Bill Adler - Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems...

1988, 1996, 2014 by Bill Adler, Jr.

All rights reserved

Published by Chicago Review Press, Incorporated

814 North Franklin Street, Chicago, Illinois 60610

Third Edition

ISBN 978-1-61374-941-8

Library of Congress has cataloged the second edition as follows:

Adler, Bill.

Outwitting squirrels.

1. Bird feeders. 2. SquirrelsControl. 3. SquirrelsHumor.

4. MammalsControl. 5. MammalsHumor. I. Title.

QL676.5.A34 1988 639.978 88-20283

ISBN 1-55652-302-5

Cover and interior design: Andrew Brozyna, AJB Design, Inc.

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my parents, whom I constantly tried to outwit as a child, and who, sometimes, lovingly let me get away with it.

T he perennial fear among writers with acknowledgments is that youre going to leave someone out. With a book like Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems to Reduce Dramatically the Egregious Misappropriation of Seed from Your Birdfeeder by Squirrels, however, the danger is just the opposite: I might mention somebody whos too embarrassed to be associated with this book.

Still, I couldnt have done it alone. My thanks go first to squirrels who volunteered to let me test the squirrelproofness of various feeders on them. Second, I want to thank the hundreds of birds who patiently waited out these squirrels while the squirrels prevented them from getting to the seed.

A number of humans also gave invaluable assistance. I want to thank Peggy Robin, who let me use her backyard as a proving ground for feeders. Peggys criticisms and suggestions when Outwitting Squirrels was still tucked inside my word processor helped make this a better book.

George Petrides, proprietor of The Wild Bird Center, was a fountain of information about birds, squirrels, and people who feed both. As I was interviewing people for this book, nearly everyone said I have to talk to Professor Vagn Flyger, one of the countrys foremost squirrel experts. I did, and I appreciate his lending me his knowledge for OutwittingSquirrels. Heidi Hughes, who owns The Wild Bird Company, had many valuable things to say about feeding birds, especially about keeping birds safe from human-inspired hazards. Liz Cummings at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service offered numerous perspectives into the personalities of particular species.

Richard Mallory, publisher and editor of the Dick E. Bird News, graciously allowed me to reprint articles and illustrations from his wonderful publication. His insight into squirrels and birds was a valuable resource.

A number of wild bird product companies and distributors graciously offered me their years of experience in dealing with squirrels. I want to thank Marlene Couter of Dun-craft, Olin Looker of Looker Products, Dr. Stephen Clarke of Clarke Products, Thomas Post of The Audubon Workshop, Richard Clarke of The Bird House, and Marie Gellerstedt of Nixalite of America.

My thanks also go to Richard Swain for letting me republish his essay, The Squirrel and the Fruitcake, here.

My friend and neighbor Stephanie Faul originally got me interested in feeding birds several years ago. She had no idea it would lead to this.

Its hard to write a book as fun and informative as Outwitting Squirrels without wanting to read sections to people as you go along. Several friends graciously listened to paragraph after paragraphnot all polished at the time-as I progressed. These friends include Marta Vogel, Mitch Schultz, and Carol Dana.

Thanks also to: Janet Levy, Joseph Argentieri, Nancy A. Keep, Pam Price, Dan Clemmensen, John Robertson, E. George Strasser, Lanny Chambers, John Duke, Caroline Lloyd, Michael Timko, Dorothy B. Sindel, Kris Campbell, Kristen J. Ingram, Colby F. Jordan, A. Dale Rhoads, Gregg Bassett, Jerry Blinn, and Iris Rothman.

And of course, this book never would have been published if it werent for Linda Matthews of Chicago Review Press, who was willing to risk having an entire species vow never to use Chicago Review Press as their publisher. This book benefited greatly from Lindas suggestions and experience.

A special thank you to Cynthia Sherry, who adopted this book, as one might adopt a baby squirrel, and has taken good care of it over the years.

Theyre here.

That may be a line from the movie Poltergeist, but its also the horror cry of the tens of millions of Americans who feed birds, as they prepare to defend their feeders from hordes of squirrels. Each day, tons of birdseed are poured into bird-feeders to attract and benefit beautiful winged creatures-cardinals, doves, chickadees, goldfinchesand each day, tons of birdseed are pilfered by marauding squirrels. If theres one thing that birders have in common it is their enemy: the squirrel.

Mention squirrels to any bird feeder and you will inspire a half-hour monologue about how these cunning little mammals managed to overcome the most inventive, dangerous-looking, and expensive antisquirrel systems. Sometimes you have to believe that if the creativity and energy that bird feeders put into thwarting squirrels were directed toward world peace or eliminating traffic jams, wed have no more earthly problems.

People who feed birds have tried every possible antisquirrel concoction their imaginations can conjure. Every situation seems to demand its own solution. Defensive options range from water cannons to giving squirrels feeders of their own. From barbed wire and electrified feeders to coating birdfeeders with Ben Gay and Teflon, to baffling the top and bottom side of feeders so that birds can barely get innothing seems to work.

Until now. Until Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems to Reduce Dramatically the Egregious Misappropriation of Seed From Your Birdfeeder by Squirrels. For the first time, the sum of humankinds knowledge about squirrels and how to defeat them is available in one place.

Writing Outwitting Squirrels was one of the most pleasurable experiences Ive had as an author. There are few topics that lend themselves to both serious examination and playfulness. While researching Outwitting Squirrels I talked with dozens of people in the bird business and with ordinary birders who have extraordinary squirrel problems. I was impressed by the inventiveness and persistence of the bird feeders who tried to keep squirrels at bayand impressed by the squirrels. I was entertained by peoples stories about squirrels. I believe that Outwitting Squirrels will be as much fun for you to read as writing it was for me.

Who are we, the people who feed wild birds and scream and flail our arms at squirrels? Where do we fit in the range of what normal Americans do? Youll be pleased to know that birdfeeding and squirrel yelling are common practices. We bird feeders participate in the most popular hobby in America after gardening. There are over 55 million Americans who dish out meals to birds. We spend over $3 billion a year on birdseed and $500 million on birdfeeders. And that doesnt include the millions spent on other bird related accessories, such as birdbaths and books about birds. Theres a tremendous amount of interest in and money spent on feeding birds. And wherever there are birdfeeders, there are squirrels.

As annoying and frustrating as squirrels are, they are humorous as well. After all, squirrels think that the birdseed is for them and theres no power on earth that will convince them otherwise.

So while Outwitting Squirrels gives concrete, useful information that birders can use to stop squirrels from poaching, its also a funny and philosophical book. Funny, because every time a human constructs another barrier, squirrels break through. Funny also, because bird feeders spend hundreds of hours and dollars trying to keep these small animals awayand the squirrels have nothing better to do all day long than break into feeders. Philosophical because there must be some overall significance to this human-bird-squirrel triangle. Right?