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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Unfortunately, this book was written too quickly to give me much of an opportunity to annoy my friends by making them read it. On the plus side, most of my friends cant be mentioned in an Ann Coulter book anyway. After taking the time to figure out what the Resistance was so upset about, I only had about a week to do the writing, so I dont think anyone saw more than ten pages. Consequently, this book should not be held against anyone mentioned here if theyre ever nominated for a confirmable position.
The ones I can thank (or havent asked) are:
Mickey Kaus: My brilliant, liberalstill kind of an oxymoronNew Republic writer/editor pal who, by the way, agrees with me on EVERYTHING!; Robert Caplain: Great reality TV producer who loves animals as much as I hate children (Ive always relied on his encyclopedic knowledge of arcane facts... actually? I really havent. Never mind.); Melanie Graham: Hilarious comedy writer and personal friend of Three 6 Mafia. She was formerly as addicted to drugs as she is currently addicted to all things ME (note to people on twelve-step programs: The thirteenth step is reading all of my books and subscribing to the higher power that is ME); Jim Moody: Not only did this MIT genius help design the cruise missile system, but he was also Linda Tripps lawyer, and most importantly, a fellow Deadhead (Jerry may be deceased, but my love for Jim remains very much alive); Ned Rice: Comedy writer extraordinaire, who has basically worked for everyoneBill Maher, Jay Leno, Conan OBrien, Craig Ferguson, Joan Rivers, etc. (That said? Despite his pedigree, Ive never really needed his input); Younis Zubchevich: My beloved friend whos also the kind of Muslim who makes me sound like a Muslim apologist (thanks for that, Mohammed Uncle Tom); Jay Mann: One of those uneducated, backwoods yokel Trumpsters (Cornell, Harvard Law, Columbia Business Schooland very early Trump supporter); Jon Caldara: What to say about the head of the Independence Institute in Denver, apart from the fact that Ill never eat any brownie he offers me; David Friedman: Hes been a friend of mine forever, a doctor for even longer, and pretty much my only access to healthcare since Obamacare became law; Bill Schulz: Liberal and an excellent drinker, funnier than anyone else at the table even blind drunk, which we test frequently; Suzy Vasillov: She was the cool, disaffected pal I always aspired to be, back in the day; Mallory and Thomas Danaher: Shes an actress, hes a rich businessman... how could it possibly work? (Yeah. Of course it worked. But bless Mallory for her right-wing screeds and bless Thomas for tolerating said right-wing screeds); and the handsome Rodney Lee Conover: Or Hot Rod as... well... nobody calls himbut I owe this wonderful comedian way too much, including his suggestion that I call him the handsome.
Last, and certainly not least, (unless this book doesnt get prime placement at various airport bookstores... then youre all least), my beloved crew: My WME agent Mel Berger, who is so wonderful, he even likes my so-so ideas! Editor Helen Healey (thanks for actually not editing so much... theres wisdom in restraint!); My production team, who are getting my latest tome up and out quicker than it takes her author to actually wake up and get out of the house (Im a late sleeper); and publisher Adrian Zackheim, who had faith in both Coulter and the content (okay... he mostly just had faith in the content).
CHAPTER ONE
The Resistance: Trump Is Hitler Times Infinity
There is a whole group of Americans whose sole political position is: We hate Trump. From the moment he won the election, it has been total war against the president, like nothing this country has experienced before. The left is in a moral panic.
The liberal position on any issue can be summarized as: Wheres Trump on this? Oh, thats awful. Things that never bothered liberals in the pastRussia, vulgarity, the supremacy clauseare now hateful. The things they used to hate have become beloved institutionsthe FBI, the CIA, Mormons, and the Bush family.
The Resistance doesnt care about Trumps positionsthey couldnt name his positions. The problem is aesthetic. Liberals cant abide having that vulgarian in the Oval Office.
Yes, liberals thought Bush was an ignorant boob, but they mostly expressed their disdain with dismissive eye rolls. They held Reagan in contempt, confused about how to respond to a confident conservative, something theyd never encountered before. No one could say Nixon was dumb, so he was mocked as weird and stiff.
Trump is something different. Its not only who he is that enrages them, but whom he replaced. Liberals absolutely adored Obama, often obscenely so. Liberal women openly boasted about dreaming of having sex with him. Even MSNBCs Chris Matthews got a thrill up his leg.
They didnt care about Obamas positions, either. Hes the mirror image of Trump. Obama was cool, elegant, slender, looked great in a suit. The fact that he was black was just a super-bonus. Fanatically supporting Obama meant liberals got to have a black friend. They liked that he was against the Iraq War but would have supported him even if he werent. To go from Obama to the crudest kind of parvenu, bragging about his wealth and IQ, with gold-plated everything, was too much. It would be like having Fred Astaire as your president and then getting Rodney Dangerfield. We get it, liberalsyou hate Trump. But youve convinced yourselves that he poses some kind of existential threat when your real objection is that you think hes a douchebag.
The Resistance imagines indignation gives their apoplexy dignity. Instead of admitting theyre enraged that this clown moved into Obamas house, liberals say: The nation is in crisis. On election night, NBCs Mark Halperin informed Stephen Colberts audience, Outside of the Civil War, World War II, and including 9/11, this may be the most cataclysmic event the countrys ever seen. Since then, its been a game of one-upmanship, to see who can issue the most shocking denunciation of Trump.
Liberals werent always this excitable. They used to pride themselves on their detached view of the passing scene, sneering at the lowbrows tendency to overreact. I thought the whole thing about being cool was to be cool. But since Trumps election, liberals are the ones hyperventilating over nothing and devoting their lives to demented conspiracy theories. Conservatives are the cool ones, refusing to freak out over every little thing.