Thomas Lennon - Writing Movies for Fun and Profit: How We Made a Billion Dollars at the Box Office and You Can, Too!

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Garant, Robert Ben.

Writing movies for fun and profit! : how we made a billion dollars at the box office

and you can, too! / by Robert Ben Garant & Thomas Lennon.

p. cm.

1. Motion picture authorship. I. Lennon, Thomas. II. Title.

PN1996.G34 2011

808.23dc22 2011011985

ISBN 978-1-4391-8675-6

ISBN 978-1-4391-8677-0 (ebook)

This book is dedicated to entertainment lawyers everywhere especially Karl Austen

CONTENTS

Introduction by the sellout authors:

* That last part is not true.

All thatplus FREE SAMPLES!

FOREWORD BY JOHN HAMBURG

Writer of Little Fockers, I Love You, Man ,

Meet the Fockers, Zoolander , and Meet the Parents

Ive known Tom Lennon and Ben Garant since the time they were young, hungry sketch comedians fresh out of New York University, trying to make a go of it in the big city. And from those humble beginnings, its been an honor and pleasure to watch two of the funniest, most talented comedic minds I have ever come across completely sell out and get rich by churning out an endless supply of mindless Hollywood screenplays.

Now, having just purchased this tome, youre probably asking yourself, Why the hell did I just shell out twenty bucks for a how-to book by the writers of Herbie: Fully Loaded ? Thats a great question which I do not have the answer to. You clearly made an impulsive decision, and now you have to live with it. What I do know is that, when it comes to writing big, commercial, hit movies, Tom and Ben truly know what they are talking about. They treat the job like professionalsmore like terminators reallyand their talent, insane work ethic, and practical approach to movie-making has made them two of the most successful scribes in the industry.

Whereas most of us try our hardest to dress down for our meetings with studio executives, when Tom and Ben go to pitch, as legend goes, they wear matching suitsexpensive black suitsso that the execs who may potentially shell out millions of dollars for these guys to write their next potential franchise know that they mean business (having directed Tom as a gay man with whom Paul Rudd goes on a man date in I Love You, Man I also know that black is incredibly slimming on him).

So, in spite of what I wrote a couple of paragraphs back, you have actually made a very wise decision to purchase this book. Aside from the trademark Lennon/Garant wit weve seen in movies like Vin Diesels The Pacifier and the Queen Latifah/Jimmy Fallon vehicle Taxi, this is the most practical, no-nonsense, and useful book Ive ever read on what it really takes to make it as a writer in the movie business.

John Hamburg

New York City

November, 2010

INTRODUCTION

Quit now, or you might just get rich!

So you want to write movies for fun and profit?

By now youve noticed that the words fun and have been crossed out from the title of this bookand for good reason: this is not some fruity Robert McKee screenwriting guide thats going to help you crack your storythis book is not for fun. It is the guide to writing hit movies that make you and the studio piles of money . Period. Yes, we know there was a period at the end of the sentence, but we added the word period too, to show you how very serious we are, exclamation point.

Now, if you want to write art-house films, please put this book down immediately and go gaze longingly out the window. We have no practical information for you on how to write Atom Egoyan films or the kind of films that they show at the Angelika Film Center in Robert McKeeloving Greenwich Village. We do have an appreciation for art-house films, especially the ones where you see Helen Mirrens boobs.

This book is not about screenwriting theory. As Grandpa used to say: Screenwriting theory and a MetroCard will get you a ride on the subway. This book is full of the practical information that nobody else can tell you about surviving and conquering the Hollywood studio system. This is information you need to know, and you will find it only here. And in case you dont believe us, with our screenwriting weve made: and counting at the box office.

$1,467,015,501

Yes, three commas mean billion, people. And people often get confused. A billion is ONE THOUSAND MILLION, not one hundred million. Grandpa used to say: One hundred million dollars and a Metro-Card, and you can buy your own train. Like those two dudes in Wild Wild West.

In this book, you will learn everything you need to know about how to sell and write your own GIANT, FOUR-QUADRANT BLOCK-BUSTER! (Hell, yes, we put selling before writing. Any crusty old film school professor can tell you how to write a scriptbut if they knew how to sell one, they wouldnt be working at some crappy film school!)

Youll learn how to pitch, why to write a spec, when to shut up and nod, and what to do with the giant mountains of cash youre going to earn writing movies in fabulous Hollywood, California!