Copyright 2011 by Robert K. Elder
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Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410
Elder, Robert K.
It was love when : tales from the beginning of love / by Robert K. Elder.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
(pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Dating (Social customs)Humor. 2. Mate selectionHumor. 3. LoveHumor. I. Title.
Who loves me despite my obsessions.
And deadlines. And quirks.
but this one especially.
acknowledgements
First, thanks to our readers and contributors. Without your stories and enthusiasm, there simply would be no book, no website. Thanks for continuing to submit stories and helping spread the word.
My eternal gratitude goes out to Doug Peterson, the founding webmaster and tech guru behind ItWasOverWhen.com and ItWasLoveWhen.com. We spent a summer of extremely late, sleepless nights ironing out glitches and coping with overwhelming traffic, but he was always collected and cool. So thanks, Doug.
A special note of thanks goes out to my friends Jason Bitner, Andrew Huff, and Scott Smith, all of whom gave me invaluable early advice about the sites.
Thanks to film director Kevin Smith (@thatkevinsmith) for writing early on about ItWasOverWhen.com on Twitter. You helped us go viral. And crashed the site.
Hats off to my friends for providing the first anonymous seed stories, which helped start the websites. Among them are: Marc Calvary, Adrienne Clem, Lauren Graham, Esther Kang, Nicole Kristal, Autumn Whitefield-Madrano, Linda McCarty, Billie Oshana, Suzanna Naramore, Sam Parks, Becky Roberts, Bill Savage, Sasha Schwenk, Christine Whitmer Soileau, Shannon Terry, and Aaron Vetch.
I also had some help editing stories and running the websites from superstar editorial assistants Doni Bloomfield, Olivia Bobrowsky, Lisa Cisneros, Luke Fiedler, Alex Glenn, Marcella De Laurentiis, Kasia Dworzecka, Kelin Hall, Drew Hunt, Shajiah Jaffri, Joey Kahn, Katherine Koster, Samantha Leal, Theodore Nobel, SunJung Monica Park, Daniel Peake, Sofia Resnick, Cheryl Rossetti, Angie Rutkowski, Alexandra Sifferlin, Chelsea Trembly, Bryan West, and Emily Wray.
Special thanks to Jessica Galliart for her thoughtful edits and story choice on the first draft of this book.
Thanks to Jon Resh for the amazing cover, which he furiously designed while taking care of his first infant child.
Thanks to my editor at Sourcebooks, Shana Drehs, who believed in this book (and its sister, It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends ) and relentlessly pursued the projects. David Dunton, my tireless agent, is just too cool for words.
Thanks to my brother, Chad, and mom, Tina, for editing the last batch of these stories during an NFL playoff weekend. And to my three-year-old twins, Dylan and Eva, who usually respond well to, Not now, Daddy is working. This morning, Dylan pointed at my pen and said, Let me have thatwe all do it. Im sure well all be editing together soon enough, little man.
Thanks also to my digital family: the amazing editors and staff at AOL Huffington Post Medias Patch.commost notably Sherry Skalko, Marcia Parker, Brian Farnham, and Warren Webster.
None of this, of course, would have been possible without the love, support, and good humor of my lovely bride, Betsy. These websites were built over my hobo summer, when I found myself unemployed and adrift at sea. She continues to be my compass home.
This book is for her and her alone.
Love,
Rob
Robert K. Elder
Chicago, August 2011
introduction
Its that spark.
It Was Love When is an impossible kind of documentary work, in that Ive set out to bottle lightning, to capture stories of the exact moment we realize were in love.
I say realize because very often love sneaks up on us. We often dont realize were in love until the right mix of chemistry, comfort, and passion finds us. Eventually, we call it love. Some of us cant help it. Others fight it. Very few of these stories are the fabled love at first sight. Most often, I found while collecting stories for this book, love is a groundswellan overwhelming of the heart, mind, body, and spirit.
Before I get too schmaltzy here, I want to point out that this project for me is essentially a work of journalisma bit of story gathering and anthropology. Although love drives us, shapes our lives, and provides the foundation for 99 percent of all pop songs, we still understand relatively little about its nature.
What I love (to overuse the word) about working on this project is talking to couples. They share the same love even though they found themselves in love at different times, in different ways.
And, I have to say, Im comforted by those stories in which relationships end, but the writers still recognize their experiences as love, as something that comforted and shaped them. Love that doesnt last is still love. Too often, I think, people discount romances that end as something less than lovewhich is a disservice to themselves and the people in their lives. The experience of falling in love helps make us who we are.
It Was Love When was inspired by my lovely wife, in part because of her reaction to the sister book in this series, It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends .
She hates it.
She thinks those stories are shallow, petty, and arbitrary. I disagreenothing could be more human (and humorous and tragic) than the stutter-steps before we find love. Theres nothing arbitrary about chemistry and finding the right match.
So, this book is for hera closet romantic who claims not to be one.
If you read closely, you can even find our story in here.
surprising
Stars
After we spent the night together, we couldnt spend the day together because he had things to do. Later that night, we were lying together in his bed, snuggling and reading together, when suddenly he turned off the lights and told me to look up at the ceiling. Glow-in-the-dark stars covered the entire ceiling, spelling out I love you.
Iris
Postscript
Hed spent the whole day working on it! I told him that I loved him too, and weve been together ever since.
The Long Run
My cross-country-running girlfriend decided that we should start working out together, so we decided to go for a run. I made it halfway, but was too exhausted to catch up with her on the way back. I told her to run ahead of me, and soon she disappeared. Then, I realized that I wanted to be with her no matter how tired I was and began running faster to catch up to her. Thats when I saw that she was running back to be with me. We ended up walking home holding hands.