Hadleigh - Holy matrimony!: better halves and bitter halves: actors, athletes, comedians, directors, divas, philosophers, poets, politicians, and other celebs talk about marriage

Holy Matrimony!

BY THE SAME AUTHOR:

Celebrity Lies!

Celebrity Feuds!

Celluloid Gaze

The Lavender Screen

Hollywood & Whine

In or Out

Sing Out!

Hollywood Gays

Bette Davis Speaks

Hollywood Lesbians

Hollywood Babble On

Leading Ladies (UK)

Hispanic Hollywood

The Films of Jane Fonda

HOLY MATRIMONY!

Copyright 2003 by Boze Hadleigh. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.

Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC
an Andrews McMeel Universal company
1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106

www.andrewsmcmeel.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Holy matrimony! : better halves and bitter halves ; actors, athletes, comedians, directors, divas, philosophers, poets, politicians, and other celebs talk about marriage / [compiled by] Boze Hadleigh.
p. cm.
ISBN 0-7407-3325-7
1. MarriageQuotations, maxims, etc. I. Hadleigh, Boze.
PN6084.M3 H65 2003
306.81dc21

2002043161

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To Ronnie:
Twenty-seven years... every
days a holiday!

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

L ove and marriage. If theres any topic that most anybody will gladly open up about, thats the one. Or ones. Everybody has a romantic history, a marital tale, or a theory. What makes a marriage last? Why dont most last as long, these days? Love and marriage, or love versus marriage? Does matrimony spell the end of romance? When is the honeymoon actually over? Marriage or honeymoon first? Is sweetheart really the past tense of daddy?

Love is the great common denominator. Its the one thing everybody shares in, regardless of outward differences and varying arrangements or duration. Of course the word has been so overexposed that the romantic souls who still write love letters may choose a more dramatic verb like adore, to distinguish from usages like I love cheesecake or We love our postmanhe always rings twice.

The word marriage has also been modified. For instance, its often used in regard to mergers, as in a corporate marriage. Websters New World Dictionary reminds us that marriage includes any close union and that to marry means to enter into a close relationship. Marriage has expanded beyond a narrow legal term, for obviously two people can be a lifelong loving couple without having signed a contract.

The point is, although love is a universal language, in reality its as varied as the individuals experiencing it. People routinely compare their own to others relationships, measuring not just in years, but more important, in quality, compatibility, fidelity, affection, and so on. Connubial tips, clues, and news are a staple of daily conversation and weekly periodicals. If our neighbors marriages appear too dull to comment on (perhaps because theyre happily uneventful), we can always follow the real-life soap operas of celebrity marriages. We all have certain famous couples we root for, some we feel sure are doomed, and some we just dont believe (publicity-based celebrity mergers).

We root for romance, for lasting unions. We want love to conquer all. And when sometimes it doesnt, we like to knoweven if we dont wish to seem like we want to knowwhat happened? And whose fault was it, really? (We often assume one partner is blame-free!) Our increasingly tabloidized era seems obsessed with love and marriage, love without marriage, marriages ending up without love, and so on.

The love affairs, marriages, and marital woes of celebritiesbe they actors, politicians, or royaltyremind us that theyre human too and reassure us that fame and fortune dont guarantee happy relationships. Reading about VIPs domestic ups and downs brings them closer to us and can put our own less hectic, more stable unions into clearer, more appreciated perspective.

In many or most interviews with celebrities, the most interesting quote is one about love or marriage. The contents of this book were culled from hundreds of interviews and articles in magazines, newspapers, books, and on television. Hopefully these stellar nuggets will amuse, entertain, inform, surprise, evoke laughter, and possibly shock or amaze. They may also make you aware of how good you have it.

Whoso loves believes the impossible.

ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING

When two are gathered together, majorities shall not triumph.

E. M. FORSTER

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.

ENGLISH PROVERB

Sex, and Before Marriage

A husband is whats left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.

LOU COSTELLO OF ABBOTT AND COSTELLO

W hen two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

I f love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

LILY TOMLIN

O ne should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

OSCAR WILDE

A ll marriages are happy. Its after the honeymoon, when you go home together, that the problems usually begin.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS OF SEINFEL

T he success of the marriage comes after the failure of the honeymoon.

ENGLISH WRITER G. K. CHESTERTON

I snt it a shame honeymoons dont last? Such a sweet, lovely time that is. Even if you arent thinking all that logically. On my last honeymoon my husband Charles answered our hotel telephone and said, Miss Channings suite. And I said, Now, Charles, dont flatter me, just find out who it is.

CAROL CHANNING ON HUSBAND-MANAGER CHARLES LOWE, OF WHOM SHE DECLARED DURING DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS THAT HED HAD SEX WITH HER NO MORE THAN TWICE IN FOUR DECADES

M arriage is wild. I thought it was this perfect land of happiness and joy. Wrong! After you say you do, you dont for a long time.

JOHN LEGUIZAMO

I lied on my honeymoonsaid I was a virgin. In a situation like that, at least one person should know what theyre doing.

WOODY ALLEN

O n my first honeymoon, everything was new to me. Even the sight of a naked man. In three words, it was appalling, hilarious, and terrifying.

COSMETICS TYCOON HELENA RUBINSTEIN

I t isnt known how sexually inclined [German writer] Goethe was toward his child-wife Christiane, but we do know that he wrote poems on her backside.

GOETHE EXPERT WILLI KORNGOLD

M arriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.

UK WRITER BEVERLEY NICHOLS

M arriage. Thats a meal where the appetizers better than the dessert.

DEAN MARTIN

T he honeymoon is where they loved happily ever after... for a week or two. Then comes marriage. Realistically, shouldnt the honeymoon trip come after the first fifty weeks, as a reward, something to look forward to?