Scotty Stevenson - Winging It: Random Tales From The Right Wing

TO TEST MATCH RUGBY & BEYOND

I was primed for my first test match. All those years of trying to emulate my heroes on the practice field, all those smashed windows and cold mornings on the fields at Maoribank Park were now about to pay the ultimate dividend.

We arrived at the Hong Kong Stadium early, and I wasted no time getting out onto the paddock. Everyone has their own ritual when they arrive at a stadium. Some guys like to sit down and read the match programme, others like to get straight out onto the grass to get a sense of conditions and the surroundings. Andrew Hore and Jason Eaton liked to do a full lap of the ground before every match, although I always reckoned they were just planning where they were going to have their first beer that night.

It was amazing that both Jason and Andrew captained Taranaki. Wonderful, too, for stadium nicknames: when Jason was skipper, the boys knew Yarrow Stadium as the Pig Pen. I dont think theres another stadium in the world that has been so well nicknamed after team captains: the Bull Ring, for Mark Allen, the Fish Bowl for Paul Tito. Unfortunately, given Andrews surname, there was little choice: Yarrow became The Hore House.

I was so charged up for that game that my boots were on within a minute of arriving at the ground and I was straight into a warm-up. It was probably the greatest warm-up in test match history. I had been out on the field for an hour straight by the time the rest of the team came out. I dont think a bench player has ever worked up so much of a sweat before sitting on the pine for 75 minutes.

Every time the substitutes got up for a stretch during the match I had my jacket off and was ready to go.

I kept looking up at the coaching booth, believing somewhat naively that if I stared up there long enough, one of them might see me and put me on.

Andrew Hore... the surname was always going to be a problem. (Getty)

Soon after the break the first of the substitutions started rolling out. Every time Shandy came over I thought it was my chance to get out there. Fifty minutes passed, then 55. The final quarter arrived, then there were just 10 minutes left.

It was a strange sensation waiting for that first opportunity. Keven Mealamu had been subbed in early when Andrew Hore had been injured, so there were only six of us left on the bench. Maa Nonu stripped in the forty-ninth minute, followed by Piri Weepu, then Greg Somerville and Anthony Boric. Adam Thomson went into the game with seven minutes to go. It suddenly dawned on me that I was the last one left. All I could think about was what it would be like in the sheds after the game knowing that I had come so close to a test debut, only to watch from the sideline.

With the clock ticking towards fulltime, Isaiah Toeava started cramping up. Ill admit it now, I almost started fist-pumping watching my own teammate on the ground as the medics tried to stretch him out. It sounds selfish now, but I just wanted to get out there so badly. Ice couldnt shake his cramp, and so the call finally came. I would have five minutes of the test.

Test match rugby is a collection of moments. The result of the match depends on how each of those moments is dealt with. My first touch in a test match was to catch a high ball. It was just a catch a bread and butter play but that first catch meant everything to me. Cory Jane 1, Test Rugby 0.

My final act of the Hong Kong test... a tackle on Wallabies winger Peter Hynes, which forced a turnover. (Getty)

I was so glad I hadnt flubbed it that I turned to kick the ball back down field, and skied it off the side of my boot and straight into touch. Cory Jane 1, Test Rugby 1.

My final act of the game was to tackle winger Peter Hynes and force a turnover penalty. So, on balance, I figured I was ahead on the ledger. At fulltime we had won the game 1914 and, with it, we had officially retained the Bledisloe Cup.

Those five minutes were so much better than the first time I had sex, and they seemed to last a bit longer, too. After the presentation the Bledisloe Cup was handed to me and Hosea Gear who was also on debut to walk it around the stadium. I dont know whether I was fatigued from my epic 90-minute warm-up, or drained by the adrenaline rush of taking the field in my first test, but that Cup was about the heaviest thing I have ever carried.

You can picture big, buff Hosea Gear on one side and me, the little runt of the pack, on the other. I dont know how many times I told him to stop so I could take a rest, but each time he just told me to hurry up so we could get back to the sheds with the boys. I thought my arm was going to fall off by the time we got back to the tunnel.

Its a lovely touch to get the new boys to carry the Cup, and its something that still happens to this day. I like to think that the idea is to make the new caps feel like part of the team, but I suspect all the veterans just know how much the thing weighs and they dont want to have to carry it themselves. As knackered as I was from the exertion of carrying rugbys biggest cup, I was buzzing when we got back inside.

Im smiling cos Hosea Gear is doing the heavy lifting after our 2008 Bledisloe Cup win in Hong Kong. (Getty)

After the game the handshakes all came with the same message: Welcome to the club. That was in some ways more rewarding than hearing my name called out in the Wellington sheds, because from that day forward, no matter what happened, I had played a test for the All Blacks.

I had everyone sign my first test jersey. Some of them spelt my name wrong. I mean really? The most cherished memento of my playing career has been signed to someone named Corey. Mums still furious about that.

Getting the congratulations from the likes of Dan and Richie was a great feeling, and then the new boys were presented with their first test tie. You get a new All Blacks formal tie on each tour, but you only ever get one first test tie.

I was still pumped up as we boarded the bus that evening to head back to the hotel. On the way back, Keven Mealamu and Rodney Sooialo called me down to the back seat. We had all grown up with stories about the pecking order on the team bus so I was fairly reluctant to heed the call, thinking that I was being put through some kind of rookie test.

I slowly made my way back, thinking at any moment something terrible would happen. By the time I got there I was as tense as a groom with second thoughts.

I looked at Kevvy and Rodney and, sure that I was about to take a pummelling, just came right out and said, Alright, what are you guys gonna do to me?

Kevvy just looked at me like I was some kind of moron. What do you mean, CJ? he asked.

Well, Im ready for yuh, just so you know, I replied defiantly.

Kevvy and Rodney just looked at each other as if they had just heard the most stupid thing in their lives.

No, CJ, said Kevvy with a laugh. Youve just played your first test so we wanted to welcome you!

Oh, okay then. Jeez, I felt goofy.

It was a lovely moment for me, but the problem was I was left thinking Kevvy was nice all the time. Its true, Kevvy is one of the nicest men in the world, but every man has his limits, and trust me to find his.