James L. Ferrell - The Peacegiver: How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes

First printing in hardcover,2004. First printing in hardcover deluxe edition, 2008.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Ferrell, James L.

The peacegiver : how Christ offers toheal our hearts and homes / James L. Ferrell.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-10 1-59038-223-4 (hardbound : alk. paper)

ISBN-13 978-1-59038-223-3 (hardbound : alk. paper)

1. Grandparent and adultchildFiction. 2. MaritalconflictFiction. 3. GrandfathersFiction. 4.Dreams I.Title. PS3606.E75P43 2004

813".6dc22 2003020965

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

"I will take away the stonyheart out of your flesh... "
Ezekiel36:26

Preface

We live in a world at war. I am referring not only to wars betweencountries but also between former friends, siblings, spouses, parents, andchildren. Conflicts between countries are perhaps more dramatic, but the hotand cold wars that fester in the hearts of family members, neighbors, andfriends bring more pain and suffering to this earth in a single day than haveall the world's weapons since the beginning of time. If there ever is to bepeace on earth, we first must find the way to peace in our hearts andhomes.

"I am the way," the Lord declared."After your tribulation, I will feel after you," he promised. "And if youharden not your hearts, and stiffen not your necks against me, I will healyou."

Nothing is more important thanunderstanding not just that the Lord'satonement is the answer to our daily, painful predicaments, but how it is the answer. This book is an account of how the Lord "feelsafter us to heal us," and what we must do to receive the peace of his healing.It is the story of a husband and wife whose marriage is in trouble. It couldjust as well be the story of a father and child who aren't speaking, or ofneighbors who bristle at each encroachment over a property line. The Lord'satonement reaches deep into the trouble of daily life to the very bottom ofevery dispute and hurt feeling. To the predicament of a hard heart, he offersthe promise of a new one. To the pain of hurt feelings, he offers the balm ofhis love. To utter loneliness, he offers the companionship of the heavens.

His birth was heralded by the words"Peace, good will toward men" because his atonement is what makes peace andgood will possible. Whether in a home or a bunker, the way to true, deep,lasting peace is only in and through the Prince of Peace. "He is our peace," Paul declared, for through his atonement he has"broken down the middle wall of partition between us; having abolished in hisflesh the enmity."

There are far too many partitions in ourhearts and homes and too much enmity between us. But the carpenter of Nazarethhas constructed for us peace. My desire is to explore with you how.

Part I

The Gift of Abigail

A Storm in the Soul

The night was cold, inmore ways than one. Outside, a heavy wind pounded thick raindrops against thewindows. The eaves above Rick Carson's bed creaked, as they always did in suchwindstorms, and he could hear the lawn furniture scraping slowly along the patio,as if each chair were reaching out in a futile attempt to grab a handful ofconcrete. At times it felt as though the house's wooden frame was bending, amovement Rick supposed he could have measured if he had either the inkling orthe instruments to do so. He felt himself leaning heavier into his bed, perhapsin his own futile attempt to keep the house anchored to its moorings or in anequally futile attempt to moor himself tosomething solid.

Behind him lay his wife of twelve years.They were hugging their respective edges of the queen bed, she facing thewindow and Rick the wall, careful not to touch each other. It had been threedays since they had spoken a word to one another except out of necessitynearlyas long as the rain had been pounding at their home. Rick lay awake, wonderingwhat he had done to deserve this. Our marriage is a sham, he thought, despite what he considered to have been his bestefforts. There is no tenderness, no understanding. He ached with despair.

Things had been so bad with Carol for solong that Rick could barely remember the good times. There had been some. Infact, during the early years of their marriage Rick had thought he was quitehappy, and he had believed Carol to be as well. But the increasing unhappinessof the intervening years had called these early beliefs into question. Rick wasno longer sure how happy he or Carol had everbeen. His memories of the past and hopes for the future sagged under the weightof a depressing present.

Despite the cloud of unhappiness he feltenveloping his marriage, Rick had until then done his best to minimize and denythe problems. He survived by employing a kind of inner diversionarytrickby pushing from his mind thoughts of Carol, his marriage, and theinjustices and pains that inhabited his inner chambers and by concentrating onother things. Everything will be okay if I can only hang on, he thought, as he did his best to put a happy face on theirrelationship.Carol will come around. But Carol hadn't "come around," and their relationship was onlydeteriorating the more.

As he lay there, Rick could sensesomething amiss in the patience he had been purporting to exercise. For thelonger he exercised it the more bitter and impatient he had become. He felt notunlike the drug addicts and alcoholics who assuage themselves with the naivelie that "this hit or drink will be the last." His marriage was in trouble, andwhat frightened him most was that he wasn't sure he cared anymore.

Over the last five or so years he hadshed many tears over the predicament he found himself in. One night, Carol hadsuggested that perhaps it would be better if he moved out for awhile. "The timeapart might help us appreciate each other more," she had said. But her voicelacked conviction and rang hollow of hope. It was a voice Rick knew, for heheard it within himself as well.

Rick remembered that terrible night ashe now lay listening to the storm. When Carol suggested he leave, it was likehell itself opened wide its jaws to give Rick an immediate and threatening viewof what he had wanted to keep himself from seeing. He began to shakeuncontrollably, and tears that felt like they originated in the marrow of hisbones gushed from his eyes. The tears, shudders, and cries came in torrents.Just as one spasm of heartbreak would seem to pass and his body would start tosettle, a new wave would burst from deep within him and his wailing would beginanew. He felt his hope for happiness, which he had clung to until that moment,slipping away with each teardrop. All the while, Rick recalled, Carol lay nextto him, emotionless. She hadn't reached over to comfort him.

As he lay in memory, Rick could stillfeel the echo of those shudders within him. Things had calmed a bit betweenhimself and Carol over the past eighteen months, but the bleak essentials oftheir relationship remained the same. He hadn't left as Carol had askedbecause, probably out of pity, she had withdrawn the suggestion. But her wordsstill hung in the air between them