Boddie - Conversations with Swishy Pete Vol I

The fabulous Swishy Pete lives in upper Manhattan with his brassy, sassy friends, Minnie, Char, and Delicious. Youll recognize him the minute he opens his mouth. Hes out and proud, overly talkative, and in your face. A typical New Yorker, but as soon as you meet him, you will never forget him.
Conversations with Swishy Pete Volume I gathers together twelve flash fiction episodes featuring Swishy Pete and his friends as they dish on life in the Big Apple. Sometimes deep, often humorous, these short stories bring a fresh perspective that redefines GLBT stereotypes.
So, honey, come listen in as Pete tells it like it is.

Conversations with Swishy Pete Volume I

By A. Scott Boddie

Published by JMS Books LLC

Visit jms-books.com for more information.

Copyright 2010 A. Scott Boddie

ISBN 978-1-61152-031-6

Cover Photo Credit: Alexandr Stepanov , Javarman

Used under a Standard Royalty-Free License.

Cover Design: J.M. Snyder

All Rights Reserved

WARNING: This book is not transferable. It is for your own personal use. If it is sold, shared, or given away, it is an infringement of the copyright of this work and violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review.

This book is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. Please store your files where they cannot be accessed by minors.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are solely the product of the authors imagination and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Published in the United States of America.

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Conversations with Swishy Pete

By A. Scott Boddie

Episode 1: Introducing Swishy Pete

If you want to know about me and my life, Pete said as he blew dry the final coat of clear nail polish on his right hand, please do not ask me what I do for a living.

If a man is interested in making your acquaintance, how should he proceed? Minnie asked.

Girl, Minnie, boo-boo, let me break it down to you. Suppose some hot n sexy man walks up to you, right?

I aint feeling any men these days, Minnie muttered, as she rolled her eyes.

Alrighty then, say its Ms. Janet Jackson, Pete sighed.

Shes caught up with Ali Baba, so bump her, too, Minnie replied.

His name is Wissam Al Mana.

Whatever.

Girl, Pete blew up, if you dont let me get this story out

Im sorry, Swishy Pete, Minnie said, sarcastic. Get on with it, bitch.

When they ask what you do for a living, professionally, theyre summing you up based on your job title. Baby, I prefer to let them make something up and save me the worry. And dont call me Swishyif I wanted to be insulted, I would call my father.

Hello, its a joke. Minnie smirked. If they dont ask what you do for a living, how are they supposed to pass judgment and determine whether they like you?

Minnie, you can be so simple sometimes. Pete stood. Look at me, honey. Anyone worth knowing can see Im fabulously complex.

Are you saying youre transparent? Minnie asked.

Pete folded his hands together in prayer. See God in everyone. Okaylet me come at this from a different direction. If you saw a homeless man, you wouldnt need to know his professional occupation to know at least the obvious part of his story.

What if hes not homeless but just a bad dresser? Minnie asked.

Dont breathe, girl, or Ill lose you, Pete said crudely. Instead of asking me what I do for a living, why not ask where I was born. Hello? Ask me, bitch.

Hey, Swishy Pete, where are you from, girlfriend? Minnie laughed, barely able to get it all out. Pardon me, sir, where yall from?

Where am I from? How nice of you to ask. Pete clutched his pearls. Im from Oklahoma. Now, Minniewhat does that say to you about me?

Umm, growing up you we were not allowed to walk backward while eating a hamburger.

No, fool! Pete yelled. Thats only true in Oklahoma City. Oklahoma is a great Broadway musical, and it speaks of my yearning to be a stage actress. Next, I was born in the small city of Cherokeewhat do you think that says about me?

Oh, I knowthat you are an afro-descendant of Cherokee extraction, like Beyonc, Minnie raved.

No, that I performed the Cher song, Half Breed, in drag back in the day at the club. Ho!

Donny and Marie, their manager called, your lunch breaks are over. Time to get back to work.

He aint all that just cause hes the manager, and I dont appreciate his tone, Pete headed toward the back door of the restaurant after putting out his cigarette. I couldve been manager if I had finished college.

Is that why you dont tell folks what you do for a living? Minnie asked.

Yep. Pete held the door open for Minnie.

Oh, cool. I just wanted to be clear on your process.

Episode 2: Of Course Not

Good evening. My name is Pete and Ill be your waiter today. Can I offer you something to drink?

Yes, well both have coffee, echoed the ladies.

Very well. Ill be right back with your drinks. Pete headed to the waiters station.

He was preparing the coffees when his manager approached. Hey, Pete. The two old broads at table sixteen want to change their drink orders to Beefeater extra dry martinis.

Thanks. Pete sucked his teeth and poured out the cups of coffee.

Pete, can you grab table eleven for me? I am in the weeds," Minnie grumbled.

Sorry, boo. I gotta get Dorothy and Blanche a couple of cocktails. I think theyre about to dish some dirt on Rose.

You know, Minnie said with a laugh, Debbie Reynolds was up for the part of Blanche, but she wouldnt blow Bea Arthur, so she didnt get the part.

Girl, youre crazy, Pete cried. Lets go get a drink after work.

Sorry, hun. I got the kids tonight. Wanna come over and watch a movie?

Okay. Pete giggled. Let me get these to the girls.

At the table, he deposited the drinks. Here we are, ladiestwo Beefeater martinis, and honey, Im sensing you want me to keep them coming.

Excuse me, sir, one of the ladies said. Im Susan and this is my sister, Gwen. We were wondering, are you gay?

Yes, I am.

We were just commenting how much you remind us of Gwens grandson.

Oh, is he gay? asked Pete.

Of course not, Gwen said.

Okay, Pete said, that sounds like an opinion, not an answer. Let me come at this from a different direction. Does he think hes gay?

Yes, Susan said. Hes eighteen and recently told the entire family hes gay.

Hes not gay, Gwen said. Hes just confused.

Look, Gwen. Pete pulled a chair from the adjacent table and sat. It may be none of my business, but you asked, and you will thank me later. It is an act of emancipation, not confusion, when a young gay person comes out to his family. He isnt asking for your approval; instead, hes extending himself and including you in his life, hoping you include him as he is.

I dont know whether Iwell, the familyif we can accept that he is gay.

Listen, honey. You are a nice lady, and I am sure youre a wonderful grandmother, but dont waste time hoping and wishing he was different. You might not get another chance.