Vanessa Stoykov - The Breakfast Club for 40-Somethings: A Novel Approach to Unlearning Money and Reinventing Your Life

First published in 2018 by John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd
42 McDougall St, Milton Qld 4064

Ofce also in Melbourne

John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd 2018

The moral rights of the author have been asserted

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the Australian Copyright Act 1968 (for example, a fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism or review), no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, communicated or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission. All inquiries should be made to the publisher at the address above.

Cover design by Paul McCarthy

Cover image Getty Images/MARIUSFM77

In creating this book, the author has been inspired by the movie The Breakfast Club directed by John Hughes and produced by Ned Tanen (1985), A&M Films & Channel Productions (US). However, the author and publisher wish to note that this book is not endorsed by, affiliated with or associated with this movie, its producers, copyright owners or other related parties in any way.

Disclaimer

The material in this publication is of the nature of general comment only, and does not represent professional advice. It is not intended to provide specific guidance for particular circumstances and it should not be relied on as the basis for any decision to take action or not take action on any matter which it covers. Readers should obtain professional advice where appropriate, before making any such decision. To the maximum extent permitted by law, the author and publisher disclaim all responsibility and liability to any person, arising directly or indirectly from any person taking or not taking action based on the information in this publication.

For my father, Tom, who always knew I could.
For my mother, Sue, who insisted I should.
For my husband, Paul, who makes all things good.
And for my sons, Sebastian, Connor and Harrison
quite simply, my life.

All of our thoughts and actions towards money are influenced by our past; by our parents, our upbringing, our community and peers; even by magazines, media and the world around us. But what if some of the things you know about money are the very things holding you back?

After 24 years as a journalist and educator in the financial services industry, and by reflecting on my own unlearning experiences, I have realised that five big lessons around money hold people back from having financial freedom in whatever form that means for them. These lessons need to be unlearned before people can actually learn how to better use what money they do have to reach their goals.

My top five lessons people need to unlearn about money all revolve around five powerful pillars, as shown in the following figure.

Lets explore each of these pillars in detail.

This is a big one in Western society. This pillar is all about the lure of having things that are wants rather than needs. We all do it from clothes, cars, gadgets and eating out to bags and shoes Im talking here about whatever your thing is that you love to spend on.

And when I say this needs to be unlearned, I am not talking about eliminating desire entirely (where is the fun in that?) but rather learning to make decisions around the things that are investments in your happiness, and those that trap you with debt and, therefore, stress and unhappiness.

Sometimes its hard to paint the picture in your mind of what it is you truly want. And usually you have to reach a certain age (mostly in your 40s) before you can start to think about this to have enough life experience to truly understand what brings you happiness and what really matters. When you have clarity around how you want to live long term, you can then start to make a plan toward it.

Without that long-term clarity, however, most of us go from thing to thing, job to job and holiday to holiday, looking for happiness and finding nothing more than moments. Unlearning vague wants and unarticulated desires and getting clarity are critical to achieving your financial prosperity.

The impact that time has on our thinking around money should not be underestimated. When we are young, we think retirement is far away; as we get to middle age, we feel we have so many demands on our money that time keeps slipping away.

We make decisions based on truly not understanding the impact of time like looking for fast money via gambling, or ignoring our super because we cant get it for years anyway. The way most of us look at time has a huge impact on our financial wellbeing.

What we intrinsically believe about money usually turns out to be true. Do you believe that you never have enough? That too much is not a good thing? That it slips through your fingers?

Your belief or mindset around money is definitely learned from childhood. How to change these beliefs is part psychology and part self-examination. Many of us have deep-rooted beliefs that hold us back from our true potential.

Many of us have learned our financial actions from our parents for example, buy a house, put money in the bank. But are these actions the best ones for you to gain financial freedom?

By understanding your options, and the need to have different strategies around your money for long- and short-term goals in your life, you can truly develop an action plan that sees you achieve exactly what you want.

Please note, this book is a tribute to the movie, The Breakfast Club, but it isnt in any way associated with, or endorsed by, the producers or copyright owners of the movie, or any other related parties.

Now comes the fun part. I get to tell you a story. Meet The Breakfast Club for 40-Somethings. Here are characters we can all relate to, because we either are a bit like them, or know people who are. (And if you know me, rest assured that none of these characters is modelled on you! Rather, they are a combination of years of interviewing and people watching, and researching the psychological effects that money has on peoples behaviour.) These characters are also a lot like me in many ways this has been a journey of self-assessment!