Table of Contents
DISCLAIMER
THIS BOOK IS NOT INTENDED FOR CHILDREN.
The projects in this book should be done only by adults or by older children under close adult supervision.
SAFETY FIRST: Safety should be your top priority. If youre careless, you could get injured. The publisher, author, and packager of this book do not claim that the information contained herein is complete or accurate for your specific situation. It should by no means be considered a substitute for good judgment, skill, and common sense. In addition, neither the publisher, author, nor packager endorses or encourages any irresponsible behavior, and specifically disclaims responsibility for any liability, loss, damage, or injury allegedly arising from any suggestion, information, or instruction in this book. We urge you to obey the law and the dictates of common sense at all times.
INTRODUCTION
Halloween is the one time of the year when we can be whoever we want to be. We can dress how we want dress, throw whatever kind of party we want to throw, and actually be rewarded for our wildest ideas. In fact, its the years most creative holiday, so why not push the envelope and try out some crazy, memorable stunts? Lets make the kids actually earn their candy. Lets dress up in fabulously stupid costumes. Lets make all of our guests laugh (and maybe shriek) when they fall for our pranks. Lets create some outrageously large yard art and perfectly disgusting party food and drinks. Lets have some good ole creepy Halloween fun.
Extreme Halloweenwill help you make this Halloween the coolest one ever. Heres how:
YOU WILL HAVE THE CREEPIEST HOUSE ON YOUR BLOCK, POSSIBLY IN YOUR ENTIRE TOWN! This book contains projects and pranks for your front yard (including a few magic tricks) that might seem likely to get you thrown in jail, but instead will make you and your house wildly popular with your friends and neighbors. You will stun, frighten, and freak out everyone who stops by.
YOU WILL THROW THE SILLIEST, WILDEST, WEIRDEST HALLOWEEN PARTY EVER. You have never seen food, drinks, and activities in such questionable taste. (Some say they border on revolting, but youll be the judge of that.) You will second-guess yourself the entire time you are preparing for the partyand your confidantes will just shake their heads when you tell them your plans. But in the end, your party will be awesome and one of a kind. People will talk about it for months (you may become a local Halloween legend), and everyone will be wondering what kind of crazy things you have in store for them next year.
To create this book, I started with a thousand ideas, many of them truly tasteless. From that list, we picked the best of the best (or is that the worst of the worst?) and published them here. What were our criteria, you ask? The ideas had to be surprising and funand so gross and disgusting they were sure to offend someone. After all, if everyone likes something it cant be cool. So if you want a book that contains cute Halloween crafts that everyone will just adore, I suggest you shop at the supermarket. But if you want recipes and projects that will thrill your friends and favorite neighbors (and horrify everyone else), read on.
Think of Halloween as a battleground between the cool people (us) and the goody-goodies (them). Weve won trick-or-treating, booze, pumpkins, and haunted houses, but they still control a number of key Halloween traditions. In the future well take over more aspects of our favorite holiday, but I predict that the goody-goodies will never surrender their domination of certain categories. The goody-goodies will always have the best placemats and doilies, and they will likely never admit defeat when it comes to making cupcakes. But were going to sneak attack them by taking over the quaint arts of Halloween centerpieces, invitations, and decorations.
My ultimate goal is to inspire you to take action. Lets turn Halloween upside down. Lets trick out our yards with ferocious monsters and hilarious pranks. Lets dress in completely moronic costumes and throw totally outrageous Halloween parties. Together we can rewrite Halloween traditions. It will be our holiday from now on. And it will be badass.
Super-Cool Tools and Materials
IN MY TOWN, the home center and the craft store are separated only by a parking lot. I asked my wife if I could buy an RV and move in between the two of them. She said I would still have to come home once a week to take out the trash, so I just drive there a couple of times a week instead. These are the items I have found there that make me truly happy. You will find that these awesome tools and materials are used again and again to create the projects and recipes in this book.
ANGLE GRINDER: Most people use angle grinders to strip rust off cars, but I use mine to take the outer layer off all sorts of things. I strip the skin off pumpkins, the bark off logs, and the paint off any old thing. It works fast and leaves a big mess.
CORDLESS TOOLS: I used to speak out against cordless tools. Back in my day, drills plugged into walls, I would say. That was before I cut an extension cord with an electric hedge trimmer for the third time. Going cordless is a great idea if you are klutzy. Im klutzy.
DECK SCREWS: Nails are totally overrated. They are hard to remove and you cant reuse them. Deck screws turn any project into a giant Lego set that you can take apart and put back together again. Three cheers for deck screws!
DRILL: Since I drill stuff instead of hammering it, I always have a drill handy. My editor would like me to mention that it is an electric drill because some Amish guy in Pennsylvania still uses a hand drill, and to accommodate him, I must mention that I opt for an electric drill.
DRYWALL SAW: These things absolutely kill a pumpkin. They are cheap and easy to use.
DUCT TAPE: Sometimes, when my glue gun is not handy, I use duct tape. Tape is as good as glue except its only sticky on one side. Duct tape is like half glue.
FOOD: I like to play with food. From reading this book, you would probably guess that pudding, whipped cream, bananas, and barbecue ribs are my favorites and you would be absolutely correct.
FOOD COLORING: Want to make food look disgusting but still taste good? Me, too! The secret is food coloring. I buy most of my food coloring at the supermarket, but if you need a strange color, like fluorescent green or black, go to the craft store.
GLUE GUN: When you want to attach a widget to a whoosit, a glue gun is a magical thing.
JIGSAW: Long ago I stopped cutting things by hand and put my jigsaw to work. Sure, it works well for woodworking, but if you dont mind eating a splinter or two, you can use it on meat as well. Mostly though, I recommend jigsaws for attacking unsuspecting pumpkins.
REBAR: Construction workers use rebar to add strength to floors, driveways, and concrete structures. It is a tough, rough, rusty steel reinforcement bar that home centers carry but mortals rarely touch. I like to use it mainly because most people dont. I push the home center envelope that way. Ill use anything theyre selling.
ROPE, PULLEYS, CLEATS, AND HOOKS: Home centers have an amazing amount of ropey stuff, much of which is useful for creating creepy illusions that involve hanging things.
