Pauline Holdstock - Here I Am!

Pauline Holdstock

a john metcalf book

biblioasis

windsor, ontario

Chapter 1

THURSDAY

I will tell you first how I got on board without a ticket. If I dont you will think I am making it up.

It was easy. First I walked through the big gates with a big crowd of people but thats no good. You will just wonder how I got to the gates and how did I know where the boat was. I will answer the first question but not the second one because everybody knows where the boats are. Well. I ran away from my school when I couldnt stand it anymore and I ran all the way down Princes Street. You cant get lost because there are great big fat arrows and they have DOCKS written right on them in capital letters. And anyway I knew the way because I have a good memory. MyDad took me there right after when MyMum came home from the hospital so he could show me where we were all going to go when she was herself again and he could take us on holiday to France.

I had to keep running all the way so if I saw anyone they wouldnt say Oh hallo! Are you lost? When I came near the big sheds where passengers wait for their boats I slowed down because I was exhausted. I was on my last legs! (Thats what you say. As if you have extra sets.) There were a lot of people in the doorway all talking to each other and undoing their cases and doing them up again and looking in their pockets and hugging and being all sloppy. I said Excuse me excuse me excuse me and everyone I said it to sort of moved out of the way just a tiny bit so I could get by and they were so busy doing what they were doing that they did not even look at me.

Inside it was even bigger than I thought and I could only see legs. It was a good job I looked up high because over on the other side there were two giant notices hanging in the air. One said PASSENGERS with the arrow pointing left and one said VISITORS with the arrow pointing right. (Actually, if you were the arrow it was pointing to its left but dont worry about that. It might confuse you.) I followed the sign that said PASSENGERS because I was going somewhere. And because there was not a sign for PEOPLE WITH NO TICKETS . (That is only a little joke to cheer you up in case you were confused. By the arrows.)

The crowd of people trying to get out of the door for PASSENGERS was even bigger than the crowd of people who had been trying to get inside the shed. I was amazed at how many people were going to France all at exactly the same time as me! I got in really close behind a Mum and a Dad and their kids and sort of squeezed through the door at the same time as them. On the other side you could see the boat only it was a ship. It was gigantic and it was covered all over with strings of coloured triangle flags. They are called buntings. I know that because MyMum told me when we went to the fte up the road for some jam. She said to MyDad I dont care if its church. Ive run out. They had triangle flags everywhere and that is when she told me what they are called. I asked her if it was the same as Cry Baby Bunting and she said Oh dont remind me. Then she played Lucky Straws until she won a bottle of sherry and then we went home. Well we started to go home but we had to go back because she had forgotten to buy the jam. And then we went home.

Anyway. I could see the ship and I could see tiny people up at the top of the gangplank trying to get inside. The top of the gangplank was higher than a house. (Thats just a nestimate. You cant tell exactly because it depends how big the house is.) I could see it even with all the people in front of me. Everyone had to walk all squished together in between big wire fences like the cows in front of us when MyDad had to stop the car only they were hedges then not wire fences. And there wasnt any music then either. Did I tell you I could hear music? It wasnt in my head like it is sometimes. You will see in a minute why not. There was not a lot of room between the fences. Someone said Wheres your Mum? And I started to run. I said Excuse me excuse me excuse me because it worked before and sometimes I said Mum! Mum! as well. I pretended I could see her up ahead and she was calling me to hurry up.

And now I will have to stop telling you this because I have thought of something bad. It is very difficult to think about and I cant do rocking and writing at the same time. You know what they call rocking. Unhelpful behaviour. Ill just stop for a minute and do counting.

All right. Now Im better. So. We started going up the gangplank. There was a big clump of people stuck at the top and now my heart was really loud. It was unbelievable. I thought this is what Panic means. It is not at all like Picnic like I used to think it was when I was little. A man said Let him through please and I said Thank you. And then I remembered and this time I said Mum! Dad! A lady said theyre just inside there. Its OK . I squeezed by and I had done it! I was actually inside the boat. I ran where she pointed and joined up with a Mum and a Dad and a little boy and girl and they didnt even notice. They were talking to some other people and arguing about which way to go. I gave the girl a hug and she looked really frightened. It made me feel funny too because I dont like touching strangers but I did it because that is what youre supposed to do if youre normal. The adults were still arguing so I said This way and the boy followed me then so did everybody else. They were all still talking and they talked all the way up the stairs. At the top I dashed away really fast and went through a door to the deck outside. I was a board! I told you it was easy.

It was noisy and windy outside. Some rusty music was coming out of a loudspeaker. I thought people were clapping too but it was all the coloured flags flapping. Nearly the same thing. It was really confusing. The people were all talking at the same time only they were practically shouting because of the wind and the flags and the music. I went to stand between two big clumps of passengers. They were looking over the rail and waving. I have told you how high the rail is so I looked under instead. It made me dizzy. All the people who were walking about on the ground outside were really tiny. They were like toy soldiers only people. There were hundreds. Some of them were waving back up at the people who were waving down. There were still more coming out of the big shed and going towards the gangplank where I came up or to the other one where I didnt. When I dug two water channels in the wet sand at Seagrove it was just like that.

A man said theyre going to play and he pointed to some people down below They were getting musical instruments out. They made a lot of bad noises and then when they had all had a little practice they started to play. I could hear something like Christmas but the sound kept blowing away and you could only hear the loudspeaker. It was playing a different tune. The people next to me waved down to the people on the ground and some of the people on the ground waved up. I started to feel dizzy like when I have to lie down and do screaming. I rested my forehead on the rail like I rest it on the tree in the playground but it didnt help so I squeezed back out and went to look for somewhere away from everybody. I thought if everyone is up here all around the edge I will find somewhere inside and I went in and down the stairs again. There were still tons of people coming up. When I got down I turned right and went along by some places that looked like shops but they were closed. Then there were more stairs. They had a thick blue rope across. I ducked under and ran down. At the bottom there was another big rope across with a picture of a red hand hanging from it. I thought Good. No one will come here and I ducked under again. I started walking along the corridor. There were so many doors! It was unbelievable. If you looked in the open ones you could see a little room with a bed. They were all the same. Cabins! Silly me! And just when I thought Cabins a door of one opened and two people came out talking to each other. They went along the passageway up in front of me and they didnt look at me at all. But then they stopped and the lady said Oh no! She started looking in her handbag and the man said Ill go back for you and I thought Oh no just like the lady. She said No. Ill go back. I went into one of the open cabins and closed the door. If she had been looking she would have thought I just disappeared. Thats how quick I was.