Ian Fleming - Live and let die: a James Bond novel

Live and Let Die

By Fleming, Ian

TRUE OR FALSE?

BOND looked at the telephone, then he got up and walked over to the sideboard. He put a handful of wilted icecubes into a tall glass, poured in three inches of Haig and Haig and swilled the mixture round in the glass to cool and dilute it. Then he drank down half the glass in one long swallow. He put the glass down and eased himself out of his coat. His left hand was so swollen that he could only just get it through the sleeve. His little finger was still crooked back and the pain was vicious as it scraped against the cloth. The ringer was nearly black. He pulled down his tie and undid the top of his shirt. Then he picked up his glass, took another deep swallow, and walked back to the telephone.

Leiter answered at once.

Thank God, said Leiter with real feeling. Whats the damage?

Broken finger, said Bond. How about you?

Blackjack. Knocked out. Nothing serious. They started off by considering all sorts of ingenious things. Wanted to couple me to the compressed-air pump in the garage. Start on the ears and then proceed elsewhere. When no instructions came from The Big Man they got bored and I got to arguing the finer points of Jazz with Blabbermouth, the man with the fancy six-shooter. We got on to Duke Ellington and agreed that we liked our band-leaders to be percussion men, not wind. We agreed the piano or the drums held the band together better than any other solo instrument Jelly-roll Morton, for instance. Apropos the Duke, I told him the crack about the clarinet - an ill woodwind that nobody blows good. That made him laugh fit to bust. Suddenly we were friends. The other man - The Flannel, he was called - got sour and Blabbermouth told him he could go off duty, hed look after me. Then The Big Man rang down.

I was there, said Bond. It didnt sound so hot.

Blabbermouth was worried as hell. He wandered round the room talking to himself. Suddenly he used the blackjack, hard, and I went out. Next thing I knew we were outside

Bellevue

Hospital

. About half after three. Blabbermouth was very apologetic, said it was the least he could have done. I believe him. He begged me not to give him away. Said he was going to report that hed left me half dead. Of course I promised to leak back some very lurid details. We parted on the best of terms. I got some treatment at the Emergency ward and came home. I was worried to Hell an gone about you, but after a while the telephone started ringing. Police and FBI. Seems The Big Man has complained that some fool Limey went berserk at The Boneyard early this morning, shot three of his men - two chauffeurs and a waiter, if you please - stole one of his cars and got away, leaving his overcoat and hat in the cloakroom. The Big Mans yelling for action. Of course I warned off the dicks and the FBI, but theyre maddern hell and weve got to get out of town at once. Itll miss the mornings but itll be splashed all over the afternoon blatts and Radio and TVll have it. Apart from all that, Mr. Big will be after you like a nest of hornets. Anyway, Ive got some plans fixed. Now you tell, and God, am I glad to hear your voice!

Bond gave a detailed account of all that had happened. He forgot nothing. When he had finished, Leiter gave a low whistle.

Boy, he said with admiration. You certainly made a dent in The Big Mans machine. But were you lucky. That Solitaire dame certainly seems to have saved your bacon. Dyou think we can use her?

Could if we could get near her, said Bond. I should think he keeps her pretty close.

Well have to think about that another day, said Leiter. Now wed better get moving. Ill hang up and call you back in a few minutes. First Ill get the police surgeon round to you right away. Be along in a quarter of an hour or so. Then Ill talk to the Commissioner myself and sort out some of the police angles. They can stall a bit by discovering the car. The F B Ill have to tip off the radio and newspaper boys so that at least we can keep your name out of it and all this Limey talk. Otherwise we shall have the British Ambassador being hauled out of bed and parades by the National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People and God knows what all. Leiter chuckled down the telephone. Better have a word with your chief in

London

. Its about

half after ten

their time. Youll need a bit of protection. I can look after the CIA, but the FBI have got a bad attack of see-here-young-man this morning. Youll need some more clothes. Ill see to that. Keep awake. Well get plenty of sleep in the grave. Be calling you.

He hung up. Bond smiled to himself. Hearing Leiters cheerful voice and knowing everything was being taken care of had wiped away his exhaustion and his black memories.

He picked up the telephone and talked to the Overseas operator. Ten minutes delay, she said.

Bond walked into his bedroom and somehow got out of his clothes. He gave himself a very hot shower and then an ice-cold one. He shaved and managed to pull on a clean shirt and trousers. He put a fresh clip in his Beretta and wrapped the Colt in his discarded shirt and put it in his suitcase. He was half way through his packing when the telephone rang.

He listened to the zing and echo on the line, the chatter of distant operators, the patches of Morse from aircraft and ships at sea, quickly suppressed. He could see the big, grey building near Regents Park and imagine the busy switchboard and the cups of tea and a girl saying, Yes, this is Universal Export, the address Bond had asked for, one of the covers used by agents for emergency calk on open lines from abroad. She would tell the Supervisor, who would take the call over.

Youre connected, caller, said the Overseas operator. Go ahead, please.

New York

calling

London

.

Bond heard the calm English voice. Universal Export. Whos speaking, please?

Can I speak to the Managing Director, said Bond. This is his nephew James speaking from

New York

.

Just a moment, please. Bond could follow the call to Miss Moneypenny and see her press the switch on the intercom. Its

New York

, Sir, she would say. I think its 007.

Put him through, M would say.

Yes? said the cold voice that Bond loved and obeyed.

Its James, Sir, said Bond. I may need a bit of help over a difficult consignment.

Go ahead, said the voice.

I went uptown to see our chief customer last night, said Bond. Three of his best men went sick while I was there.

How sick? asked the voice.

As sick as can be, Sir, said Bond. Theres a lot of flu about.

Hope you didnt catch any.

Ive got a slight chill, Sir, said Bond, but absolutely nothing to worry about. Ill write to you about it. The trouble is that with all this flu about Federated think I will do better out of town. (Bond chuckled to himself at the thought of Ms grin.) So Im off right away with Felicia.

Who? asked M.

Felicia, Bond spelled it out. My new secretary from

Washington

.

Oh, yes.

Thought Id try that factory you advised at San Pedro.

Good idea.

But Federated may have other ideas and I hoped youd give me your support.

I quite understand, said M. Hows business?

Rather promising, Sir. But tough going. Felicia will be typing my full report today.

Good, said M. Anything else?

No, thats all, Sir. Thanks for your support.

Thats all right. Keep fit. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Sir.

Bond put down the telephone. He grinned. He could imagine M calling in the Chief of Staff, 007s already tangled up with the FBI. Dam fool went up to

Harlem

last night and bumped off three of Mr. Bigs men. Got hurt himself, apparently, but not much. Got to get out of town with Leiter, the CIA man. Going down to