Glass - A babys cry: the heartbreaking story of a mother torn between fear and love for her newborn child

C hildren can come into foster care at any age and it is always sad, but most heartbreaking of all is when a newborn baby, sometimes only a few hours old, is taken from their mother and brought into care.

Certain details in this story, including names, places, and dates, have been changed to protect the familys privacy.

C ould you look after a baby? Jill asked.

A baby! I said, astonished.

Yes, you know. You feed one end and change the other and they keep you up all night.

Very funny, Jill, I said. Jill was my support social worker from Homefinders, the agency I fostered for. We enjoyed a good working relationship.

Actually, its not funny, Cathy, she said, her voice growing serious. As we speak a baby is being born in the City Hospital. The social services have known for months that it would be coming into care but they havent anyone to look after it.

But Jill, I exclaimed, its years since Ive looked after a baby, let alone a newborn. Not since Paula was a baby, and shes five now. I think I might have my pram and cot in the loft but I havent any bottles, baby clothes or cot bedding.

You could buy what you need and well reimburse you. Cathy, I know you dont normally look after babies we save you for the more challenging children and I wouldnt have asked you, but all our baby carers are full. The social worker is desperate.

I paused and thought. How soon will the baby be leaving hospital? I asked, my heart aching at the thought of the mother and baby who were about to be separated.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow!

Yes. Assuming its a normal birth, the social worker wants the baby collected as soon as the doctor has given it the OK.

I paused and thought some more. I knew my children, Paula (five) and Adrian (nine), would love to foster a baby, but I felt a wave of panic. Babies are very tiny and fragile, and it seemed so long since Id held a baby, let alone looked after one. Would I instinctively remember what to do: how to hold the baby, sterilize bottles, make up feeds, wind and bath it, etc.?

Its not rocket science, Jill said, as though reading my thoughts. Just read the label on the packet.

Babies dont come with labels, do they?

Jill laughed. No, I meant on the packet of formula.

Why is the baby coming into care? I asked after a moment.

I dont know. Ill find out more from Cheryl, the social worker, when I call her back to say you can take the baby. Can I do that? Please, Cathy pretty please if necessary.

All right. But Jill, Im going to need a lot of advice and

Thanks. Terrific. Ill phone Cheryl now and then get back to you. Thanks, Cathy. Speak to you soon.

And so I found myself standing in my sitting room with the phone in my hand expecting a baby in twenty-four hours.

Panic took hold. What should I do first? I had to go into the loft, find the cot and pram and whatever other baby equipment might be up there, and then make a list of what I needed to buy and go shopping. It was 10.30 a.m. Adrian and Paula were at school. Theres plenty of time to get organized and go shopping, I told myself, so calm down.

First, I went to the cupboard under the stairs and took out the pole to open the loft hatch; then I went upstairs and on to the landing. Extending the pole, I released the loft hatch and slowly lowered the loft ladders. I dont like going into the loft because I hate spiders and I was sure the loft was a breeding ground for them. I gingerly climbed to the top of the ladders and then tentatively reached in and switched on the light. I scanned the loft for spiders before going in completely.

I spotted the cot and pram straightaway. They were both collapsed and covered with polythene sheeting to protect them from dust; I intended to sell them one day. I also spotted a bouncing cradle. All of these Adrian and Paula had used as babies. Carefully stepping around the other stored items in the loft and ducking to avoid the overhead beams, I kept a watchful eye out for any scurrying in the shadows and crossed to the baby equipment. Removing the polythene I saw they were in good condition and I carried them in their sections to the loft hatch opening and down the ladders; then I stacked them on the landing, to be assembled later. I returned up the ladders and switched off the loft light, and then closed the hatch and took the pole downstairs, where I returned it to the cupboard.

Perching on a breakfast stool in the kitchen I took a pen and paper and began making a list of the essential items Id need to buy: cot mattress, cot and pram bedding, baby bath, changing mat, bottles and formula milk, first-size clothes, nappies, nappy wipes, baby bath cream, etc. As my list grew, so too did my anticipation and I began to feel a little surge of excitement at the thought of looking after a baby although I was acutely aware that my gain would be another womans loss, as it meant that a mother would shortly be parted from her baby, which is always very very sad.

When the shopping list of baby equipment appeared to be complete and I couldnt think of anything else, I tucked the list into my handbag, locked the back door and, slipping on my sandals, left the house to drive into town. It was a lovely summers day and as I drove my thoughts returned to the mother who was now in labour and whose baby I would shortly be looking after. I knew that taking her baby straight into care from hospital wasnt a decision the social services would have taken lightly, as families are kept together wherever possible. The social services, therefore, must have had serious concerns for the babys safety. Possibly the mother had a history of abuse or neglect towards other children shed had; maybe she was drink and or drug dependent; possibly she had mental health problems; or maybe she was a teenage mother who was unable to care for her infant. Whatever the reason, I hoped, as I always did with the children I fostered, that the mother would eventually recover and be able to look after her child, or if she was a teenage mother that the necessary support could be put in place to allow mother and child to be reunited.

When you think of the months of planning and the preparation that parents make when they find out they are expecting a baby, it was incredible that an hour after entering Mothercare I was pushing the trolley towards the checkout with all the essential items I would need, plus a few extras: I couldnt resist the cuddly soft-toy elephant from the babys first toys display, nor the bibs embroidered with Disney characters and the days of the week, nor the Froggy rattle set. Id pay for these from my own money while the agency had said they would fund the essentials.

It was 1.15 as I paid at the till and then wheeled the trolley from the store and to the lift in the multistorey car park. I was expecting Jill to phone any time with more details and I had my mobile in my handbag with the volume on loud. Sure enough, as I closed the car boot and was about to get into the car my phone went off. Jills office number flashed up and when I answered she said, Its a boy. Hes called Harrison, and hes healthy.

Excellent, I said. And his mother is well too?

I believe so. Cheryl didnt say much other than you should be ready to collect him tomorrow afternoon. She will telephone again tomorrow morning with the exact time to collect him.

All right, Jill. Ill be ready. Ive just been shopping and I think Ive got everything.

Good. And Cathy, just to confirm the baby is healthy. There are no issues of him suffering withdrawal from drink or drugs. His mother is not an addict.