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Lynn Jenkins - School Start: Help Your Child to Thrive

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Essential reading for any parent wanting to help their child develop the emotional skills necessary for school success!

Starting school can be an anxious time for both children and parents! Studies increasingly show that children who have good emotional skills are far better equipped to meet any challenges and develop resilience in the face of any setbacks. And its parents and carers who are the key people in helping children to develop these strong emotional foundations.

By focusing on your childs emotional and social needs, School Start enables you to understand your childs brain development and how this impacts on their emotional intelligence. It also offers practical strategies for how you can help your child to: deal with anxiety; initiate new friendships; cope when things dont always go to plan; accept that people have different strengths and weaknesses and that they wont always be the best (or the worst) at things; deal with teasing and bullying; and, develop resilience.

Guidance is also given to help you cope with your own reactions to your child starting school. Its important for new school parents to be self-aware and in touch with their parenting values, as its all too easy to draw on baggage from your own school years when faced with problems your child might face.

With School Start to help you, youll be well equipped to offer the right advice and be the emotional support your child needsno matter what they encounter!

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First published 2014
Exisle Publishing Pty Ltd
Moonrising, Narone Creek Road, Wollombi, NSW 2325, Australia
P.O. Box 60490, Titirangi, Auckland 0642, New Zealand
www.exislepublishing.com
Copyright 2014 in text: Lynn Jenkins
Lynn Jenkins asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved. Except for short extracts for the purpose of review, no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher.
A CiP record for this eBook is available from the National Library of Australia.
Version 1.0
ePub ISBN 978 1 921966 44 6
Illustrations by Kirrili Lonergan and Simon Goodway
Cover design by Tracey Gibbs
Permission to use the glossary of emotions that appears in the Building a relationship chapter has kindly been granted by the publishers of Dr John Gottmans book, What Am I Feeling?, Parenting Press, Seattle, WA, 2004.
The piece by Lynn Jenkins on mindfulness and connecting with her daughter, which appears in the Building a relationship chapter, was first published on the parenting website: www.happychild.com.au
Disclaimer
While this book is intended as a general information resource and all care has been taken in compiling the contents, this book does not take account of individual circumstances and is not in any way a substitute for professional advice. Always consult a qualified practitioner or therapist. Neither the author nor the publisher and their distributors can be held responsible for any loss, claim or action that may arise from reliance on the information contained in this book.
About the book

Starting school can be an anxious time for both children and parents!

Studies increasingly show that children who have good emotional skills are far better equipped to meet any challenges and develop resilience in the face of any setbacks. And its parents and carers who are the key people in helping children to develop these strong emotional foundations.

By focusing on your childs emotional and social needs, School Start enables you to understand your childs brain development and how this impacts on their emotional intelligence. It also offers practical strategies for how you can help your child to:

  • deal with anxiety
  • initiate new friendships
  • cope when things dont always go to plan
  • accept that people have different strengths and weaknesses and that they wont always be the best (or the worst) at things
  • deal with teasing and bullying, and
  • develop resilience.

Guidance is also given to help you cope with your own reactions to your child starting school. Its important for new school parents to be self-aware and in touch with their parenting values, as its all too easy to draw on baggage from your own school years when faced with problems your child might face.

With School Start to help you, youll be well equipped to offer the right advice and be the emotional support your child needsno matter what they encounter!

About the author

Lynn Jenkins is a clinical psychologist, author and mother to three young children. She is passionate about providing education on the social and emotional needs of infants and children.

In her private psychology practice, Life Matters Psychologists, she specialises in perinatal mental health and is particularly interested in the parentchild relationship.

Lynn is trained to facilitate several parenting programs that focus on nurturing the relationship between parents and children, which she runs through her practice.

She contributes regularly to various online parenting sites, and her first book, Best Start: Understanding your babys emotional needs to create the best beginnings, was released in 2012. Consistent with Lynns early intervention approach, her first resource tool picture book, Lessons of a Lac, will also soon be available, intended to help children with anxiety.

As always, for Luca, Evie and Sebastian
Introduction

Starting big school can be, well, big. Its a huge deal for kids. There is a whole new environment to learn about and exist in. New buildings, new people, new routines, new schedules, new rules, and new expectationsnot to mention the new clothes, new shoes, new bags, lunchboxes and drink bottles, and books.

Not only is almost everything new, but generally there is a lot more of everything. A lot more people, a lot more rules, a lot more bells and other noises, a lot more focused school work, a lot more variety in terms of experiences, a lot more food choices at the canteen and perhaps a lot more variety in the personalities and behaviours of the people around them than theyve been used to.

On top of having more of everything and everything being new, everything is bigger. We can run through the same list: bigger buildings, bigger people, bigger clothes, bigger drink bottles, and in some cases, bigger personalities and behaviours to deal with. And of course a special mention needs to be made of the school bags. Often these look at least three sizes too big for the little bodies carrying them on their backs!

A fair number of items need to be carried in those bags Things like a homework - photo 1

A fair number of items need to be carried in those bags. Things like a homework folder, library bag and books, lunchbox and drink bottle, jumper and raincoat. Also on the list (from my school at least) are spare underpants in case of emergencies. I love that spare undies make the list because it reinforces that when our kids start school they are still so young in so many respects. The fact that most of them wont need to use those spares attests to how far theyve come developmentally by the time they get to school, but having them there just in case reminds us how vulnerable they still are at this stage in their lives.

Even though by starting school they are taking a huge step forward in independence, they still need us. They need what theyve always needed from usfor us to listen to them, tune in to them as much as possible, and generally be mindful of their emotional needs and respond consistentlybut they also need some extra things. One of these is for us to remember that they will be coming across issues and situations they most likely wont have encountered in their little lives so far. And they will need a skill set to deal with these.

While the issues and situations they will come across are many and varied, the skills they will need to deal with them fall into just a few categories.

  • Resilience is a big one. This refers to their ability to soldier on despite receiving a few knocks.
  • Communication. This term covers quite a range of skills, but generally having a willingness to talk to and listen to people is helpful, as is a willingness to talk about anything that might be troubling them.
  • Over time, developing some ways to identify their feelings and communicate them is useful.
  • The ability to deal with conflict comes in handy.
  • Social skills in order to mix socially and make friends are helpful.
  • Flexibility and cooperation help them to cope with all the changes they come across when starting school, as well as with adjusting to new rules, schedules and routines.

Who teaches them these skills? Well, their teachers certainly contribute significantly, but its largely wetheir parents and caregiverswho teach them these things through our relationship with them. More specifically, we teach them through how we choose to interact with them, and how we choose to deal with the school issues and situations.

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