Robach - Better: How I Let Go of Control, Held On to Hope, and Found Joy in My Darkest Hour
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- Book:Better: How I Let Go of Control, Held On to Hope, and Found Joy in My Darkest Hour
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- Year:2015
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Better: How I Let Go of Control, Held On to Hope, and Found Joy in My Darkest Hour: summary, description and annotation
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I have breast cancer. When Good Morning America anchor Amy Robach revealed her shocking diagnosis on live television in November 2013, the seasoned news reporter embarked on the most difficult and illuminating journey of her life. In this intimate memoir she retraces the twelve months following her announcement and speaks candidly, for the first time, about how her illness affected her family life and her marriage, tapped into her deepest fears and strengths, and transformed her in ways she never could have imagined.
Only weeks earlier, in September 2013, ABC producers asked Robach to get an on-air mammogram to highlight Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Her first instinct was to say nothere was no history of cancer in her family, she was only forty years old, and she felt strange drawing attention to herself when she had no personal connection to the issue. (Shed been meaning to get her first mammogram that year but had conveniently lost the prescription.) Her colleague Robin Roberts, herself a cancer survivor, convinced her to do it with one simple sentence: I can pretty much guarantee it will save a life.
To Robachs surprise, the life she saved was her own: Tests revealed malignant tumors in her breast, and she immediately underwent a bilateral mastectomy, followed by six months of chemotherapy treatments.
Better is more than a story of illness and recovery. Robach recounts the day she and her husband, Andrew Shue, got the terrible news; the difficulty of telling her two young daughters, and the challenges of carrying on with the everyday duties of parenting, nurturing a fledgling second marriage, and managing a public career. She lays bare the emotional toll of her experience and mines her past for the significant moments that gave her the resilience to face each day. And she describes the incredible support network that lifted her when she hit bottom.
With honesty, humility, and humor, Robach connects deeply with women just like her who have struggled with any kind of sudden adversity. More important, she shares valuable wisdom about the power of the human spirit to endure the worstand find the way to better.
Praise for Better
By selflessly sharing the incredible story of her unexpected journey with breast cancer, Amy has given countless others hope. Better is the perfect title for her beautiful book. Sitting next to her every morning at GMA, Im blessed to experience how my dear colleague and friend makes everything and everyone better.Robin Roberts, co-anchor of Good Morning America
Amy is tough as nails and tenderhearted. The perfect combination, no? I have loved her for years, but never more than when I watched her beat cancer with such strength and grace. Her book is full of hope and healingfor Amy, and for all of us.Hoda Kotb, co-host of Today
[Robachs] beautiful new book, Better, is an exploration of her battle with breast cancer. What I love about it is that she never claims to be fearless; she was petrified. . . . Super inspiring stuff, the kind we need way more of in general.Meredith Rollins, editor in chief, Redbook
With the amazing background to Robachs discovery of her disease, plus her inspirational tenacity during her career, readers will likely never miss their annual mammogram again. For all patient health collections.Library Journal
Robach: author's other books
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Copyright 2015 by Amy Robach
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.
B ALLANTINE and the H OUSE colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
L IBRARY OF C ONGRESS C ATALOGING-IN- P UBLICATION D ATA
Robach, Amy.
Better : how I let go of control, held on to hope, and found joy in my darkest hour / Amy Robach.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-553-39298-2 (hardback) ISBN 978-0-553-39299-9 (eBook)
1. Robach, Amy. 2. Television personalitiesUnited StatesBiography. 3. Television news anchorsUnited StatesBiography. 4. BreastCancerPatientsUnited StatesBiography. I. Title.
PN1992.4.R315A3 2015
791.4502'8092dc23
[B]
2015025171
eBook ISBN9780553392999
randomhousebooks.com
Book design by Diane Hobbing, adapted for eBook
Cover design: Joseph Perez
Cover photograph: Heidi Gutman
(makeup by Valerie Johnson, hair by DeAna Lando)
v4.1
ep
M y older daughter, Ava, was ten when I told her I had cancer. As she struggled to understand what was happening to me, she put her feelings down on paper and wrote a poem but then hid it, too embarrassed to let me see her words. Instead, she showed it to a dear friend and colleague of mine, Sara Haines. Sara and I first met and worked together at NBC, and now were lucky enough to work side by side at ABC. Weve shared a lot of ups and downs over the years, and shes become like a sister to me and an aunt to my daughters. Sara encouraged Ava to give me the poem. She said, Your mom needs to read this. And she was right.
Ava ran up to me one evening in the middle of my chemo treatments and handed me the neatly folded sheet of lined paper.
Mom, please dont read this in front of me, she said as she hurried off to her bedroom and closed the door.
As I began to read Avas words, I was overcome with pride. My little girl had so much compassion in her beautiful heart; her empathy and optimism leapt off the paper. The title of the poem was perfect, simple, and powerful: Better. What a hopeful word. It stared back at me at a time when I felt the opposite. I was weak, but my daughter knew that I would be strong again. My tears started flowing. The voice of my ten-year-old astounded me as I marveled at her incredible wisdom. Her poem was a message of understanding and encouragement, from daughter to mother.
As she walks through the door with her head held up high
And a sparkle in those big blue eyes
That smile is contagious and I dont know why.
This is her battle, yet she strengthens me.
This is her struggle, and she cant be free.
This is her worry, but I have no doubt
She will survive without one pout.
She will be strong, stronger than ever.
Shes a fighter just like her daughter
It has to get worse before it gets better
and trust me it will get better.
My younger daughter, Annalise, was only seven when she had to hear that her mommy had cancer. She spoke to me through her art, drawing me as a princess, as if to make me all-powerful. But at the same time, I noticed how she held on to me a little tighter than before, and I could see in her big brown eyes how much she needed me.
My daughters made me rise up in my darkest moments. I felt stronger, better, just knowing they believed I could conquer this horrible disease. Ive come to recognize that there is no clearer mirror in the world than the reflection of yourself through your children.
Despite the fact that millions of women share this awful illness, cancer can feel very isolating. Ive found over this past year that every time I share my story, other women share theirs, and a beautiful connection is made. Its been a tremendous source of comfort for me, and its the reason I decided to write this book. As a journalist, Im much more interested in telling the story than in being the story. But the fact is, I didnt really have a choice about going public with my illnessI was tested on live television as a public service, and keeping quiet about the rest of my experience just felt wrong. My passion for journalism is rooted in the notion that by providing information we become stronger, more connected people. My goal is to share not only the daily challenges I faced as a newly diagnosed cancer patient but also the evolution that occurred as I transitioned from patient to survivorto thriver. I am a different woman than I was before cancer. I am a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend, and Ive learned so much about myself. Perhaps the biggest lesson was one that I thought I knew yet too often forgot: The truth is, all I really need is exactly what I have right now.
I ve never been a big believer in fate. Too many awful things happen to too many wonderful people for me to accept that theres a larger plan for the greater good. But that said, I have to admit, the events that led to my diagnosis all felt very fated.
I have so many reflections that begin with what if and thank God. What if I had stayed at my previous job at NBC and never switched to ABC? Thank God I jumped networks. What if I hadnt become a larger part of the Good Morning America family, which happened only because of an unexpected twist in GMA host Robin Robertss second cancer battle? Id filled in for Robin every other week for nearly a year while she was on leave for a bone marrow transplant to fight myelodysplastic syndrome. Thank God I was the one who got to step in. If these things hadnt happened, I might never have received the email that ultimately saved my life.
I T WAS LATE September 2013. I was in the rural Pennsylvania home of Marie Monville, a sweet, pretty young mother of three whose husband had walked into a quiet Amish schoolhouse seven years earlier and gunned down ten little girls, killing five of them and then himself. Marie had written a memoir about her life before and after the shooting, and we were about to do her first network-television interview for ABC News. She had remarried, but she still lived in Amish Country. My producer, Kaitlyn Folmer, and I had driven out the night before and stayed at the Hotel Hershey, a few miles from Kaitlyns childhood home. Its stunningly beautiful country, with horse-drawn carriages and pastoral farmsthe last place youd expect to find such a tragedy.
On the morning of the interview, I was still fine-tuning my questions and follow-ups as the crew finalized their camera positions and lighting. They placed Marie in front of the stone fireplace, and when I saw her there, I was struck by how incongruous it all seemed. This poised young woman in this pleasant house in bucolic Middle America had gone through a hell I couldnt begin to understand.
We were about to start rolling when I glanced at my cellphone and saw a cryptic message from Good Morning America producer Sandra Aiken: Can you call me? I have a delicate assignment I need to talk to you about.
Standing in Marie Monvilles kitchen, I dialed into what we call the GMA rim, and when I was transferred to Sandra she seemed just the slightest bit flustered. Were going big for breast cancer awareness next month, she said. Were going to Go Pink in a major way, and we want to show women having live mammograms in our mammovan in Times Square. She paused. Wed also like to have a member of our
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