Alex Carr - An Accidental American (Mortalis)

H OME, SABRI KANJ reminded himself as the jet touched down and the massive engines whined themselves to sleep. Home, he thought. Fairuz on the radio, his mother singing along in the kitchen. Lamb sausages on the grill. A memory to see you through, his friend Khalid had told him once, speaking from experience. Something they wont be able to take from you.

The plane paused, and Kanj could hear the two Pakistanis whod accompanied him laughing in the front of the aircraft, then one of the men lumbered back and unshackled Kanjs feet from the metal bar beneath his seat. An oddly intimate act, Kanj thought, as the entire business had been, the man leaning against him as he had earlier, when theyd stripped and blindfolded and diapered him for the trip. All of it meant to humiliate him, to cow him for what lay ahead. Though Kanj knew all too well where they were taking him, understood as they could not that fear never promised salvation.

Stand up, the man said. He was so close that Kanj could smell his most recent meal. Stale cooking grease and green meat. He put his hand on Kanjs shoulder to steady him, and Kanj winced. The Pakistanis had broken his collarbone in the raid, leaving it tender and raw. Kanj quickly checked himself and the pain, then shuffled into the aisle and started forward.

Where are we, stewardess? he asked with mock cheer, expecting no answer and getting none. Instead, the planes front hatch popped open, and the stink of jet fuel filled the cabin. Somewhere not far in the distance, another plane was taking off, its engines laboring the giant craft skyward.

From out on the void of the tarmac, Kanj heard a snippet of Arabic, the accent clearly Jordanian. Not that it mattered. They could be in any of a handful of places: Syria, Egypt, Morocco. Black holes all, places where a man could get lost, where humanity held little sway against power.

Kanj squinted into the darkness of his blindfold, conjuring the house in Ouzai again, the sound of his mothers voice. Prettier than Fairuzs, hed thought at the time, and she had been prettier as well. This, before the war had ravaged them all. In the living room his older sister was scratching out her math homework, her chin propped in her left hand, her dark eyes studying the page. The smart one of the family. A doctor or a scientist in some other world.

The man touched him on the shoulder, and Kanj felt his gut tighten for an instant. Step down, the Pakistani commanded.

Some other world, Kanj reminded himself, putting his foot forward, feeling the edge of the stair, the drop down toward the tarmac. This memory and the secret he had hoarded along with it all these years. One or the other would save him in the end. A car door popped open, and the man forced Kanjs head and shoulders down, stuffed him into the seat. Then the door closed behind him and Kanj was alone, his skin prickling in the air-conditioned chill.

They drove for what Kanj guessed was an hour. No turns, just a straight line out into the desert, though in which direction Kanj couldnt be sure. South, most likely, or east, for they had not encountered the city. In Kanjs mind, the map of Jordan didnt stop at the great river but pushed like a fist into Israels gut, with Syria edging in from above. And above Israel was Lebanon. Beirut and home again. The Corniche and the sea curving around Pigeon Rocks. The unrestrained bustle of Martyrs Square. The cafs along the rue Bliss, girls from the American University sunning themselves at outdoor tables. The city as it had been, once, and was no more.

It was evening when the car finally stopped and Kanj was pulled from his seat. There was a smell to the air that told Kanj the sun had just set, the perfume of relief and release. The memory of another home. The dirt beneath Kanjs feet was fine as flour, packed hard by thousands of years of sun and wind, the rare wash of rain.

No one spoke here. There were only hands. Hands that led him down into the earth. Fingers that chained him to the floor. The sting of an open palm across his face. Then the blindfold was off, and Kanj was blinking up into the face of the man from whom he knew everything now would come. Pain and fear. Hope. Salvation, even.

His new god, Kanj thought, though the man didnt look the part. He was short and stocky, his underarms ringed with sweat, his bald head glistening in the light of the rooms single bare bulb.

Kanj took a deep breath and raised his head, readying himself for what was to come. I want to talk to the Americans, he said, the same words hed repeated over and over in Pakistan. It was all they would get from him.

I KNEW THE FIRST TIME I saw John Valsamis what he was. It was a warm afternoon, one of those early-spring snaps that wont last. Barely March and shirtsleeves weather, the streams fat with runoff, the first green shoots of the crocuses struggling up toward the light. I had taken Lucifer out for his walk, and when we came home, Valsamis was parked on the road just outside my driveway, a small neat man in a white Twingo, a rental. Though I didnt know why, I knew as surely as if I had invited him that he had come for me.

He could have been any tourist, I suppose, a solitary American lost in this unimportant corner of the world. A wrong turn on the way to Tautavel or one of the Cathar fortresses, and this stop just to check his map and get his bearings. Could have been but wasnt. Even Lucifer could tell something was wrong. Impatient to get home, hed taken off ahead of me, but when I rounded the last corner toward the house, he was stopped dead in the middle of the road.

An ex-con like me, the old shepherd-cross mutt knew the meaning of loyalty, the value of a good home. Id rescued him from the shelter and the imminent jaws of death, and he repaid the favor each day with his own fierce brand of love. His ears flattened now and his tail lowered, curling between his powerful back legs. The dark fur along his neck grew stiff as a straw broom. He turned his head briefly in my direction, then let out a low growl. I had to walk on ahead of him, pretending everything was all right, and even then I was halfway down the drive before he gave up his post and followed behind.

Valsamis stayed in his car while the dog and I went inside. I could see him from the kitchen window while I got Lucifer his food, the car framed perfectly by the single pane of glass, as if hed parked there deliberately, wanting to give me a view. His face was unmoving behind the windshield, half masked by the reflections of the bare trees overhead. I didnt recognize him, couldnt remember what might have brought him to find me. He didnt look like an old client, and he wasnt a cop, of that I was sure. If anything, he seemed more like a con.

I gave Lucifer his bowl, then went into the pantry, climbed up past the shelves of homemade apricot jam and pickled beans Id put up the previous fall, and took down the battered old twelve-gauge Id found in the attic when I first moved in. It wasnt much of a gun, but I felt better having it, and it was loud enough to convince the foxes that had ravaged my henhouse that there were better places in the valley for a free meal.