Honess-Martin - Pine

Dialogue directed to customers is denoted by bold text. Notes on Text / denotes an interruption and overlap of subsequent dialogue against a character is a lack of response where one is expected is an uncompleted thought Note on Songs This text went to press before song choices had been finalised. The original production used contemporary Christmas pop songs, standards, and traditional carols in arrangements by Barnaby Race. Though songs are suggested for certain characters, these can be supported or sung by the whole company. This ebook was created before the end of rehearsals and so may differ slightly from the play as performed. ACT ONESong One GabbyScene OneSunday 29th November.

GABBY is holding a tree upright as SAMI measures it. TAJ is in the corner, unnoticed. SAMI. So what height would you say this is then? GABBY. Five foot. SAMI.

Babe, see, this is the issue we had last year. GABBY. I wonder if I shouldnt be in charge? SAMI. Graduate like you, I think youll be okay. What did you study again? GABBY. You know what I / SAMI.

Writing, wasnt it? GABBY. English literature and language. SAMI. When you / speak the English language. GABBY. Yes. SAMI. SAMI.

Its your mother tongue. GABBY. Yes. SAMI. Thirty grand to study a language you already speak. GABBY.

It really tickles you, doesnt it? SAMI. Cracks me up. GABBY. Still. After all these years. SAMI.

You measure to the crown, yeah? Then, half of the leader and then you round up if its past six inches and down if its less. Cos six inches is half. So whats this? GABBY. Six foot. SAMI. You are going to win Best Outlet this year, I have faith in you, Gabs I believe! GABBY.

Do you want me to slice your eyes out with this Stanley knife now or make it part of training? SAMI. Wont slice nothing with that one, babes, blades blunt, they all are. Health and safety innit. GABBY. I thought you were in Clapham today. SAMI.

The only female boss in a male-dominated industry, you could write an article about that maybe. GABBY. Yes. SAMI. About how you are breaking balls and that. Yes. SAMI. SAMI.

So you can stop eating the chocolates in the lucky dip, now youre in charge, yeah? Theyre for the kids. Set an example. GABBY. Actually, Sam, could I change my mind about that? SAMI. Everyone has to have a lucky dip. GABBY. GABBY.

About being the manager. SAMI. You dont want to do it? GABBY. I think what Id like is to just keep things casual, not stocktake and do rota problems and cash up and have to do Christmas Eve / SAMI. Youll be fine. Yes. SAMI. SAMI.

Really this time, not like last year and the year before and the / GABBY. Yes. SAMI. Unless you want to set us up an empire out there? GABBY. No, thank you. SAMI.

Were expanding, you know? GABBY. To Germany? SAMI. Surrey. GABBY. SAMI. Ive got a full-time job for someone.

Keep your eyes open, let me know whos good. Ive got high hopes for this Joe guy, make him your assistant manager. GABBY. Why not make Taj the manager? SAMI. Because his Aspergers scares the children. Sami. SAMI. SAMI.

Just keep him out back. GABBY. You cant keep saying hes autistic, he isnt. SAMI. Its the spectrum though innit. What? No. What? No.

Hes / SAMI. Nothing like as smart as he thinks he is, thats the trouble. GABBY. Not like you. SAMI. GABBY. GABBY.

Dont say that. SAMI. What? GABBY. School of / life. SAMI. What? GABBY.

You sound like such a bitter / old man. SAMI. Im bitter? You looked in the mirror at your face lately? GABBY. All right. Who else is there? SAMI. This Joe guy and some student called Elizabeth oh! Youre gonna love this: the most important new member of the team, da-dah! GABBY.

Who? SAMI. Here! Speakers! GABBY. What for? SAMI. Outdoor ones. So you dont have to listen to that crappy little radio. GABBY.

We can play the radio on these? SAMI. Nah, for Christmas stuff. GABBY. No way. Come on, Sam, youre not here every day. SAMI.

The customers like it. GABBY. They hate it, they get it everywhere. SAMI. It improves sales. GABBY.

What about staff morale? SAMI. Whats more cheering than Slade? GABBY. A bath of boiling oil. SAMI. Dont make me regret promoting you. GABBY.

That is exactly what Im trying / to do. SAMI. Especially after last year / GABBY. That was a misunderstanding. SAMI. GABBY. GABBY.

No you didnt, I spoke to Big Nick, it was fine. The kid was asking for it. SAMI. Its not your job to discipline other peoples children. GABBY. SAMI. SAMI.

He was four years old. GABBY. We always put Taj through the netter. Thats a tradition. SAMI. TAJ. TAJ.

I dont like it actually. SAMI. How long have you been sitting there? TAJ. About an hour. SAMI. TAJ. TAJ.

The bus only goes once an hour on a Sunday. SAMI. You can walk it in fifteen, Jesus, what, too excited to stay in bed? TAJ. I brought Gabby a coffee, I thought we could catch up. SAMI. By sitting here staring at her? TAJ.

I wasnt expecting you to be here. SAMI. Not over it yet then? GABBY. Sami. Dont. Okay. Okay.

Ill ask this Joe guy to manage. GABBY. Thank you. SAMI. You can earn five twenty-four an hour less, thats about forty-two pounds a day, which is just over a grand all-in. GABBY.

Its an extra thousand pounds? SAMI. Thirteen hundred euro. You can be bossed around all day by some bloke whos never done it before, that make you feel happier? GABBY. Its not the money, it is the money / obviously, but I just I just. SAMI. GABBY. GABBY.

I did not / beg, you just begged me. SAMI. When you called and begged me for this job again I thought this year, unlike last year, we might be able to capture some of that original Christmas spirit, the wide-eyed joy and dedicated customer service you demonstrated when we first hired you. GABBY. Ill look like Im enjoying it if it makes you feel better. TAJ.

I bet you say that to all the girls. No, hear that from. Fuck. SAMI. You all right there, autism? I can feel my Christmas Tingle coming on. GABBY.

Thats sexual harassment. SAMI. If you have other offers of employment. GABBY. I dont. SAMI. SAMI.

No? I cant think why. GABBY. This was supposed to be a one-off, temporary thing. Three years later, Im the manager. SAMI. GABBY. Yes. I know. I know.