Sony Khemlani-Patel - When Your Child is Cutting: A Parents Guide to Helping Children Overcome Self-Injury

Merry E. McVey-Noble, Ph.D., is a psychologist at the Bio-Behavioral Institute in Great Neck, NY, where she treats a number of adolescents and adults who engage in self-injurious behaviors. She is adjunct professor of psychology at Hofstra University, where she has taught for ten years.

Sony Khemlani-Patel, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist at the Bio-Behavioral Institute in Great Neck, NY, where she specializes in the treatment and research of obsessive-compulsive spectrum, anxiety, and mood disorders as well as self-injury. She received her doctorate from Hofstra University in Hempstead, NY.

Fugen Neziroglu, Ph.D., ABBP, is a board-certified cognitive and behavior psychologist, involved in the research and treatment of anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders, trichotillomania, hoarding, body dysmorphic disorder, and hypochondriasis at the Bio-Behavioral Institute in Great Neck, NY. She is coauthor of Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding.

When Your Child Is Cutting is an excellent resource for both parents and professionals. It presents the facts about cutting and how to manage this problem. It is written in an accessible and readable format. The book takes a good deal of the fear out of dealing with cutting behaviors and provides a needed appendix of frequently asked questions. This text is pragmatic and to the point and can be of real help to many concerned parents and health service providers.

Robert W. Motta, Ph.D., ABPP, director of the Doctoral Program in School-Community Psychology at Hofstra University

I remember the first time I had to say self-mutilation. I was so nave. I quickly learned all that this diagnosis entailed. It meant that my daughter and I would be at odds through her early and mid-teens. It meant late night emergency rooms and psychiatric wards. And, for me, it meant anger, guilt, sadness, failure, hopelessness, lonelinessbut mostly it meant fear. But slowly, ever so slowly, the rain stopped, the clouds lifted, and the sun was visible. It has been four and a half years now. The sun shines; my daughter and I walk hand in had. Dont get me wrong. There are cloudy days. But when it rains, my daughter has an umbrella and knows how to use it. The umbrella is the keynot the weather. First I had to accept my daughters emotional problems. Then I had to accept and believe that they were real. Then I had to make a commitment to give whatever it took, at whatever cost. But I believed in Dr. McVey. I still have a piece of her note paper hanging on my refrigerator with the words, This will not last forever. __ I believed in her, in my daughter, and in myself. Every month now, without fail, we celebrate the day my daughter stopped cutting. It has been fifty-five months now. And every month is as important as the last.

S.S., client of author McVey-Noble

My divorce hit both of my daughters hard. They were two and five at the time. My older daughter later reacted by being afraid of going to school and by expressing other anxiety behaviors. My younger daughter, Nicole, reacted by being the good little girl. When I had to travel, or when I would come home late after a nighttime presentation for my job, Id find a paper plate pressed with lipstick-kisses on my pillow. Nicole was five then. During the summer when she was fourteen she began cutting herself. We tried to get help from a couple of therapists with limited success. Then, as luckor Godwould have it (I truly do believe in divine intervention), I was talking to a colleague who needed to find an alternative school for her daughter. I told her about the school my older daughter went to. She told me her daughter cut herself and gave me Dr. Mcveys phone number. Thats how I found help. Nicole saw Dr. McVey twice a week. This gave her the support and insights she needed to control the cutting. Dr. McVey encouraged Nicole to call her, even beyond office hours, when she needed her. Nicole learned how to release the pressure valve of her own feelings when they threatened to boil over. She learned to understand her feelings so that she could manage and live with them.

J.D., client of author McVey-Noble

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books.

Copyright 2006 by Merry E. McVey-Noble, Sony Khemlani-Patel, and Fugen Neziroglu

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

Cover design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Catharine Sutker; Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson; Edited by Karen ODonnell Stein

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McVey-Noble, Merry E.

When your child is cutting : a parents guide to helping children overcome self-injury / Merry E. McVey-Noble, Sony Khemlani-Patel, and Fugen Neziroglu.

p. cm.

epub ISBN: 9781608823062

1. Self-mutilationPopular works. 2. Self-injurious behaviorPopular works. I. Khemlani-Patel, Sony. II. Neziroglu, Fugen A., 1951- III. Title.

RJ506.S44M38 2006

616.8582dc22

2006010775

New Harbinger Publications Web site address: www.newharbinger.com

I know that its been hard for you To see me act this way But I dont know what else to do To convince you to stayI promise that Ill smile more If youd give me one more chance, We could laugh until our stomachs are sore You can teach me how to dance Cause I never meant to Let you down, Believe me when I say Im sorry

Anonymous patient

Id like to thank my amazing husband for all of his patience, understanding, love, and wonderful care of our sweet son (along with whom the idea of this book was conceived and developed). I owe tremendous thanks to our incredible baby, whose wonderful disposition and particularly good nature (both in utero and neonatally) allowed me to get a lot of work done at some very unorthodox hours. Id also like to thank my coauthors for their very hard work and tireless cooperation and support. We would all like to thank our colleagues at New Harbinger, who were patient and provided us with guidance and encouragement. Our editor, Karen Stein, was exceptional. Finally, wed also like to thank our patients and their parents. They have taught us all the meaning of struggle, but also of hope.

Merry

I owe a great deal of thanks to my husband for his continual support and enthusiasm and for his extremely thoughtful comments on the manuscript. I have to thank my parents and my in-laws for always lending a hand whenever I needed and for taking such wonderful care of my son while I worked many long hours. We owe a great deal of thanks to Catharine, Heather, and the staff at New Harbinger for allowing us the freedom to complete this book the way we envisioned. Many thanks to our editor, Karen ODonnell Stein, for her tireless editing and enthusiasm for the project. And finally, to my son, who has made me realize what an exhilarating, scary, and awesome task it is to be a parent!

Sony

To my husband, Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias, who has always supported my professional growth.

Fugen