Table of Contents
Praise for Breathers
Funny, heartwarming, sad, and romantic... refreshingly original, with enough gore to satisfy any zombie fan.
Science Fiction Book Club
Successfully balances humor, horror, social commentary, and a page-turning narrative to great effect. A great and worthy read.
HorrorScope
Breathers will make you root for the undead.... For those who enjoy offbeat humor and satire, this is an excellent choice!
Bookopolis
Humorous, horrific, and enthralling all at once.
SFRevu
Breathers is a zombie novel for everyone. Even people who dont like zombie novels. Its funny, weird, insightful, and endlessly entertaining.
Jonathan Maberry, multiple Bram Stoker Award-winning author of Patient Zero
Brownes black comedy debut brilliantly reinvents zombie culture for the twenty-first century... neatly mixes humor and extreme violence with a surprisingly tender love story, some witty social satire, and an extremely strong narrative voice.
Publishers Weekly (starred review)
A terrific comedy about the perils and joys of life beyond death... a zombie comedy with brains.
Kirkus Reviews
Browne confidently balances a love story with ample amounts of gore and gags that should win over fans of George Romero and Shaun of the Dead ... a welcome deviation in zombie lit.
Booklist
Books by S. G. Browne
Breathers
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First published by New American Library, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
First Printing, November
Copyright Scott Brown, 2010
All rights reserved
NAL REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA:
Browne, S. G. (Scott G.)
Fated/S.G. Browne.
p. cm.
eISBN : 978-1-101-47791-5
1. Mythology, RomanFiction. 2. Gods, RomanFiction. I. Title. PS3602.R7369F.6dc22 2010028769
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For my parents. Thank you for believing.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The following people were put on my path for one reason or another, and Im grateful for all that theyve done to help me try to stay on it:
Michelle Brower, my agent, who constantly makes me realize how fortunate I am to have her in my corner; Wendy Sherman, who opened her doors and welcomed me in; Jessica Wade, my editor, whose questions and insights helped to improve the manuscript in ways I couldnt have accomplished without her; Kara Cesare, who believed in me and brought me on board; everyone on the team at Penguin and NAL who provided their invaluable input, support, ideas, and talents; Cliff Brooks, Ian Dudley, Heather Liston, Shannon Page, Lise Quintana, Amory Sharpe, and Keith White, who all read the first drafts and told me what worked and what needed to be fixed; Leslie Laurence, who offered her insights on Manhattan, chocolate rugelach, and relationships with mortal women; my parents, who believed in me even when I eschewed my business degree to pursue a passion that didnt promise a weekly paycheck; and my friends, who are familiar with all of my faults and arent afraid to point them out to me. You know who you are.
CHAPTER 1
Rule #1: Dont get involved.
Such a simple rule, really. But here I am, sitting in a mall in Paramus, New Jersey, and Im getting frustrated.
Annoyed.
Disappointed.
Eighty-three percent of humans are predictable creatures of habit who get stuck in routines and lifestyles and addictions or who go through their lives swapping one addiction for another.
My eighty-three percent. My humans. All five and a half billion of them.
The mall is one of the best places to go to see human nature at its best. Or worst, depending on how you want to look at it. Men and women, teenagers and children, shopping, eating, gossiping, filling up the vacuum of their lives with retail therapy and empty calories. My favorite malls are old-school. The ones that arent as big as Sri Lanka and still have food courts with Orange Julius, Panda Express, and Hot Dog on a Stick.
In the United States, there are twice as many shopping centers as there are high schools, and the shopping mall has replaced the church as the temple of cultural worship. In a society that encourages its citizens to measure their worth by financial success and material possessions, American humans spend more of their income on shoes, watches, and jewelry than they do on higher education.
Sure, it keeps Greed and Envy busy, but it makes my existence a living hell.
Back when humans were still in their hunter-gatherer phase, existence was all about survival, fulfilling the basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter, so its not like there were a lot of options for better living. Food wasnt prepared by Martha Stewart. Clothing didnt come with a Calvin Klein logo. And shelters didnt require Ralph Lauren curtains with a matching duvet.
The thing about humans is that theyre addicted to products.
Habitual consumers. Indulgence abusers. Gratification automatons.
Programmed to need and want and buy.
MP3 players. Xboxes. PlayStation 3s.
