Kevin Nelson - The Everything Father-To-Be Book: A Survival Guide for Men

Avon, Massachusetts

Dedicated to Annie, Leah, Hank, and Gabe, the greatest kids a guy could have

1. How to keep your relationship with your partner and your sex life thriving, active, and fun during pregnancy.
2. What to sayand what not to sayabout your partners changing body and other potentially touchy pregnancy issues.
3. How to be the worlds greatest labor coach.
4. How to keep your sanity when your parents, her parents, aunts, uncles, and other family members descend on you.
5. All about job and workplace issues, including strategies on how to get paid time off when the baby arrives.
6. Why you can relax about fainting in the delivery room (it wont happen).
7. Tips on how to keep the money coming in while balancing your work and job with your new responsibilities as a father.
8. How to be a hero to your partner when shes feeling low, sick, scared, and in pain during labor.
9. How to cope with all the changes, emotional and otherwise, that are occurring in your life.
10. How to minimize the stress and maximize the enjoyment of having a baby.

THIS THIRD EDITION OF The Everything Father-to-Be Book is intended for new fathers and fathers-to-be. It is designed to guide the new father through the ups and downs of pregnancy, taking him all the way through to the birth of his child and the days and weeks after he brings his son or daughter home for the first time. While the focus is on first-timers, there is plenty of solid information here for second- and third-time fathers who may need a refresher course on how to be a labor coach, how to introduce the new child to siblings, and other baby-related issues.

Many men are not sure what to think when they learn, for the first time, that they are going to become a father. Panic is one reaction. Another is, How can this be happening to me? After the initial anxiety passes, many new fathers get totally into it. They become curious about this new thing they have never experienced, and they want to learn more.

Not all new fathers are like this, of course. Some are more reluctant participants. Because the baby is developing inside their partners body, and not theirs, they may feel uninvolved or cut off from whats going on. These men may have to go through the birth itself and see the baby before they finally feel connected to the drama that has been unfolding around them for the previous nine months. The goal of this book is to speak to all types of new fathersthose who are into it from the get-go and those who may need a little nudging here and thereand to introduce all of them to the wonder of this experience.

Men tend to be mission-oriented. Give us a job and we will go out and do it. The problem that some new fathers have with pregnancy is that they are not sure what to do or what their job is. This book will show you the jobs that you can do during this time, including (and perhaps most importantly) how you can support your partner.

Ah, but theres the rub. This may be an unfamiliar position for many men. They may not be accustomed to playing second fiddle in their family. But interestingly, a man shows leadership by supporting his partner and the life developing inside her. He recognizes that something is happening that is larger than himself, and he does some growing up during this period. He becomes a father.

Nothing physical happens inside the body of the man during pregnancy (although some do feel sympathy pains when their partners are going through morning sickness), and yet he is being asked to make the journey from not being a father to being a father. Is it any wonder that some men stumble along the way? Fathers-to-be experience emotions theyve never had beforefear of fainting in the delivery room, worry about the health of the baby, money pressures, concern over how a child will affect their relationship with their partnersand theyre not quite sure how to handle them. Some are embarrassed that they have these emotions at all.

For new fathers and their partners, pregnancy is a trip into a vast, unexplored territory. And just like any good adventurer exploring the unknown, you will need to have the right tools. Let this book serve as your compass and map as you discover the new world of fatherhoodand become an everyday hero to your family.

Chapter 1
The New World of Fatherhood

It has been said that that being a father is the most important thing most men will ever do in their lives. Only a few select individuals will be president of the United States or rescue a stranded family from a burning building or sink the winning basket with time running out in the seventh game of the NBA finals. But many men will become fathers, giving them the opportunity to become everyday heroes to their children. This chapter will prepare you for the road ahead and what to expect along the way.

To state the obvious, being a father is different from being a mother. You have a different role in the family and a different job to do. You see things differently than your partner does, and you will have a different relationship with your child than she does.

Some of the most crucial differences between a father and a mother become obvious during pregnancy. The most dramatic, and visible, changes occur with the woman. Her body changes as the baby grows inside her, and a whole host of emotions accompany these physical changes.

It is completely different for a father-to-bevirtually nothing happens directly to a man during pregnancy. His body does not expand and change. Hes the same fella he always wasexcept that now he is about to have a little rug rat crawling around the house.

The unique challenge that men face is that they must come to terms with becoming a father almost entirely on an emotional level, rather than a physical one. The good news for fathers-to-be is that they have an unprecedented level of support and a wide variety of resources available to them. Some of those resources include the following:

• The EverythingFather-to-Be Book, 3rd Edition, naturally. (Accept no substitutes!)
• Other fathers and mothers whove been through it before
• Familyyour own father and mother, father-in-law, brother whos perhaps a father
• Father and parenting websites, blogs, and online forums