Forgan James W. - Raising boys with ADHD : secrets to parenting healthy, happy sons

We know that behind every successful boy with ADHD is a tired parent. (Actually, we hope you are not alone. We hope you are surrounded by a strong supportive team, which could include a spouse, stepparents, grandparents, and even special friends and neighbors.) Raising a boy with ADHD can be exhausting, but we know you can do it. We know this because you wouldnt be reading this book if you didnt care deeply about your son. You will help guide him toward success in life. There is no one path to happiness and success, and it will be a journey influenced by parents, siblings, relatives, caregivers, teachers, and others. Weve been down similar paths in our personal lives, and we also coach parents of boys with ADHD in our professional work. In this book, weve combined our success secrets to help guide you in raising your young man.

Your son with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD/ADHD) is unique, special, and talented, and has his own set of strengths and skills. He has characteristics and abilities that you understand. You can nurture your sons qualities to help him grow into a successful man who will make you proud.

When we think about success, we dont view it in terms of things. Being successful doesnt mean owning a fancy car or a huge house or having tons of money or an extraordinary career. Although these things can be nice and often project the image of success, they dont reflect internal successthe type of success you need to feel satisfied and fulfilled.

Weve worked with too many families to know that what you see portrayed on the outside does not always mirror whats happening on the inside. One client told us, My husband works so hard to support our lifestyle that hes filled with anxiety, takes medication, doesnt sleep well at night, and barely has time to spend with me or the kids. They drive expensive cars, send their kids to an exclusive private school, own a big house, and take luxurious vacations. Everything sure seemed OK to the casual observer, but happiness had eluded them.

In our opinion, success is about being happy with yourself and with what you have and believing that you make a difference in this world. This might come from making a difference in the life of your child or spouse, in your job, at your church, at a community center, or by helping others. Success for boys with ADHD is more about being capable of living independently, earning a living, and helping make our world a better place. As the country music song Red Dirt Road by Brooks and Dunn goes, Happiness on Earth aint just for high achievers. Sure, your son with ADHD may become a high achiever, but that alone isnt going to make him successful. Its your job as a parent to help your son identify his purpose, develop his talents, and learn how to get along with people. Its not a high-paying or cushy job, but it is extremely rewarding and, in our opinion, one of the most important jobs youll ever do.

There is no doubt that raising a son is difficult, but raising a son with ADHD is even tougher. When you have a son with ADHD, you face issues that generally arent on other parents radar screens such as:

years of telephone calls from his teachers,

other parents perceptions that you dont know how to discipline your son,

being embarrassed by the impulsive things he says or does,

the intensity of your sons emotional displays,

his fragile self-esteem,

his automatic negativity,

discouragement (yours and his),

relationship issues, and

severe homework struggles.

That last one struck a chord, didnt it? Homework is usually an intense endeavor for boys with ADHD. The average boy may have some difficulty getting started on his homework, but with some gentle prompting, he starts and finishes within a reasonable timeframe. The boy with ADHD? He often has to conquer a personal battle just to get started, and it goes that way every night. His parents prompt, threaten, offer rewards (sometimes they look a little like bribes), and even sit next to their son for the entire time. Sound familiar? One mom told us that because of the continual battles she has with her son with ADHD over homework, she feels he doesnt even like her anymore. Another mother said, Ive battled him so long that I finally put him in aftercare at school so they could get him to do his homework.

Fortunately, there are professionals and resources to help you work through many of the parenting challenges of raising boys with ADHD. You dont have to conquer everything on your own. With some effort, you can find support groups with other parents of boys with ADHD, valuable books, and professionals such as counselors, psychologists, or medical doctors. Locating the right people to help you can take some energy, time on the phone, and research, but it is worth the effort. Not only will you feel less alone, but youll also be making an investment in your son. As one wise mother of adult children told us, You pay now or pay later. To us, it is much better to be proactive and provide assistance to ward off problems than to be reactive and face even larger problems. He may be too young or too immature to realize and verbalize it, but hell thank you later.