Elder - It was over when--: tales of romantic dead ends
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Copyright 2011 by Robert K. Elder
Cover and internal design 2011 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by Jon Resh/Undaunted
Cover images by Jon Resh; Photo booth usage courtesy of 312photobooth; Micah Young/iStockPhoto
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systemsexcept in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviewswithout permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor in this book.
Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410
(630) 961-3900
Fax: (630) 961-2168
www.sourcebooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Elder, Robert K.
It was over when-- : tales of romantic dead ends / by Robert K. Elder.
p. cm.
1. Dating (Social customs)--Humor. 2. Mate selection--Humor. 3. Love--Humor. I. Title.
PN6231.D3E44 2011
818.602--dc22
2010053372
To All the Girls Ive Loved Before,
and to those who were kind enough to love me,
thank you, Im sorry, and thank you.
First, thanks to our readers and contributors. Without your stories and enthusiasm, there simply would be no book, no website. Thanks for continuing to submit stories and helping spread the word.
My eternal gratitude goes out to Doug Peterson, the founding webmaster and tech guru behind ItWasOverWhen.com and ItWasLoveWhen.com. We spent a summer of extremely late, sleepless nights ironing out glitches and coping with overwhelming traffic, but he was always collected and cool. So thanks, Doug.
A special note of thanks goes out to my friends Jason Bitner, Andrew Huff, and Scott Smith, all of whom gave me invaluable early advice about the sites.
Thanks to filmmaker Kevin Smith (@thatkevinsmith) for writing early on about ItWasOverWhen.com on Twitter. You helped us go viral. And crashed the site.
Hats off to my friends for providing the first anonymous seed stories, which helped start the websites. Among them are: Marc Calvary, Adrienne Clem, Lauren Graham, Esther Kang, Nicole Kristal, Autumn Whitefield-Madrano, Linda McCarty, Billie Oshana, Suzanna Naramore, Sam Parks, Becky Roberts, Bill Savage, Sasha Schwenk, Christine Whitmer Soileau, Shannon Terry, and Aaron Vetch.
I also had some help editing stories and running the websites from superstar editorial assistants Lisa Cisneros, Marcella De Laurentiis, Kasia Dworzecka, Kelin Hall, Samantha Leal, Theodore Nobel, Chelsea Trembly, and Emily Wray.
Thanks to Jon Resh for the amazing cover, which he furiously designed while expecting his first child. Special thanks to Anthony and Andrea Vizzari at 312photobooth.com for hosting our photobooth shoot!
Thanks to my editor at Sourcebooks, Shana Drehs, who believed in this book (and its forthcoming sister, It Was Love When: Tales from the Beginning of Love ) and relentlessly pursued the projects. David Dunton, my tireless agent, is just too cool for words.
None of this, of course, would have been possible without the love, support, and good humor of my lovely bride, Betsy. The websites were built over my hobo summer, when I found myself unemployed and adrift at sea. She continues to be my compass home.
My wife hates this book.
She hated it when she was my girlfriend, hated it when she was my fiance, and now hates it as my wife. (Ive always thought that, perhaps, she feared being listed in it.) She says its petty, mean, and a collection of stories about the straw that broke the camels back.
She has a point, at least with that last part. This is a collection of epiphany moments, of the exact instant when you realize a romance is doomedthat you are, on some level, incompatible with your soon-to-be insignificant other.
But I dont believe these stories are mean or petty. Theyre very human stories.
These stories can be funny, sad, and sometimes bothbut theyre nearly always resonant, therapeutic, and universal. They make us laugh, cringe, sigh, and sometimes wonder what our exes say about us . Some are instructive, as much about ourselves and our expectations as they are a guide to navigating the land mineriddled field of love. These stories feed our inner voyeur and show us how a romance can crash and burn over the tiniest details. The best stories tend to leave us wanting more. Some of them are raw and uneven, which makes them even more real and addictive. A few were edited for clarity, but mostly Ive left them alone.
It Was Over When began as a game I started at parties, a chance to tell stories, laugh, and learn something about new friends. I gathered so many stories that it grew into a website and now, a book. In some ways, it serves as a chronicle of that ever-elusive thing we need as human beings to make us feel passion, comfort, and connection.
Thats why It Was Over When has a sister volume, It Was Love When , which was inspired by my lovely wife. How we know were in love is as important as recognizing when love (or the potential for love) ends.
I like to think that each of these stories has a happy endingthat each romantic misstep eventually leads to finding the right person, to a lasting love story.
Im happy to say thats true for me. Some of the stories in here are mine. These car-wreck relationships (and a few that landed softly, amicably) ultimately led me to a woman who is both funnier and smarter than I am.
Yet, she hates this book.
I love her anyway.
I walked into his room and found swords hanging on his wallslegitimate samurai swords. When I asked him about it, he had a distant look on his face, and said, I am warrior. Not I am a warriorjust I am warrior. Needless to say, I was frightenedand confused.
Maddy
It lasted about two days after that. I gently ended it of course, after being a bit frightened for my life.
After two years together, his lease was up for renewal. I suggested he and I move in together. His response: You want to live with me and my roommates?
Mel
It lasted another six months before I realized he honestly and truly wasnt in this relationship for the long haul.
I was twenty years old and dating a high school teacher in his early thirties. I jokingly remarked one morning that I was not much older than some of his students, to which he replied, Im living vicariously through you because I cant lay a hand on any of them.
Em
I bolted and never contacted him again.
He thought that dinosaurs were a conspiracy theory.
Noel
I pretended I didnt hear.
As I waited patiently for her to get ready, her kitten started nuzzling me. I picked the cat up and realized the poor thing only had one eye. Then my date came in, grabbed the cat from me, and threw it violently onto the kitchen table, where it struggled to catch itself on the slippery surface before falling off the edge and landing on the hardwood floor.
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