Bond James - The Bluffers Guide to Bond

Colette House

52-55 Piccadilly

London W1J 0DX

United Kingdom

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First published 2006

This edition published 2012

Copyright Bluffers 2012

Publisher: Thomas Drewry

Publishing Director: Brooke McDonald

Series Editor: David Allsop

Design and Illustration by Jim Shannon

Additional material by Cara Cummings

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of Bluffers.

A CIP Catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Bluffers Guide, Bluffers and Bluff Your Way are registered trademarks.

Bond is what every man would like to be, and what every woman would like between her sheets.

The Sunday Times book review of On Her Majestys Secret Service

B ond, as they say with each new film, is back. Nonsense. Bond never went away.

And whats more, he never will, because James Bond is more than just a man, more even than a secret agent. James Bond is an eternal truth. To quote The SundayTimes book review of On Her Majestys Secret Service, Bond is what every man would like to be, and what every woman would like between her sheets. As Bonds creator, Ian Fleming, himself said: The target of my books lay somewhere between the solar plexus and the upper thigh.

Bond is always in the collective consciousness, whether or not hes gracing the screen (silver or small), and whether or not we know what hell look like next time. Each time a man approaches a bar to order a pint of beer, a tiny fragment of him fights the urge to make it a vodka martini. Each time a woman sitting at that bar senses the man turning to her, she dreams he will open with: The names Bond, James Bond.

Bonds life is the dream, the aspiration, the impossible goal. The tedious realities of everyday life make us yearn for a world like his, with exotic destinations, gambling, gold and girls; beaches instead of bosses, cocktails instead of cornflakes, spying instead of school-runs, adventure instead of alimony. And, when stuck behind a car that wont get out of the motorways middle lane, who hasnt longed for a button on the dashboard that can fire a rocket up its exhaust?

But where others see an impossible goal as torture, the bluffer sees an opportunity. Educate yourself in 007 and you will always be guaranteed an audience. They will know his name; you can tell them how he got that name. They will know that his martini is shaken, not stirred; you can tell them why. Arm yourself with the right facts, opinions and insider knowledge and you will become as irresistible as Bond himself. For when it comes to holding peoples rapt attention, a Bond snippet is almost as effective as the business end of a Walther PPK.

T he weird thing about conversations concerning James Bond is that people talk about everything except James Bond. They rabbit on about his cars, his gadgets, his girls, his cocktails everything, it seems, apart from the man himself. This is not to say that all the stuff surrounding him isnt interesting; of course it is. But if you really want to stand out in the Bond business, your secret weapon has to be the little-tackled question of 007s identity. Master this and you will deservedly be acknowledged as an aficionado of rare insight and expertise.

You must introduce the subject carefully though. Psycho-literary analysis of a fictional character and his derivation is fascinating, but launch straight into it when everyone else is talking about Roger Moore driving a car underwater and youll sound like a nerd. A useful way to raise the topic is to mention one of 007s great paradoxes: the man billed as the worlds most successful secret agent seems intent on preserving that secrecy by announcing his surname to anyone who will listen, then repeating it (along with his first name) just in case they didnt catch it the first time.

When leading a conversation about Bonds character, you should always remember your central thesis: the books are better than the films. The most intriguing elements of Bonds character are those portrayed in the novels. Everyone else will be floundering in Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig; you can impress them with the man who created Bond: Ian Fleming. Who was his inspiration? The short answer (and a bluffer always values a short answer) seems be: Ian Fleming.

BOND AS FLEMING (OR FLEMING AS BOND)

The similarities between author and creation are just too striking to ignore. A small selection will make the point for you:

• Both are the same height (6) and share the same eye colour (blue-grey).
• One of Flemings mothers first names was St Croix; Bonds mothers maiden name was Delacroix.
• Both lost their father at a young age.
• Both went to Eton (although Bond was expelled in his first year).
• Both served in the Royal Naval Volunteer Reserve, rising from lieutenant to commander during the Second World War.
• Both smoked copiously. Fleming got through 70 a day, Bond 6070, as in Bond lit his 34th cigarette of the day And not just any old cigarettes, but ones made by Morland & Co of Grosvenor Street with a specific mixture of Turkish and Balkan tobacco, decorated with three gold bands (to mirror a commanders stripes).
• Both Fleming and Bond carried a battered black oxidised Ronson lighter.
• Both wore a Rolex (although Fleming never specified which model).
• Both adored scrambled eggs and Barnaise sauce.
• Bond fraternises at an exclusive and expensive club called Blades, based on Flemings own club, Boodles.
• Both had the same golf handicap (nine). You might well have expected Bond to be a scratch player; its reassuring to know he has some imperfections.

One curious exception is that Fleming gave his birthday, 28 May 1908, to Bonds arch-enemy, Blofeld. Perhaps we all dream of being a villain sometimes.

Fleming began writing the first Bond novel, Casino Royale, at the age of 43, as he was about to marry Ann Rothermere, the ex-wife of Daily Mail owner Viscount Rothermere. He claimed that Bond provided distraction from the horror of his impending marriage. Its little wonder, you can point out, that Bonds attitude to women should draw so deeply on the personality of his creator.

Fleming wanted his hero to have the simplest, dullest, plainest-sounding name I could find. James Bond was much better than something more interesting, like Peregrine Maltravers. The name was actually taken from an ornithological book, James Bonds Field Guide to Birds of the West Indies, that Ian Fleming kept at his Jamaican home. On no account, however, should you be tempted to make any of the obvious jokes about Bond and birds.

Why did Fleming want such a plain name? Because he envisaged Bond as a very human hero: a neutral figure an anonymous blunt instrument wielded by a government department. Its best to give your audience time to reflect on this fact. Men in particular will understand the concept of a blunt instrument, though in most cases it will be that chisel they keep meaning to replace.