Kathy Fray - Oh Grow Up: Toddlers to Pre-Teens Decoded

On library and bookshop shelves, there exists a multitude of honourable parenting guidebooks, containing numerous researched theories, and copious amounts of virtuous advice. And this is another one.

Oh no! Lets start again

On groaning library shelves and vibrant bookshop shelves, there exists a multitude of goody-goody parenting guidebooks, containing numerous sanctimonious theories, and copious amounts of holier-than-thou advice. And this most definitely is not another one.

Thank cripes.

As new parents some of us had the highest of expectations at first we dreamed wed be fantastic parents the best parents we could possibly be! Then, not long into the journey, we started to discover our own limitations and imperfections. And between impossible expectations and financial stresses, we became exhausted. We found ourselves becoming pretty average parents, even though we were trying our darndest to get it right.

Then again, sometimes were not trying our darndest at all, cause were just plain over it. Weve bought rubbish takeaways for dinner for the second night in a row; theres a mountain of washing with our name on it; theres a message on the call minder we dont want to know about; weve got to leave early the next morning for an irritating meeting; the cats spewed another gross fur ball on the carpet; and weve just yelled at our kids when they were hardly doing much wrong.

If theres one thing my husband Mark and I have discovered for sure, we definitely aint the perfect parents, and are highly unlikely to ever be. Were simply nice, kind, caring and emotionally insecure people, who are working frickin hard at trying to raise nice, kind, caring and emotionally secure kids. We regularly stuff it up, and occasionally really f*** it up. But weve learnt thats actually okay, cause most of the time were either bloody great parents or good-enough parents, and thats all any of us should ever really expect of ourselves!

Since the release of my first book Oh Baby five years ago (yes, I know Ivetaken my time but I did manage to get a university degree in the meantime too), I have received many ego-boosting emails from wonderful readers referring to me as their parenting guru. Now, dont get me wrong, like anyone I love having my pride stroked, but I also aint comfortable with being held up as parenting perfection personified. Im just like everyone else, probably in more ways than you can imagine. Let me tell you, when other parents have our kids over, and later report back, They were great, easy to have around, friendly, happy and polite, no problem at all well, thats the time I hear KA-CHING! Because I know all that enormous, obstinate and relentless parenting effort on our part, day in and day out exhausting, arduous, gruelling is finally paying the dividends: our kids are demonstrating glimmers of mastering self-sufficient independence, and becoming appreciative, passionate, truthful and loving human beings. Woo hoo!!

However, Im not like everyone else because of my inexplicable passion that has forced me to spend great chunks of the past four years researching to exhaustion the plethora of parenting philosophies, to attempt to refine them into plausible print, culminating in this book, which as my literary agent describes it releases basic problems from the shackles of ignorance.

So what the heck is Oh Grow Up: Toddlers to Preteens Decoded?

Its a parenting guidebook like no other parenting guidebook in existence. Its an eclectic collection of rational and radical theories, and conservative and revolutionary advice all tied up together to create an innovative and unconventional paradigm, leading you from the simple to the complex, in an exciting and extraordinary parenting journey. In plain English its about going back to the real and authentic basics!

Pieces of Oh Grow Up may be perceived as alternative, marginal or unconventional but thats only what they seem to be. In reality, this book is fundamentally about rediscovery. Nothing is truly new or novel nearly all of it is ancient, and much of it is long forgotten.

Ive had my writing style described as being punchy, direct, frank, honest and radical which is great, as thats my intention. What I also know for sure is that anyone taking the time to read this book is obviously trying like us to raise a child who eventually possesses an innate character of joy, with a core essence of purpose. You and I, have probably already realised by now that gratitude, joy and purpose are what bring all humans happiness.

But heres the foundation of this book: such an outcome is just not possible when we as parents only focus on our children physically, or only mentally/emotionally, or only spiritually. This book, more than anything, is a guide about parenting the whole child the body, mind and spirit.

It is a great hope of mine that this book will appeal specifically to the hordes of middle-of-the-road parents who dont wish to convert to any one specific parenting ideology or doctrine. So within this book there will be concepts you utterly agree with, because they are already rudimentary to how you parent. Thats brilliant, and just as it should be. We must be on the same page on some issues, otherwise you wont like the book at all.

Then there will also be concepts you partially agree with, but, right here and right now, theyre just a tad too out there or new to your thinking. Thats fantastic, and also just as it should be. We must all continually redefine who we are and what we believe in, otherwise we become stagnant and dont evolve.

Then there will be concepts you may passionately disagree with, because they fly in the face of your own strong beliefs. Thats perfect too, and also just as it should be. We must maintain some integrity to our own fundamental values, otherwise were potentially just blind followers of the whimsical notions of a particular author.

But there will also possibly be concepts that blow your mind away. Mind-boggling knowledge that staggers and amazes you; answers to questions about your child you never thought could be answered; incredible insights into your child you never dreamt could be realised; even, perhaps, life-altering philosophical wisdom that revolutionises your long-term, big-picture thinking.

There could also be stuff that motivates you, stuff that soothes you and stuff that plain pisses you off. Brilliant! All just as it should be.

So, is this book a masterpiece, my lifes magnum opus? No, hardly; Ive too much wisdom yet to acquire. All Ive really done, as with Oh Baby, is spend considerable time investigating the often unintelligible research, then interpreting and regurgitating it to you in some vaguely comprehensible and graspable way. Ta da!

So Im a translator whos deeply honoured to get to do this job and I couldnt have done it without you, the reader. As Ian Grant, founder of Parents Inc., famously says, Im just one beggar telling another beggar where the bread is.

(Now, just imagine were on our deck, laughing and giggling as were having a whinge with our wine.) So cheers! Let the journey begin Ive got so much incredible and fascinating stuff to tell you!