Davis - Overheard: the art of eavesdropping

ART GALLERY, WEDNESDAY 3PM

That reminds me, hows Barbras shingles?

CONTENTS

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CITY, FRIDAY 1PM

This is the sort of first world problem Im talking about: should I get second world noodles or a third world curry?

To overhear is human. Dont feel guilty about it. If someone wants to shoot their mouth off in public about their private life, its not your fault if your ear gets in the way. Overhearing is an accidental, victimless pleasure; a nugget of gossip or snarkiness or exasperation that arrives by happenstance, free of charge.

And if you get away with it, if nobody suspects you overheard, all the better. Someone whines about their terrible wedding, or flirts lasciviously with the waiter, or tries to weasel their way out of a christening and you overhear all about it, no worries: you cant now unoverhear it! In fact, youll most likely enjoy it. Tell your family about it at dinnertime or Tweet it to the world.

For the last decade Ive been doing pretty much exactly that. Ive been overhearing stuff and then telling the world about it via a single panel cartoon called Overheard, which is published every week in a local newspaper. My favourites from more than 500 (including the weird ones, the nonsensical ones, the gobsmacking ones) are presented here in this book.

But to be completely honest with you, Overheard is a misnomer. What Ive actually been doing is eavesdropping, overhearings creepier cousin. Eavesdropping is the accidentally-on-purpose overhearing that one elects to engage in, that one hunts and gathers. (Eavesdropping comes from the act of lurking outside under a houses eaves, undeterred by the drops of rain falling on you as you stubbornly focus your senses on hearing whats going on inside.)

In the pursuit of an overheard I have made it my business to get good at strategically positioning myself, stalking people for a couple of blocks, checking my watch as if Im waiting for someone, keeping my headphones on but turning the sound down. The techniques vary, but the goal is always the same: catch a believe-it-or-not, swear-to-god-its-true quote uttered by someone Ive never met before in my life.

I justify this creepiness by saying Im simply fulfilling journalistic duty, bringing overheard sugar to the masses. But its become more than that. Its now kind of an addiction, an affliction and, at times, a curse. I hear voices all the time. Ill put my hand up a bit to stop my kids from talking so I can tune into the conversation at the next table. My eavesdropping radar is always set to sensitive. Ill hang around cinema queues on cheap Tuesday nights, mooch near the popular paintings in art galleries, make myself inconspicuous down the other end of a park bench. Ill fake-read the backs of books in the self-help section of a bookshop. Ive become skilled at loitering with intent, the intent of bagging a big, juicy, fully formed overheard.

ART GALLERY, WEDNESDAY 10:45AM

Look closely at the sheeps face: such expression. Kind of like an expression you might see in Shrek.

SHOPPING CENTRE, FRIDAY 3PM

Everyone there said I looked thinner which means Im remembered as fat.

The best overheards are of course the ones that force you to creep into the danger zone: close enough to hear, far enough away to be unnoticeable, vague, opaque. Annoyingly, the volume of a strangers voice is inversely proportional to the juiciness of whats being said. And if they sense an interloper theyll shut down completely. People have an amazing awareness of the auditory bubble their voices occupy, and have alarms that trigger when that bubble is breached.

And it is I who must weasel into these danger zones and nick the tastiest morsels. (People talk in big paragraphs, but my cartoon space has a word limit, so I must extract the best sentence.) Eventually, after floating around the womens jeans section of a department store pretending to shop for a pair of womens jeans, for example, I will hear what I need to hear and get the hell out of there. I dont hang around. I slip away, dissolve back into the crowd, sometimes pausing at a safe distance to take a sneaky photo that will assist in the drawing later on. Some days I will return home with five or six useable overheards. Other days nothing.

Popular culture tells us there are consequences for eavesdropping. As a plot point in novels (think Jane Austen), Shakespeare (Much Ado About Nothing) and movies (Goonies), eavesdropping ranges from the convenient to the absurd, but its a device that resonates. What if we overheard a lie, an affair, something to do with murder? What do we do with this information? How do we release the burden of this unsanctioned knowing? At what point is overhearing too much information?

And what if I get caught? It hasnt happened yet, but imagine if it did: how embarrassing! How on earth would I explain myself?

Ten years in the business has given me time to reflect on all this. Ive learned how a wry comment, a snarky aside, a witty retort or a bruising rejoinder can reveal a deeper humanness in a stranger I would not normally think twice about. The little stuff people say speaks volumes. A couples prickly relationship can be summarised in a quick quip, an unusual turn of phrase or an odd selection of adjectives.

Its this brevity that makes overhearing tantalising. We are allotted just a couple of pieces of the jigsaw puzzle and so must imagine the rest. Who are these people? Whos on the other end of the phone call? His mum? His wife? Or lover? We think we have a pretty good idea who, but that all goes out the window when he utters a few particular words during his goodbyes (unexpectedly saccharin, or curt words, for example) and we have to rethink the whole conversation.

CITY, TUESDAY MIDDAY

I was driving past. You were out the front wearing a grey jumper, digging. I had my hand on the horn but Sam said it was too late to beep ... About 1, 2am.

TAKEAWAY SHOP, SATURDAY 7PM

Hang on satays, like, got a shitload of peanuts in it, hasnt it? Or is it chickpeas? Cause I cant eat peanuts. And I dont like chickpeas.

Despite the snarkiness in many of these overheards I cant help being very pleased with the wit and humour you guys have. You kill me, no seriously you do. Its been an honour getting to know you. So please keep it up. Yack away in public, rabbit on, let something slip, use your inside voice outside, dont hold back. Its not your fault if somebodys ears get in the way.