Deschene - Tiny Buddhas 365 Tiny Love Challenges

For Ehren;

Home is where you are.

And for the family night crew;

I love every loud dinner I get to share with you!

Contents

Its ironic, isnt it? We live in a world with billions of people, and were more connected than ever through our rapidly advancing technology, yet many of us feel disconnectedif not physically, then emotionally.

We collect friends online like pennies in a jar, and in much the same way, it doesnt always feel all that valuable. Sure, you might get a like here and there, and you may even command more than your share of comments on updates about your breakfast, your birthday, or your baby. To be fair, you may also have incredibly deep and meaningful connections, online and off, and you may have bought this book to strengthen them even further. But many of us find ourselves with an ever-growing friend list that doesnt necessarily translate to an increased sense of belonging or closeness.

We all need to feel not just connected but deeply seen and accepted. We need to feel that people get us, value us, and love usflaws and all. To meet these needsand meet them for otherswe have to open up, step outside ourselves, and prioritize our relationships. But we dont always do these things, perhaps because we get caught up pursuing everything that seems to be missing from our lives; or, if youre like I was, you may not have fulfilling relationships because you dont yet believe youre worthy of them.

For much of my life, I focused all my energy on improving myself and my circumstances because I thought others would only see my value if I became someone better. It was only after years of pushing myselfand ostracizing myself, in fear of being seen and judged as inadequatethat I realized yet another irony: I didnt need to be someone else or somewhere else to get what I wanted; I needed to accept who I was and be right where I was. Because right there, in the present, there were loved ones I failed to acknowledge while wrapped up in my self-involvement, there were friends Id yet to meet, and wouldnt, if I didnt get out of my head and look around, and there was a whole lot of love I could be giving if only I stopped worrying about the love I wasnt getting.

If youve ever visited tinybuddha.com, the website I started in 2009, you may have recognized in reading the blog and forum posts that were all more similar than we are different. Every one of us wants to find our place in the world and feel part of something larger than ourselves. Every one of us wants to feel that other people care and will be there for us. Every one of us wants to form and maintain close, loving relationships. And every last one of us can do something, no matter how small, to create these relationships right now.

The challenges in this book are all things Ive worked at since deciding to focus less on myself and more on the people around me. While Id like to say I make time every day for a thoughtful conversation, a kind gesture, or even just a few moments of reflection, I sometimes struggle with consistency. If Im not deliberate, I can easily fall back into old habits of self-absorption and get bogged down by worries, wants, and obligations. On those days, I try to remember not only how much better I feel when I prioritize loving others in action, but also how much better the world would be if we all did this more often. Thats why I created this book: to help us all remember to do something, every day, to make the world a kinder, more loving place.

Though the majority of the challenges here involve other people, many pertain to self-love, since we need to love ourselves before we can truly love or be loved by someone else. Theyre all simple, but that doesnt mean theyre easy. Some might test you, stretch you, and draw your attention to fears and beliefs youve never before acknowledged. Some might surprise you in their difficulty, given how simple they look on paper. Others may be things you already do regularly, and with ease.

Regardless of how challenging these are for you, if you commit to working on these things daily, you will slowly start to see benefits. The challenges may help you:

Develop closer bonds in your relationships

Let your guard down more easily to let people in

Express your feelings instead of hiding them

Let go of anger, bitterness, and fear

See the best in the people around you

Relate to and better understand your loved ones

Let go of insecurity so you can relax in your interactions

Turn strangers into friends

Attract healthier relationshipsand believe that you deserve them

Ive organized the challenges by month with eleven different themes, as outlined in the table of contents. As you likely noticed, Kindness and Thoughtfulness starts the book and makes a comeback at the midpoint. Since all loving relationships grow from a foundation of thoughtfulnessand because acts of kindness can be both fun and rewardingit seemed fitting to start both the first and second half of the year with this theme. My hope is that by working on each of these areas for an entire month, at the end youll find it easier, if not instinctive, to regularly practice these habits.

At the start of each week, youll find one or two relevant stories from Tiny Buddha contributors, whove shared their experiences, insights, and lessons on giving and receiving love. If youd like to learn more about any of these individuals, flip to the back of the book to find more information about them in the contributor index. Ive included two of my own stories in July and September. For consistency, and to avoid confusion, Ive put my name on top of these.

Almost every challenge page includes questions for reflection, which may help you complete the activity or put you in the right headspace to do it, and space on the bottom to write about your experience at the end of the day. You may want to get a separate notebook if youd like more room for writing. (Even if you choose not to track your daily progress, you may want to keep a pen nearby, as some of the challenges involve short writing exercises.) Alternativelyor in additionyoure welcome to visit the forum at http://tinybuddha.com/love-forums to share your experiences with other readers. Although Ive arranged the challenges by theme, you dont have work through the book from start to finish. If you prefer, you could do one week on a given theme and then pick a different theme the following week; or, you could open to any page when you wake up in the morning and do whichever challenge you see. Youll notice the final week of every month includes more than seven challenges. This is to accommodate for the additional two to three days in a given month.

However you choose to use the book, I hope it helps you feel more loving, more lovable, and more loved. And I hope it helps you feel more connectedto yourself, to the people around you, and to the world at largeone tiny action at a time.

Reflections from ERNEST DEMPSEY

Maybe youve experienced it beforethat feeling of dread when youre driving down the highway and suddenly something goes wrong. Youre stepping on the gas pedal but nothing is happening. All the little lights on the dashboard come on, and you notice one particular gauge youve been meaning to address sooner. The needle is just past the E. Youre out of gas.

Desperation flashes through your mind as the wheels begin to slow. Other cars start passing you as you attempt to merge over to the emergency lane to get out of the way, the whole time hoping you can coast just a little farther, ever closer to the oasis of fuel at the next exit.

I experienced this recently when I was cruising down a long hill on the interstate and ran out of gas. Fortunately, I was able to get over and coast all the way to the next exit and even up the ramp. When my vehicles momentum finally slowed to a stop, I was relieved to see the gas station only a few hundred yards away, and that Id only have to overcome a slight incline to get there.