Dayna M. Kurtz - Mother Matters: A Holistic Guide to Being a Happy, Healthy Mom

Praise for Mother Matters

Modern life means so many new mothers struggle to find their footing alone, without the community support, wisdomor even the bathroom breakthat a village would have once provided. New moms often dont know how to make this transition easier. This book is a tremendous resource that offers something rare: a beautifully written mix of sage advice, personal and professional experience, and scientific evidence. Its a gift all moms should have.

Tina Cassidy, author of Birth: The Surprising History of How We
Are Born

Having a newborn is hard work, and while new mothers strive to provide the best possible care for their babies, it is also imperative that they take care of their own well-being. Finally there is a guidebook for new mothers about how to nourish not only their children, but also themselves. A must read!

Dina DiMaggio, MD, pediatrician and coauthor of The Pediatricians Guide to Feeding Babies & Toddlers: Practical Answers to Your Questions on Nutrition, Starting Solids, Allergies, Picky Eating, and More

Mother Matters is a sensitive, gentle, easy read for anyone who has a mother, is a mother, or wants to be a mother. Ms. Kurtz sprinkles interesting anecdotal examples and light research statistics into her down-to-earth, folksy style of writing, which makes this book an easy must-read for all!

Fran Walfish, PsyD, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent

Where has this book been hiding all these yearsall these generations? With a remarkable ability to observe what is obvious but has remained unseen, Dayna Kurtz shares personal and professional insights in this thoughtful, practical, and cogent guide to mastering the challenges of motherhood. She speaks to the reader in an honest, authentic, and deeply personal voice, offering practical and scientifically validated interventions that can readily be implemented.

Michael D. Zentman, PhD, Clinical psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychology and Director of the Postgraduate Program in Couple Therapy at Adelphi University

Drawing upon her experience as a seasoned psychotherapist and a dedicated mother, Dayna Kurtzs book, Mother Matters , is deeply compassionate, yet imminently practical, and an essential addition to anyone seeking a more profound, rich, and evocative understanding of motherhood.

Sebastian Zimmermann, MD, psychiatrist and author of Fifty Shrinks

Mother Matters is a warm, witty, and practical guide to helping new mothers navigate the often breathtaking, but sometimes difficult and rarely perfect, transition into motherhood. Bolstered by the latest findings in scientific research and her own training as a clinical social worker and certified pre- and postnatal fitness trainer, author Dayna Kurtz offers practical how-to advice, illustrative real-life vignettes, and her own poignant reflections on the vicissitudes of motherhood. Kurtzs writing style is clear, pragmatic, and to the point. Recognizing the societal pressures women face to do it all and to do it flawlessly, especially when it comes to motherhood, Kurtz emphasizes the importance of making room for imperfection and of caring for mother as well as baby. This book will be invaluable to new moms and to those who love them.

Karen Starr, PsyD, clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst

Todays mother gets pulled in so many directions, its no wonder so many put their own self-care on the back burner. Mother Matters guides you, the ever-sacrificing mom, through the essential steps of keeping yourself healthy, strong, and sane through the joyful madness we call motherhood.

Dan DeFigio, founder of BeatingSugarAddiction.com and author of Beating Sugar Addiction for Dummies

Copyright 2018 by Dayna M. Kurtz

All rights reserved.

Published by Familius LLC, www.familius.com

Familius books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases, whether for sales promotions or for family or corporate use. For more information, contact Familius Sales at 559-876-2170 or email orders@familius.com.

Reproduction of this book in any manner, in whole or in part, without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.

Library of Congress Catalog-in-Publication Data

2017962272

Print ISBN 9781945547782

Ebook ISBN 9781641700290

Printed in the United States of America

Edited by Michele Robbins

Cover design by David Miles

Book design by Brooke Jorden and Caroline Larsen

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

My eight-year-old son, Asher, was the first to spread the news when I signed my book contract. He told our doorman, strangers on the elevator, his teachers, and anyone else who happened to cross his path. His enthusiasm for my work did not rival my own, it surpassed it. Indeed, his enthusiasm for life is a wonder to behold; a source of inspiration and a worthy aspiration. Ashers influence on me is unparalleled, as is that of all children, I imagine, on their parents.

Asher, being your mother informs the way I move through the world and the mark I hope to leave on it. Thank you for giving me the gift of motherhood, my gorgeous boy. I love you.

Table of Contents

Introduction

I was primed to be a good mom. As a social worker trained in counseling others, I spent many years in my own therapy gaining deeper insight into myself. A more refined self-awareness served me well in navigating a privileged lifeselecting a career to which I was well suited, choosing a loving partner, and making a mindful decision to become a parent. That last choice, made with thoughtful and careful reflection, was bolstered by the confidence of knowing I was in a place with every resource at my disposal: family help, a supportive husband, financial stability, health, and the desire for a child. I was indeed blessed and believed I was prepared to become a successful mama. To my surprise, my entry into motherhood was something of a failure to thrive . This term usually refers to infants whose growth is stunted by a lack of nourishment; as a new mom, I suffered from not knowing how to feed myself. In hindsight, it was this critical resourcea reliable, protective guide to transport me smoothly across the bridge into the mother worldthat was missing. And it would have made a huge difference in coping with the cultural mandate to breastfeed successfully, lose the baby weight rapidly, sleep-train effectively, and (co)parent seamlessly. Knowing how to care for the new mother in me was far more important (I now know) than all the self-knowledge and all the professional experience I had in helping others. Without it, my transition to maternal life was a messy, painful journey. Every emotional, physical, and spiritual part of my being was poured into child-rearing, leaving a depleted shell of the woman I had worked so hard to know well. By all accounts my baby was, thankfully, healthy and seemingly happy. Did that make me a good mom? If so, if this was what good mothering required, I didnt know how I would survive it. Starved of soul-food, my pre-parent self was eclipsed by a hostile, short-tempered, unrecognizable being.