Dickinson - Everything About Me Is Fakeand Im Perfect!

Thank you to all those involved with the making of Everything About Me Is Fakeand Im Perfect without your patience, generosity, and talent, book number two would never have been possible. To:

Rip Mason. You are the best and the brightest. Dont forget it.

Alexis, Mitch, and Morgan Mayer.

Debbie and Evan.

Simon and Melanie Fields.

Graham Kaye and Rodney from Creative Management for all their tireless efforts.

Yatti and Joe Ratna.

Marc Jacobson, my partner in crime and in makeup. My luck shifted the moment you picked up the phone. I owe you a world of gratitude forever. Thank you for being tenacious, brilliant, and superb.

My brother, Edward Tricomeyou simply rule.

Elizabeth, for everything.

Cindy Pearlman. Without running in Manolo Blahniks on our hikes, we wouldnt have developed our corns. You are truly the Black Pearl of the sea.

Alissa LeViness, for she knew not what she embarked on when the other editors paled in her shadow. Thank you for your tireless effort on book number two of the trilogy. Ay, Mami!

The Yoda Master himself, Cal Morgan, the greatest editor and my friend.

My co-alpha dawg, Judith Regan, who sees all and knows all. Thank you for believing once again in the mission.

Paul Olsewski and Carl Raymond, also sex symbols in their own right. Where would I be without the Boy Wonders of the industry? You guys rock so hard!

Angelica Canalesthank you!

Mark Kesten and Duke. You guys are two, hot stud muffins.

John Branca, Wendy Heller, and Matt Johnsonthe most talented fine print artists of all time. Thank you for all your help.

Buck Lockwood, the Tuscan Baseball Cowboy, for belief.

Much gratitude to the United Talent Agencyyou are all fabulous and incredibly intuitive, especially Itay Reiss and Lee Horowitz. Thank you for having the intuitive instinct for recognizing true talent (moi)!

Greg Mayday and Guy Macalwayne at Universal, for depositing my model story seed in the first place, and thank you, also, Larry Thompson, for believing in the project. Merci! Gracias! Danke schn! You are the men of power that truly rockthank you all for everything.

Jim Fox and Mark Jackson. Thank you for cleaning up my act.

John Pearson, for always being right.

Dr. Uzzy and his devoted wife, Yael Reiss, for the balance of anti-aging. Long may you live!

Joe, Betty, Rosa, and the entire staff of the Beverly-Glen Market. You are the family I never knew. Thank you for taking me in always.

John Peters, my big brother, always watching. Youre the best.

Warner Avenue Elementary School. Savvys lineup requires great gratitude. Thank you: Rhonda Peyton, Nicky Peoples, Ms. Saunders, Louise Kirshner, Mr. Kaufman, Mr. Crosley, Lori Terada, Evan Brown, Beryl, Mark Madsen, Ms. Burr, Ms. McCloud, Ms. Gowit. Savvys extraordinary teachersthank you for molding her brain.

Coach Keith and everyone at the Warner Star Program, especially Vicki Feldman and Elissa Spearling. Thank you for your tireless efforts.

Oded Bahat, my sexy, hot, superlative, hot, sex symbol extraordinaire, my periodontist.

Irene Marisolav. To the hottest hygienist who ever rocked teeth, I love you. Sorry about the appointmentsI must have been in bed!

Aida Thibiantfor formulating the best skincare products Ive ever usedtheir products are amazing.

Neil Lanesuperstar jewelry legend extraordinairethank you for your generosity and patience in jewelry. God bless you forever.

Dr. Tom Manero, from the Pain Relief Center, you are the greatest chiropractor that ever walked the earth. Thank you for everything.

David Gray at the Equinox Gym in West Hollywood.

Katie Wagner.

Sharon Osbourne.

To the entire staff of the Beverly-Glen Deli: Karen, Nate, Jorge, Barry, and Loretta. The salamis arent the only thing hangin at the deli!

Beverly Hills Nail Design, the Prid-da Salon, and the Cristoph Salon in Beverly Hills.

To Cheri, Kobe, Evan Skyler, and Ryan HaskettSavvys second family. Without you, Im nothing. Thank you.

The Chazanas Clan. West Wanda is a better place knowing youre there.

My neighbor Peter, my second story man extraordinaire!

Mr. Liam. It would have been death for the first book without your kickstart.

Jimmy Rip and Tony Peck, once again, the giants of guiding my star to sobriety.

Steve Bing, for just being cool.

All of my friends in AA. Your struggles and sanctuary keep me sober one day at a time. All of my gratitude. Thank you.

My sponsor, Sabrina. I love you.

Rita, Flora, Asha, and Coco. I love you. Long live the girls!

Mona & Co. The best designer I know.

Diane von Furstenberg and her entire staff. Much gratitude for the flirty dresses.

Eric Nicholson, Valente, and Renee. Thank you for all your assistance in styling, hair, and makeup on Americas Next Top Model .

Nigel Barker and his lovely wife.

The Diva, Tyra Banks, the last of the breed Supermodel. All of my gratitude and love.

Ken MockMr. Do-it! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Dana Gabron, Anthony, and the crew of Americas Next Top Model .

Les Moonvess at CBS. You rock! Anyone else I forgot on the showsorry, but thank you!

Michael Birnbaum.

Julie and Joe Watson.

Linda Michael.

Joel and Eileen Birnbaum and their family.

And my readersthis is book number two of the trilogy. I am the Lord of the Rings of supermodels, so please look forward to book number three. Oh yeah! Ay, Mami!

Last, but not least, in loving memory of Connie Tricomejust plainly and simply the best there ever was. May you rest in peace.

Hollywood, California, March 1994. For the safety of the general public, there ought to be a sign on my ass reading CautionExtra-Wide Load. When I sit down, it registers a 6.0 on the Richter. Luckily this is Los Angeles, where were obsessed with the earth actually movingand no, Im not getting to my sex life in the first paragraph of this book. (Youll have to read at least three or four more lines until we get there.)

Back to my bod. Its humongous, gargantuan, Orca-likewhich is not how the worlds first supermodel (me) likes to describe herself in print, but I have to be honest. Im so big I wonder if Ill wind up on CNN: Janice Dickinson plopped down on a couch today, forcing hundreds of people to run for cover in doorways.

Im eight months pregnant, eighty pounds overweight, and Im going out of my mind. For the first time in my life, I let it all go and did something insane: I picked up a fork and ate, which is strictly forbidden when youre the worlds first supermodel. For eight months, there was also no binging, no purging, no cocaine, and no alcohol. My drug of choice was food: I was mainlining Hostess and Snickers. I ate like a heifer, looked like an elephant, and dressed like a blimp in a mans white overshirt and black pants.

Im waddling through the lobby of the ultra-chichi, totally fabulous Odeon restaurant with my soon-to-be-ex-husband, Simon Fields. And thats when I happen to see my former lover walk through the door, glance my way, and ignore me completely.

Thats Mick Jaggers love for you.

I stare hard at him, wanting a little satisfaction, but I cant get nowell, you know. Mick looks startled by my intense glareand the fact that I mutter loudly, My God, theyll let anybody in here.