Scott Ian - Access All Areas: Stories From a Hard Rock Life

Hi, my name is Scott, and I play in a band called Anthrax.

I know you know who I am. You wouldnt be reading this book right now if you didnt. I just dont like to assume that you do because I feel like that would be kind of a dick move and lame to just assume that people know who I am. Like when people come up to me and say, Hi, my name is _________ and I am a really big fan, and then when we shake hands I always say my name as well. If I was to just stand there staring back at them with a jerk attitude thinking, Why yes, of course, you are a big fan and know who I am, and Im not even going to recognize you as a human being by introducing myself, that would be really shitty. Imagine if I were walking down the street and happened to see Angus Young and said, Oh my God, its Angus Young! Its really nice to meet you. I fucking love you and AC/DC so much! My name is Scotthow are you? And he just said, Uh-huh like Im supposed to know who he is. Id be thinking, I love you, Angus Young, but youre kind of a dick.

For the record, Ive never met Angus. Hes my hero, and he could probably put a cigarette out on my arm and Id still pee my pants meeting him.

So I dont assume. I dont expect that everybody knows who I am, even though I have to say I know I have a recognizable head.

Bald. Heavy browed. Very beardy.

Recognizable.

And apparently very confusing.

I get it. Ive been on TV. You may have been flipping channels late one night and glimpsed my face as you passed VH1 and it made an impression. And then you see me somewhere in public and are thinking, Its that guy from that thingI know him from somewhere. I KNOW HIM. I know exactly when these thoughts are running through someones brain. I can see it on their faces, the look people get when they are obviously not an Anthrax fan but just know my non-hipster-bearded-head from somewhere and cant quite put their finger on it and get really excited and come up to me and usually say something like, Hey, uhh, I know you. Youre famouswhere do I know you from?

My general answer to that is, I dont know, sorry because I really dont know who they think I am, and its really not my responsibility to engage and educate the public at large. If they persist, Ill tell them Im in a band called Anthrax. Sometimes that confuses them even more because they only remember seeing me as a talking head on some TV program and have no idea about the band. Im very polite, mind you. I can only hope someone may be curious about Anthrax and go home and check it out.

Sometimes the recognition is stronger, and the person will know I am in a band (actual conversation):

DUDE IN THE AIRPORT: Hey, hey, HEY! [Actually yelling at me and then grabbing my shoulder to get my attention] Youre that guy in that band! Youre in a band, right?

ME: [A tiny bit annoyed at being grabbed waiting in line for coffee] I am.

DUDE IN THE AIRPORT: Which band?

ME: Im in Anthrax.

DUDE IN THE AIRPORT: Nope thats not it.

Im not really sure how to answer that so I dont. Its not like I have a business card to prove it: Scott IanAnthrax. And this never happens in a record store where I could go grab a record out of the racks and show them.

Then there are the people who I think are actually fans, just very confused. Ive had so many people ask me over the years, Arent you the singer of Anthrax?

This is so confusing to me. I look nothing like Joey Belladonna.

And, Arent you the bass player of Anthrax?

I look nothing like Frank Bello. Those guys have flowing locks of luxurious hair, and I have a stubbly egg for a head so, no, Im neither of those guys, and I dont take the time to explain all of that and what I actually do in the band. Remember, these conversations are usually happening when Im catching a flight or eating dinner with my family and its neither the time nor the place.

I know a lot of these people who have made those mistakes have probably gone home and grabbed an Anthrax record, looked at the picture on the album, and said, He couldnt just tell me he was the rhythm guitar player? What a dick!

No, I couldnt tell you. Its not my responsibility. And maybe dont interrupt my conversation with my son about who would win in a fight between Batman and Darth Vader. Oh and also, I would never walk up to Steve Harris (if I need to explain who he is, youd better put this book down right now, back away slowly, go home, and rethink your life choices) and say, Arent you the lead guitar player in Iron Maiden?

Its not just that I get mistaken for guys in my own band either.

Back in the early 2000s there was a band from Los Angeles who got really big, and seemingly every time I got in a taxi the driver would look at me in his rearview mirror and do a stunned double take and yell, System of a Down! To this I would reply, Yes! I am them!

System of a Down are made up of four Armenians, and I guess there were a lot of Armenian taxi drivers in Hollywood in the early 2000s. At least this case of mistaken identity made sense because Systems bass player, Shavo, was bald and also had an abnormal beard, so I understood. I would always go with this one because who am I to bum out the nice taxi driver? Who am I? Im the prick, remember? I could act like a total jerk, and Shavo would get the blame. And then I see Shavo and he tells me, You know how many times people come up to me and ask me if Im Scott Ian?

Oh, really? I mischievously answered. And then Shavo says, Yeah, and then I act like a dick, and they get pissed at you.

Shavo wins.

All of this pales in comparison to a story my father-in-law told me. I also dont assume everyone knows that my father-in-law is Meat Loaf, so if you didnt know, now you do. He told me that he was sitting in his seat on a plane, and the woman sitting next to him asked, Excuse me, sirare you Jim Morrison? This didnt happen in 1968; this was in the 1990s. Meat stared at this lady and finally said to her, Yes. Yes, I am. I am Jim Morrison.