Kanoy - The everything parents guide to emotional intelligence in children : how to raise children who are caring, resilient, and emotionally strong

S o what is emotional intelligence anyway? And, more important, how does it relate to your childs well-being? Does it help to shape your childs long-term success? Simply put, yes it mattersa lotto emotional well-being and success! And, the good news is that you can teach children emotional intelligence skills. Children are not born with (or without) emotional intelligence skills. Rather, they develop these skillsor dont develop themby modeling parents and other important adults (e.g. teachers, older siblings, grandparents). And, they learn EI skillsor notby copying what they see on television, experiencing different events, learning from their mistakes, and by responding to different parenting styles. Their development of emotional intelligence largely rests in your hands.

Even though personality and emotional intelligence are very different, a childs basic temperament or personality will sometimes influence which EI skills are easier or harder to acquire. Think of it like learning to ride a bikeeven though some children are more coordinated or have better balance and therefore learn more easily, almost every child can improve with practice and eventually learn to ride a bike. So, certain children, based on their temperament, will need more practice to be comfortable using a skill (e.g., a shy child may find assertiveness more challenging). You need to be realistic about the pace of improvement and remain patient and encouraging as you actively teach emotional intelligence skills.

Youre probably getting the picture that youre teaching your child about emotional intelligence whether you mean to be or not. Thats correct. Thus, paying attention to what youre teaching related to emotional intelligence should be a major priority for you as a parent. Reading this book and implementing the suggested strategies will help you to engage in intentional teaching of emotional intelligence rather than leaving the lessons to chance, or worse, interacting with children in ways that could inhibit their development of emotional intelligence. For example, if you say to your son big boys dont cry, you are teaching him to suppress feelings of sadness. Yet, you may also give him free reign to vent his anger. Can boys only be mad and never sad? And, how does that combination affect their relationships with others? As some of you have witnessed or experienced, suppressing sadness and freely expressing anger will not help your son be effective in relationships as he matures into adulthood.

Or, if youre hovering too much over your children, doing things for them they can do for themselves, youre discouraging a different emotional intelligence skill, their independence. Children need to develop independence in order to separate from parents, whether its to go to camp, to college, or to pursue a terrific job in another state as a young adult. Even if children do manage physical separation, they may be so emotionally dependent that they cannot handle the expectations of college or adult lifemaking decisions, managing money, or handling minor disappointmentswithout calling you for help or support.