Greeven Amely - The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother

afterword: beyond the first forty days

As the first forty days come to a close, you may be feeling like yourself againor, more accurately, the next version of you. You have fulfilled the silent agreement you made with yourself upon embarking on this period of dedicated rest and rejuvenation. You have given yourself what generations of women have had before youa stopgap, a period of integration and adaptation, between one chapter of your life and the next.

The time you spent tucked in bed, the good food you fed yourself, and the space you created to adjust to this new life with baby has likely paid off. Good work! During this time, you navigated unfamiliar ground, learning how to breastfeedor figuring out what to substitute if necessaryand how to soothe and rock and change your little one. Things that were once terrifying and foreign are a lot more familiar now. You discovered reserves of patience and compassion that you didnt know you possessed and tapped into the endless depths of a bright and clear maternal love. Along the way, you may have bumped up against frustration, loneliness, confusion, or sadness. Face-to-face with the great paradox of the postpartum period, you probably felt some or all of these emotions in the course of one dayor one hour.

Now you may be ready to look up from the cooing bundle in your arms and turn your gaze outward. If the first forty days was your chrysalis, your safe space to get messy and transform, you are now ready to emerge as something new, to stretch your wings and show the world the mother you have become. As this unique season of your life comes to an end, keep in mind that forty is a loose guideline, not a hard deadline or a finish line that must be crossed. Forty days, or about six weeks, is the general time frame within which new mothers begin to notice that they are feeling stronger, more energized and more capable and confident in caring for their babies. But you may find that fifty or sixty days is your magic number, or that you are ready to move into the larger world at day thirty-five. There is no right time to move beyond the postpartum period, only the time that is right for you.

As you embark on all thats awaiting you beyond the first forty days, you should find that you are well prepared to move forward. The things that you learned in the past six weekshow to ask for help; how to cook a steaming, delicious pot of soup; how to honor your body (and your mind and heart, too); and tend to your relationshipwill accompany you throughout your life as a parent. While all of the recipes, rituals, and tips in this book are designed to support the specific needs of the postpartum mother, they are not unique to the weeks after you give birth. Every dish, every wise word from an expert, every suggestion for maintaining your physical health and emotional well-being can be carried with you. They are in your mothering toolbox now, the resources you can come back to whenever you are feeling at the end of your rope: overwhelmed, depleted, anxious, or unsure.

THE FIVE INSIGHTS OF THE FIRST FORTY DAYS

1. Retreat

2. Warmth

3. Support

4. Rest

5. Ritual

The heartbeat of this journey, from the preparation of the third trimester to the closing of the postpartum period, has been your inner voice, the place inside of you that tells you how you really feel in any given moment. Tuning into this voice has given you a direct line of communication to your true needs and desires. Continuing to listen inthe more attention you give it, the clearer the messaging will beis a key part of your success and happiness as a mother. And The Five Insights for The First Forty Days will support you. These insights are timeless concepts, born from ancient traditions across numerous cultures, that will be your trusted companions as you move into the next stage of motheringand the next and the next. When you find yourself out of alignment, feeling like something is off, check in with yourself and then see how these ancient insights can support you. Every time you bring your awareness to these tried-and-tested ways, you are wrapping the golden rope of care around you, the one that connects women everywhere.

As you move past the first forty days, remember that your baby is still in her transitional fourth trimester and requires much care and attention. The five insights remain vividly applicable in the first few years of your childs life. There will be times when you need to retreat, to say no to friends or family who want to come over or to those who push you to join them socially. You may need to ask for support, to reach out for help with baby, your other children, or household chores. (Its always okay to ask for help. People want to give it.) This may also mean finding other women with similar-age babies to connect with, perhaps by attending a local La Leche League meeting where mothers get support in all things nursing-related (and where its okay to sit quietly with your infant and simply receive). You may find that even beyond the first forty days, the energy youre giving to your baby, especially if youre breastfeeding, requires the continual stoking of your inner fires. This is why warmth remains essential, and will be for quite some time (possibly always). Stay away from cold foods and fortify yourself with mugs of broth, hearty stews, and soft, soothing congees.

And mothering a growing baby is tiring. You can prevent extreme exhaustion from taking over by letting your partner or other helpers know when you need to rest. You can hang your signQuiet please! Mama nappingon your bedroom door for as many years as you like. Who cares if your kids in college? Mothers need to sleep. And as your body alerts you that its time to rest, your relationship may also be screaming for some attention. Right now your baby is the flower that naturally calls for most of your focus, but making time for each other is the way you water the roots of your family tree for life. Be sure to check in with your partner and make space for small moments of connectiona few minutes lying and breathing together or sharing a meal can give your relationship a much-needed boost of energy. Sex may or may not feel right after the doctor-approved six-week mark has passed, but remember, intimacy can reveal itself many different ways.

Soon the routine of mothering will settle in and youll find yourself comfortably moving through the world with a baby on your hip, exuding the air of maternal confidence that the ancient ones described. Then, before you know it, youll be chasing a toddler, managing the needs of a school-age child, and ushering a teenager through adolescence. Through it all, remember the significance of your role as mother. You are a powerful being, a force of nurturing and strength. Though your child is always changing, finding moments of ritual, small ways of honoring yourself, can help to anchor you as the ground moves beneath your feet. Ritual means making time and space for what feels good for you: walking in nature, sitting in the sunshine, lavishing yourself with a coconut oil rubdown, making time for a few minutes of focused breathing, or scheduling a massage, taking a yoga class, even sipping a warm bowl of soup. As your child grows and your responsibilities increase, ritual transforms into necessary self-care, a piece of your life that must be consistently attended to if you are to remain healthy and strong. As the epicenter of your family, the hub of the wheel, your vitality is paramount. For the next forty days and beyond, treat yourself as gently as the ones you love: Feed yourself well, rest well, be well.

And if the time is right, pass this book on to other mothers and mothers-to-be. Share its insights with your friends and family, spread the word, carry the messagelet people know that honoring the first forty days is a lifelong gift to both mother and child.