Rebecca Schiller - Your No Guilt Pregnancy Plan: A revolutionary guide to pregnancy, birth and the weeks that follow

Rebecca Schiller

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YOUR NO GUILT PREGNANCY PLAN

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Penguin Life is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.

First published 2018

Copyright Rebecca Schiller, 2018

The moral right of the author has been asserted

Cover design and illustration by Studio Nic&Lou

The information in this book has been compiled by way of general guidance in relation to the specific subjects addressed. It is not a substitute and not to be relied on for medical, healthcare, pharmaceutical or other professional advice on specific circumstances and in specific locations. Please consult your GP before changing, stopping or starting any medical treatment. So far as the author is aware the information given is correct and up to date as at January 2018. Practice, laws and regulations all change, and the reader should obtain up-to-date professional advice on any such issues. The author and publishers disclaim, as far as the law allows, any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use, or misuse, of the information contained in this book.

ISBN: 978-0-241-31581-1

For Sofya and Arthur and the wonderful
world I want for you.

I have been a mother for 8 wonderful and terrifying years. Motherhood has changed, exposed and expanded me. It has taken from me and offered back so much more things Im still scrabbling around in the dust for, trying to fit them into my understanding of who the hell I am and what I want to be. Pregnancy, birth and parenting have given me opportunities beyond the profound and simple wonder of making and getting to know my children. Ive learned more about myself than at any other time in my life things I am brilliant at, the many, many things I need to work on and what I need to just let go of and watch float away.

Ive made the kind of friends who would walk over Lego pieces in bare feet for me smiling encouragingly and carrying a gin and tonic. Ive created 2 unique humans whom I can claim at least 50 per cent of the credit for, and discovered a flesh-eating virus of love for them that somehow leaves me both emptier and so much fuller than before. Ive grown into my body and, thanks to a new kind of respect for it, I feel more comfortable in it. It has been a joy-filled, horizon-expanding, riot of a ride in so many ways, for me and for the people who will tell their stories in the pages that follow.

But for each of us, the journey to today hasnt always been a simple one. There have been contradictions, doubt, difficult decisions and plenty of conflicting and oh-so-strongly opinionated advice. The presence of a bump seems to give the rest of the world permission to poke about in our personal decisions, comment on our bodies and tell us that we arent allowed to do as we want. How we feel about our births can have a long-lasting positive or negative impact on how we feel about ourselves. The staggering changes to our minds, bodies, lives and relationships arent properly acknowledged and were encouraged to scoop ourselves up, back into our jeans and former lives as if nothing had altered.

In a world that puts a lot of pressure on mothers, but doesnt do a good job of trusting, valuing, supporting and nurturing us, its time to start a revolution and insist on a better, deeper, more realistic and less guilt-filled way to prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting.

You need this book because becoming a parent is about so much more than heartburn, crowning and breast pumps (though Ill cover that stuff too). Its about huge leaps, amazing opportunities, difficult circumstances, adventures, laughs, tears and the unexpected in bucket-loads. Its about your whole life.

I think weve been preparing for motherhood in some strange and unhelpful ways. It is often reduced to a one-dimensional, goal-orientated exercise, complete with a contradictory barrage of opinions, too many must haves and must dos and the promise of a perfect birth, baby and parenting experience at the end. This can cause problems in 3 significant ways.

Planning for perfection is unrealistic and will almost always lead to crashing disappointment and guilt. The narrow goals we are told to aim for exclude many people, and can make a wonderful but normal, bumpy journey feel like a failure.

Becoming a parent means changes to our work, sex lives, relationships, body image, mental health and bank balance that can have huge implications for the way we live and how we feel. Yet most pregnancy books spend more time comparing our babies to the size of various fruits than teaching us how to cope with the things that really matter. Having the best possible experience of birth on your own terms is really important and achievable (more on that later), but it isnt everything. If you only make a birth plan and dont think about a bigger plan, then youve missed out on the chance to set yourself up as well as possible for the new world that awaits you on the other side.

Relying on the opinions of others can leave you feeling conflicted and unsure of who to trust. It can stop you listening to what you already know about your body, your life and your needs, and can plunge you into an overwhelming sea of information and arguments about whats best.

You need this book because perfection isnt real. You wont have a perfect pregnancy, a perfect birth or a perfect baby and you wont be a perfect mother, and thats OK . In these pages Ill make sure you stop trying for the impossible and learn how to find a better, more realistic set of goals that fit with who you are.

Ill help you prepare for your fabulously good-enough reality with unbiased information and an honest conversation about how to make this new life fit with your existing one. Were planning for much more than birth in these pages, and Ill talk you through creating your bespoke, guilt-free plan for pregnancy, birth and motherhood itself.

And while youll be exploring the evidence, your options and rights, Ill also be supporting you to make decisions yourself and encouraging you to draw on your own expertise and life experience as well as that of your caregivers. Ill help you cut through all the contradictory crap thats out there and focus on what really matters but I wont tell you what to do or second-guess how you might think or feel.

I hope it will help make these 9 months (and more) feel right for you no matter what happens. Its the book I would like to have had on my bedside table 8 years ago. Heres to a book, a birth and a future with no guilt, no judgement and absolutely no bullshit.

You may have stumbled on this book, positive pregnancy test in hand, along with a huge pile of magazines and DVDs, in an attempt to get your head round this argh, Im having a baby feeling. It may well have been foisted on you by a friend or random woman on the street.

You might be a planner-extraordinaire who arranged for the book to be delivered well before conception, or indeed the partner, mother, friend or even the teenage son or daughter (yes, this book is for the whole family) of a super-planner, who is reading this under strict instruction and supervision.

Perhaps these pages are already covered with cracker crumbs, yoghurt smears and the odd crayon scribble as you attempt to wrestle them off Child Number One and spend 2 minutes thinking about how this next one is going to make its appearance. Come on little Bert, PUT MUMMYS BOOK DOWN.