Ives - Polish Joke and Other Plays

Polish Joke and Other Plays Other works by David Ives All in the TimingTime Flies and Other Short PlaysMonsieur Eek

DAVID IVES Copyright 2004 by David Ives All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review. Any members of educational institutions wishing to photocopy part or all of the work for classroom use, or publishers who would like to obtain permission to include the work in an anthology, should send their inquiries to Grove/Atlantic, Inc., 841 Broadway, New York, NY 10003. CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that Polish Joke, Don Juan in Chicago, Ancient History, and The Red Address are subject to a royalty. They are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and all British Commonwealth countries, and all countries covered by the International Copyright Union, the Pan-American Copyright Convention, and the Universal Copyright Convention. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

First-class professional, stock, and amateur applications for permission to perform them, and those other rights stated above, must be made in advance to Writers and Artists Group International, 19 West 44th Street, New York, NY 10036, ATTN: William Craver, and paying the requisite fee, whether the plays are presented for charity or gain and whether or not admission is charged. Published simultaneously in CanadaPrinted in the United States of America FIRST EDITION Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Ives, David. Polish joke and other plays / David Ives. p. cm. eBook ISBN-13: 978-0-8021-9920-1 I. Title. Title.

PS3559.V435P65 2004 812.54dc22 2003067686 Grove Press 841 Broadway New York, NY 10003

This collection brings together four full-length plays Ive written over the last dozen years or so: two comedies and two not-so-comedies. The long-one-act version of Ancient History in this edition replaces a baggier, two-act version of the play. Casey Childs graciously produced both versions at Primary Stages within the span of just a few years. This new, two-act Don Juan in Chicago replaces a baggier three-act version which Casey also produced. The Red Address, in the favored tautology of literary managers everywhere these days, is what it is. David Ives August 2003 This play is for Martha, of course Polish Joke was first presented, at the Ojai Playwrights Conference (Christopher Fields, artistic director) in Ojai, California, in July 2000.

The director was Jason McConnell Buzas. The cast was:

JASIU	Kevin Conway
ROMAN, PRIEST	Vic Polizos
WOJTEK, LADISLAW, LEON, MR. OFLANAGAN, DOCTOR	Victor Raider-Wexler
MAGDA, ZOSIA, ENID, MRS. OFLANAGAN, NURSE	Nealla Gordon
HELEN, PORTIA, RACHEL, MISS MACFLANAGAN, STEWARDESS	Nancy Bell

Polish Joke was produced at A Contemporary Theatre (Gordon Edelstein, artistic director) in Seattle in July 2001. The director was Jason McConnell Buzas; the scenic designer, Loy Arcenas; the costume designer, Rose Pederson; and the lighting designer, M. Geiger.

JASIU	Ted deChatelet
ROMAN, LADISLAW, SANITATION WORKER, KOSCIUSZKO, DOCTOR	Richard Ziman
WOJTEK, PRIEST, POLICEMAN, LEON, MR. JASIU Ted deChatelet ROMAN, LADISLAW, SANITATION WORKER, KOSCIUSZKO, DOCTOR Richard Ziman WOJTEK, PRIEST, POLICEMAN, LEON, MR. OFLANAGAN John Aylward MAGDA, ZOSIA, FLORIST, ENID, MRS. FLANAGAN, NURSE, OLGA Leslie Law HELEN, PORTIA, RACHEL, MISS MACFLANAGAN, STEWARDESS Nancy Bell Polish Joke was produced in New York at the Manhattan Theatre Club (Lynne Meadow, artistic director) in March 2003. The director was John Rando; the scenic designer, Loy Arcenas; the costume designer, David C. Woolard; the lighting designer, Donald Holder; and the production stage manager, Heather Cousens. The cast was: JASIU Malcolm Gets ROMAN, LADISLAW, SANITATION WORKER, KOSCIUSZKO Richard Ziman WOJTEK, PRIEST, POLICEMAN, LEON, MR. OFLANAGAN, DOCTOR Walter Bobbie MAGDA, ZOSIA, FLORIST, ENID, MRS. FLANAGAN, NURSE, OLGA Nancy Opel HELEN, PORTIA, RACHEL, MISS MACFLANAGAN, STEWARDESS Nancy Bell I would like to thank Jason McConnell Buzas, whose incomparable directorial insights contributed immensely to the creation of this play. Note: For ease of reading, I have transliterated certain Polish names and words. Except where noted, the name Sadlowski is pronounced Sadlovski. This with apologies to all Poles and Polish speakers. ACT I SCENE ONE A driveway. ROMAN SADLOWSKI is sitting in a lawn chair with a large, decorated, ceramic beer stein in his hand. WOJTEK (pronouncedVOY-tek) SADLOWSKI is deeply asleep in a matching lawn chair. JASIU (pronouncedYAH-shoo) is sitting on the ground reading a large black book on whose cover we can read the words BEING AND NOTHINGNESS. Jasiu is played by an adult actor, but at this point in the play he is nine years old. ROMANYahshoo, today is the feast of Saint Olga. And you are now nine years old. ROMAN You know what youre gonna be after youre nine, Jasiu? JASIU Im gonna be ten. ROMAN Youre gonna be ten. (Addressing the heavens, lifting the beer stein) Now let the great ceremony begin!JASIU Uncle Roman, how come you always crack an egg in your beer? ROMAN I crack a fresh egg in my beer because Im Polish, Jasiu. JASIU Is that why you put salt in your beer? ROMAN Yes, the salt is also Polish. JASIU Is that why you put salt in your beer? ROMAN Yes, the salt is also Polish. You go all up and down these driveways, you know what the men in those lawn chairs are drinking? JASIU Beer with eggs and salt? ROMAN Beer with eggs and salt. JASIU Does beer taste better with eggs and salt? ROMAN Not really. Eggs and salt is just a part of the Polish heritage. Probly the only Polish discovery besides radium and the sleeveless undershirt. JASIU Is beer healthier with eggs and salt? ROMAN Theres no rhyme nor reason to this, Jasiu. The tradition is just passed on, like a family curse.

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