.

K AREN G OTTLIEB , Ph.D., J.D., privacy advocate

An invaluable resource for all those searching for their donor or donor siblings through the Donor Sibling Registry.

S USAN G OLOMBOK , Ph.D., Centre for Family Research, University of Cambridge

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Copyright 2013 by Wendy Kramer and Naomi Cahn

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Kramer, Wendy, date.

Finding our families: a first-of-its-kind book for donor-conceived people and their families / Wendy Kramer, Naomi Cahn.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-101-61247-7

1. BirthparentsUnited StatesIdentification. 2. Children of sperm donorsUnited States. I. Cahn, Naomi R. II. Title.

HV875.55.K73 2013 2013025492

362.829dc23