Bob Moeller - Getting Your Husband to Talk to You

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Verses marked HCSB are from the Holman Christian Standard Bible, copyright 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible, Holman CSB, and HCSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Cover design by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota

Cover photo Brand X Pictures / Thinkstock

The authors are represented by MacGregor Literary, Inc. of Hillsboro, Oregon.

This book contains stories in which the authors have changed peoples names and some details of their situations in order to protect their privacy.

GETTING YOUR HUSBAND TO TALK TO YOU

Copyright 2013 by Bob and Cheryl Moeller

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Moeller, Bob.

Getting your husband to talk to you / Bob and Cheryl Moeller.

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-7369-5201-9 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-5202-6 (eBook)

1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Communication in marriage. 3. MenPsychology. 4. Interpersonal communicationReligious aspectsChristianity. 5. Man-woman relationshipsReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV835.M6425 2013

248.8'44--dc23

2012048918

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To Pastor Rob and Christine Nelson and Pastor Andrew and Tiffany Moeller and the wonderful people of Bethany Church in Chicago. You opened your church and your hearts to us as a home for our ministry. We thank God for you and will be forever grateful for your love and kindness .

Contents

Many husbands talk freely and openly from their hearts with their wives. If thats the case in your marriage, you probably dont need this book.

However, if you wish that your husband would talk to youor talk to you more oftenor talk to you on a deeper levelthen we believe this book will help you. What we offer are principles and techniques that we have seen work time and again in getting husbands who typically dont talkor dont talk muchto begin sharing their thoughts, feelings, and emotions with their wife. When that happens, she hears things locked away in his heart for years or even decades. He feels drawn to her, and she feels drawn to him, and the result is game-changing.

The stories, examples, and illustrations used in this book are taken from actual situations, but the details and settings have been changed to protect identities. In some cases we create a composite picture of one or more marriages to illustrate a particular truth or idea. We also realize that for every principle we share there may be an exception. Maybe in your marriage your husband talks but you dont. If thats the case, there still is help, insight, and benefit to be gained from reading this book. You simply have your husband apply many of the techniques and principles toward you rather than you applying them toward him.

As you begin this journey of getting your husband to talk to you, may you experience afresh the wisdom, power, and truth of Gods Word to transform your marriage.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).

Bob and Cheryl Moeller

Bob was in his midthirties and living out West when a couple having trouble with their marriage approached him for help. It was apparent the wife was seriously considering a divorce. The issue wasnt marital infidelity or domestic abuse or a pornography addiction.

Dan wont talk, Joan simply said. Go ahead and see if you can get him to talk. It wont do any good.

Bob wasnt quite sure what to do. Joan sounded so certain and so convincing that perhaps she was rightperhaps Dan simply couldnt talk to people.

But Bob decided to take her up on her dare to see if he could get Dan to talk. He nervously invited Dan to have lunch at a local hamburger place and was surprised when Dan readily agreed.

For the next few days Bob rehearsed in his mind the different questions he might ask Dan to get him to talk. He compiled a mental list of things to keep the conversation from turning into dead air, as they say in radio.

The day arrived when Bob and Dan sat down to lunch. After exchanging a few cordialities, glancing over the menu, and placing a double order of burgers, fries, and soft drinks, Bob hesitated a moment, cleared his throat, and jumped off the end of the conversational diving board.

So, Dan, how are you? he asked (an anemic question if there ever was one).

What happened next stunned Bob and would eventually serve to change the course of our ministry to struggling couples.

Dan began to talk.

Not only did he begin to talk, he talked on and on. Thirty minutes into Dans soliloquy, Bob realized he had said less than a dozen words. Forty-five minutes into the monologue, Dan was just hitting his stride as he discussed his car, his cat, and his time spent in college. As the hour neared conclusion, Bob concluded he was never going to get a word in edgewise.

Doesnt Dan want to know anything about me?

As the clock struck one, Dan was all smiles. He stood up and shook Bobs hand and thanked him for the lunch. As Dan left and walked happily to his car, Bob was left sitting there in confusion (as well as with the check for lunch).

What just happened here? Bob thought as he stared toward the parking lot. His wife told me that Dan didnt have the ability to talk . Dan had not only talked, he had talked and talked and talked to the point of being rude.

As Bob drove back to the office, a glimmer of truth about men and conversation began to flicker on. Maybe there arent any men who cant talk , Bob mused. Maybe there are only some men who have never been listened to .

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

J AMES 1:19

Through the years we have noticed an interesting pattern with wives who complain about their husbands inability to talk. Usually the wives are more outgoing and talkative while their husbands tend to be more quiet and withdrawn. The conclusion is typically this: the wife was born with the gift of talking while the husband was not.

However, we beg to differ. Simply because the husband does not feel comfortable talking to his wife does not mean he lacks the gifts to do so. As the story in the introduction illustrates, Dan, who was typically silent and unengaged, demonstrated his ability to become extremely talkative given the right setting.

Perhaps talking is not a matter of gifting but of opportunity .

Stalemate or Stale Mate?