Scott C. Schuler - MAN UP: Its Hard to Resist a Bad Boy…Even More So a Good Man!

A POST HILL PRESS BOOK

Man Up :

Its Hard to Resist a Bad BoyEven More So a Good Man!

2017 by Scott C. Schuler

All Rights Reserved

ISBN: 978-1-68261-520-1

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-68261-521-8

Cover Design Art Direction: Justin Anderson

Interior Design and Composition by Greg Johnson/Textbook Perfect

Project Collaboration: Joanna K. Hunt

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.

Post Hill Press

New York Nashville

posthillpress.com

Published in the United States of America

CHAPTER 5

MAN UP IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Even if you arent married, this is going to be a chapter you need! MAN UP and pay attention! If you are married, there may be all kinds of things going through your head right now. Maybe you are in the honeymoon phase, maybe you are long past the honeymoon phase. Maybe you are in the ready-to-throw-in-the-towel phase! Believe me, Ive been there. This chapter isnt about marriage counseling, but it is about what you have control overyou. You can make different choices than you have in the past. You have the power to change, so be willing to MAN UP in your marriage and then sit back and see what happens.

Husband of the Year

Hey Ted, a bunch of the guys are getting together tonight for poker, are you in?

Nah, sorry Steve, I cant tonight. I have to go see a play with the wife. But, you know what they sayhappy wife, happy life.

I dont know of many men who havent had this type of exchange with a buddy. I dont care how good of a husband you are, no one is perfect. The question is, how often does a phrase like this happen for you? Marriage is tough, and I dont know many men who havent felt like they just got their teeth kicked in at some point in their marriage. The worst part is the number of couples out there who straight-up lie about how great their marriage is! Most times its the same ones who gossip about other couples who are actually dishonest about having troubles when in reality, they are a hairs breath away, from complete disaster, themselves.

Why is marriage so tough at times? Well, you have two different people trying to figure out their individual identity and at the same time their identity together as a couple. Depending on how long they were single, this can be really difficult for someone who has become accustomed to not answering to anyone but themselves. Of course, marriage seems easier at first, because its fresh, new, and exciting. But, as time wears on, the freshness and newness can get a little old and feelings become stale. Consequently, that exciting physical part can begin to wear thin as well.

If that happens, you now hope, somehow there is something emotionally and or psychologically left that the two of you can latch onto to keep things going. This may sound harsh, but its the truth. It is the reason for cultivating more than just a physical relationship with your wife. Obviously, the physical part is important, and there are ways to keep that fresh and exciting, and you should work on that together. But, it cant be everything or the relationship is doomed.

Okay, lets go back to the opening lines of this chapter. Do you remember when you first started dating your wife? I will bet a lot of money the phrase I have to never left your mouth. I would hope for most of us, we were so happy we found a woman who actually wanted to do something with us we wouldnt have even considered that phrase. The happy wife, happy life part? Nine times out of ten, that phrase is typically uttered when we are complaining about having to do something we dont want to, as we alluded to earlier.

Marriage is not always a Cialis commercial, sitting in outside bathtubs, holding hands during a sunset. Work is a big part of any marriage, and not just from one side. Are there things women can or should do better to help the marriage? Of course. They are human and make mistakes just like us. But, if you have been married any length of time, hopefully you understand that there is nothing we can do to force or change them in any way. As I said in the beginning, we need to look at the one thing we as men can control in a marriageourselves! We are the only ones who have control over our words, responses, anger, criticism, complaining, forgiveness, unrealistic expectations, and everything else that originates with us.

Pay Attention

Weve established, and I think everyone understands, that controlling our actions and responses is important. Just as important, if not more so, is paying attention to our wives responses, actions, and moods. Imagine yourself driving on the freeway at seventy-plus miles per hour when you begin to hear an odd noise from your vehicle, or a funny shake or shimmy. What are the chances of that not causing concern? Do you exit as soon as possible and look for an open shop to take a peek at it? Or, if you have the skills yourself, do you begin the troubleshooting process? Of course you doit wouldnt be smart to continue ignoring a potential for disaster. As husbands, why is it we sometimes pay more attention to the noises coming from our boats, trucks, motorcycles, or lawn mowers than we do to someone we promised to love until death do us part?

Lets look at it in a little different way. In almost every business, part of the picture is attracting new customers. The other part of the picture is retention of existing customers. If you focus on the attraction of new customers and forget about the retention piece, you are doing twice the work. You must attract twice the number of new customers to replace income due to the loss of existing customers.

In reality, this concept has some parallel to marriage. Some men think that once they get married, they dont have to put in effort anymore. Its like they went on the hunt, captured their prey, mounted it on the wall, and now they are sitting by the fireplace with their feet up thinking the work is over. Nothing could be further from the truth! Just as in business, in marriage you have to work at keeping a customer as hard as you do making a customer. If you are not paying attention and meeting the needs of your wife (your existing customer), theres a good chance she will begin to look elsewhere to have those needs met.

Not to completely change up the metaphors, but the reality is that your wife is not your trophy, shes your business partner. You wouldnt make decisions without consulting your business partner, would you? You wouldnt shun your business partners ideas or belittle them. No, they have an equal investment, risk, and say in the business, or in this case, the relationship. If you arent including your wife and making the effort to meet her needs, that could drive her to look elsewhere to get those needs met, and at the very least, you would have a very bitter wife on your hands. And if happy wife = happy life, then bitter wife = living hell.

If you are not paying attention to what is happening in your wifes day-to-day activities, interactions with you, the kids, and her emotions, you run the high risk of missing what she needs and leaving her needs unmet. Unmet needs foster bitterness. Plus, if she is bitter, I guarantee you are not happy. And if you are bitter and unhappy, it will transfer to her.

Lets say you are already there. You havent been paying attention and now bitterness has crept in to your relationship. How can you change that? How can you begin to know what your wifes needs are? This is where the manning up part comes in. First of all, you need to apologize. I know, I wasnt there. I dont really know whose fault it was, but trust me on this one. It doesnt really matter and its an excellent first step! A simple, Honey, I realize I havent been paying attention to your emotional needs like I should and Im sorry. I want to do better. Once you pick her jaw up off the floor, give her a kiss and continue with, What can I do to better meet your needs and let you know that I see you as valuable to me and an equal partner in our marriage and in our home?