Carlsson-Paige - Taking back childhood : a proven roadmap for raising confident, creative, compassionate kids

A PLUME BOOK

TAKING BACK CHILDHOOD

NANCY CARLSSON-PAIGE, ED.D. , is a professor of early childhood education and conflict resolution at Lesley University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Her work has been featured in Time, The Wall Street Journal, and USA Today, and on NPR, the Discovery Channel, and ABC. Visit her at www.nancycarlssonpaige.org.

Taking Back Childhood brims with practical advice for the challenges parents face today. Nancy Carlsson-Paige speaks with emotional wisdom.

Daniel Goleman, author of the New York Times bestsellers Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence

Practical advice for parents who want to build betternonviolent, caring, creativerelationships with their children.

Publishers Weekly

If you are like most parents, youre worried about the new realities of childhoodviolence, sexualization, the speed-up of daily life, materialismtopics that are not adequately covered in the classic parenting guides. Nancy Carlsson-Paiges brilliant new book shows parents how to navigate the treacherous waters of our culture. As you read it, I suspect it will not only profoundly affect how you parent, but also how you live your own life. Taking Back Childhood deserves to take its place among the classics, read and reread by parents everywhere.

Juliet B. Schor, author of Born to Buy; professor of sociology, Boston College

Taking Back

CHILDHOOD

A Proven Road Map for
Raising Confident, Creative,
Compassionate Kids

NANCY CARLSSON-PAIGE, Ed.D.

PLUME

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A. Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4P 2Y3 (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Penguin Ireland, 25 St. Stephens Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.) Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.) Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi 110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Published by Plume, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Previously published in a Hudson Street Press edition.

First Plume Printing, March 2009

Copyright Nancy Carlsson-Paige, 2008

All rights reserved

REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

The Library of Congress has catalogued the Hudson Street Press edition as follows:

Carlsson-Paige, Nancy.

Taking back childhood : helping your kids thrive in a fast-paced, media-saturated, violence-filled world / Nancy Carlsson-Paige.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN: 978-1-101-21392-6

1. Children and violenceUnited States. 2. Mass media and childrenUnited States. 3. Video games and childrenUnited States. 4. PlayUnited States. 5. ToysUnited StatesPsychological aspects. 6. Child developmentUnited States. I. Title.

HQ784.V55C375 2008

649.70973dc22

2007042467

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AUTHORS NOTE

The actual names of the parents and children whose stories and quotes fill this book are used whenever possible. In some cases, however, to respect the preferences of the individuals mentioned, names have been changed.

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To the memory of Jesse McKie,

and his spirit of creativity, humor, and love,

alive in every child.

W riting a book is a collaborative venture and I have many people to thank. I am deeply grateful to all of the parents who generously agreed to be interviewed for this book and who so willingly shared their personal stories and reflections on the challenges of raising children in these difficult times.

I am grateful to the countless children Ive worked with and observed in classrooms and families over the course of my career, and the many in my large extended familyI have learned from all of you, and to those whose stories and examples fill these pages, I am especially grateful. Most profoundly, I thank my grandchildrenJackson, Miles, Alexia, and Isabellayou are the backbone of this book and without you, it wouldnt exist. For over a decade, our interactionsintimate, sometimes challenging, always precioushave allowed me to see, with the widened lens and open heart of a grandparent, how an approach guided by child development and creative conflict resolution insights bears positive fruit. Thank you for agreeing so generously to be in this book (and to your parents for their permission).

To my sons, Kyle and Matt, you have always been my greatest (and toughest) teachers, and your wives, Lori and Luciana, I thank each one of you for supporting my work and this book. I am so grateful that you trusted me to tell your personal stories where I saw fit.

I want to express my deep appreciation to my agent, Todd Shuster, who envisioned this book before I did and stuck with it from months into years, helping to shape and hone it into a cohesive form with infinite patience. You set the bar high and held to it, always with kindness and encouragement; I am sure this book would not have reached fruition without you.

I also want to express my gratitude to those who read early drafts of specific chapters and gave me their feedback and encouragementLynne Hall, Ethel McConaghy, Joyce Shortt, and Roslyn Zinn. I am especially grateful to Betty Burkes and Lynne Hurdle-Price for reading the chapters pertaining to discipline and culture and engaging in a dialogue about them that without doubt resulted in a better and more inclusive book.

I feel particularly indebted to three colleagues who, through collaboration and friendship, have influenced my view of the world and my work. Diane Levin, my first source of inspiration about the thrilling potential of progressive education, who later joined me to build a perspective on medias power in childrens lives and pen countless pages, makes an immeasurable contribution to this book. My deep thanks to Linda Lantieri, who has stretched me to see how childrens social and emotional learning extends into brain activity and spirituality, and who repeatedly challenges me to transcend the limits of my own thinking and being. Thanks also to you, Linda, for reading and commenting on . I am also grateful to William Kreidler, under whose tutelage I first witnessed the powerful techniques of creative conflict resolution. Billwe are carrying on your inspired work that was so ahead of its time.