Cadillac Man - Land of the lost souls: my life on the streets

To my children

To Carol Vogel:

Never doubt my love for you

Look Whos Here

The Cadillac Man

Recycle Engineer

Have Cans Will Travel

Free Pickup Service Available

I AINT NO SCHOLAR.

I aint no bum.

I have never been good in grammar, so there will be misspellings and perhaps some passages that make no sense to you.

But, hey, Im a street person, not a Rhodes Scholar. You, the reader, will just have to bear with me. Youll see vulgar language, nudity, street jargon, romance, etc. You may laugh or cry or both. You may even say this guy is nuts and should be committed to a padded room with Demerol cocktails. And in a way youre right. You have to be crazy to live out here, but craziness is a way of survival, which Ill explain to you later.

These are my people, my friends, my enemies. I have changed their names, for some are still alive somewhere. I hope not to embarrass or shame.

Others who died (so many), Ill use their real street names to immortalize them so they can be remembered.

This is my story, their story.

Empathy!

Manhattan, 1994

S UNS NOT EVEN up yet, and theres a car radio blaring: Im dreaming of awhite Christmas, just like the ones I used to know.

Hey, fucko! Lower that fucking radio! Its too fuckin early in the morning to hear that shit! Im wasting my time, he cant hear me. Mayyour days be merry and bright... The car drives on, turning the corner on 54th Street, music fading away. Thats it, asshole, spread your joy somewhere else.

Its near Christmas, and, no, I dont know what date it is. Winter sometime. But this much I do know: every year at this time certain radio stations play holiday music for ten days straight. Ten fucking days filled with ho-ho-hos and jingle bells. In the stores, in the diner, coming from every car radio. The military ought to use it for psychological warfare. Tie a prisoner up and have him listen to this music over and over. I guarantee you after a while he will tell you what size brassiere his mother wears! Anything you want to know and then some.

As for me, I used to enjoy it, but only in moderation. Ah, Christmas, such a joyous occasion. The gathering of family and friends. Fuck them all!

Why am I so mean and grouchy? I have every right to be. Im homeless. For six months now, though it seems like Ive been out here all my life.

...

Sitting up in my sleeping bag, I feel unbelievable pain. Something bad happened last night. And, damn, the sleeping bag is stained. I just got this bag, too. Last week as I was sleeping someone left it in my wagon with a note: Hope this keeps you warm. Prior to that my bed consisted of a garbage bag and two old army blankets.

Got up and tried to stretch and almost passed out. Theres a searing pain when I try to take a deep breath. Fucking bastards! I camped last night outside of an office building by the curb, hidden by stacks of black trash bags. It seemed like the perfect hiding spot. Boy, was I ever wrong!

Come on, Cadillac Man, youll feel better once you start walking. The first few steps were sheer torture, but Ill make it, and thankfully the coffee shop was only three blocks away. As I arrived, the owner came outside, blocking the entranceway.

What do you want?

Same as yesterday, sir, four regular coffees and a buttered roll please.

Stay here and dont move.

I dont understand it. Yesterday he was nice, we talked about the weather, the holiday, etc. Now he wont even let me in. Why?

He came back with the coffees and the roll. Here you go.

I paid him. Thank you, sir.

With a look of concern he said, Better go and get yourself checked out.

Ill be all right.

Shaking his head, he went back inside. Do I really look that bad? Went over to a parked car, and the side window reflected an ugly sight. This cant be me. It looks like a person who went twelve rounds with a prize-fighter and lost big-time! Face badly swollen, right eye completely closed, and a few bottom teeth missing. I probably swallowed them. Dried blood everywhere, my shirt heavily stained.

So what happened to me?

They came in the dark while I was sleeping. Dont know how many, doesnt matter anyway. I woke up and they were kicking me all over, again and again. Trapped inside the sleeping bag, I couldnt defend myself. I can still hear their laughter. Then a miracle came: I passed out.

I came to in a pile of trash bags. The punks who attacked me probably thought I was dead and used the bags to conceal my body. The bags were heavy. Trying to push them off, I almost passed out again from the strain.

Anyway, there I am in the car window. Look at me, a fucking bloody mess! Oh, how I wish those suckers were here right now. I would cut out their hearts and send them to their parents!

Just then I heard the sound of an ambulance wailing, getting closer and finally stopping in front of me. Must have been the store owner who called them. There isnt anybody else out at this hour. Im normally wary about medical ser vices, but today Im in need of assistance and wouldnt mind if they wanted to check me out.

The medic gets out and walks over to me with an alarmed look on his face.

What happened to you, sir?

I slipped on a banana peel.

Be serious, sir.

While I was sleeping, a load of dudes decided to stomp on me.

That I believe, sir. Want to go to the hospital?

Nope, no coverage.

Well take you to a city hospital.

No thanks, I cant leave my wagon unattended.

Will you at least let us check you out in the ambulance?

Okay. I stepped inside. Taking off my shirt, I can see there are marks everywhere, scrapes and bad bruises. He starts in with the peroxide and gauze, gives me a good going over, spending a long time around my eye where the worst of it is.

Whats your name, sir?

Cadillac Man.

Cadillac Man, your eye looks bad. There may be nerve damage too. Are you feeling pain anywhere else?

Yeah, all over, but I can deal with it.

Sure you dont want to see a doctor?

I am sure, but thanks for the cleanup.

Okay, if youre sure. To his partner: Were all right here. Just call it in as an RMA, which means I refused medical assistance. Back to me: Its very important to keep that eye clean, okay? Any sign of infection, please go to the hospital right away.