Megan Mccafferty - Bumped

Bumped

Megan McCafferty

For Caitlyn, Carly, Cailey, and Zo
when youre old enough

CONTENTS

The United States of America once ranked above all industrialized nations in the realm of teen pregnancy. We were the undisputed queens of precocious procreation! We were number one before, and we can be number one again!

Presidents State of the Union Address

IM SIXTEEN. PREGNANT. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON on the planet.

According to the Babiez R U ad, anyway.

Youre knocked up, sings the girlie chorus. Ready to pop. Due to drop. The sixty-second jingle loops continuously in the dressing room.

I check the MiNet to make sure no one I know is shopping in this wing of the Meadowlands Mallplex. Most of my friends are still in bed sleeping off last nights Tocin hangovers. Im safe.

Do the deed. Born to breed.

Free from neggy eyes, I could act just like the fat and happy models in the commercials. I could shout, I could shimmy, I could show off every pound of my, um, abundant awesomeness . Such gushing doesnt come as naturally to me as it does to other girls. I have to work harder at it, the way my friends struggle to solve calculus equations that are easy for me. Preparing to pregg is a full-time job with no days offbut I dont have a choice. Not when theres so much at stake.

Rubbing my spectacularly distended belly, I want to try out an expression just to hear how it sounds coming out of my mouth.

Im...

Egging. Preggiiing...

Fertilicious?

My whole body sags under the weight of my sigh. Im supposed to own my pregnancy because my extra sixty is oh so sexy , but Id die of embarrassment if anyone I know caught me striking poses like thisespecially Zen. So I guess its a good thing that my best friend has made no effort to see me lately.

Went forth and multiplied. Fightin the omnicide...

I check once more for anyone I know, then blind my MiNet with a blink-left-right-left-wink-double-blink. The song is wrapping up Youre the most important person on the plaaaanet.... Babiez R U! when Im startled out of my reverie by the sound of my own voice.

Well!

I jump.

Ive been so focused on my own expectant spectacle, I forgot that Im not alone in the dressing room. Standing directly behind me is Harmony. Until a few weeks ago, we had never spoken. And until a few hours ago, we had never met in person.

Shes my identical twin.

I LOVE THE MEADOWLANDS MALLPLEX!

Its fast and loud and bright and buzzing with temptation but thats why I love it. I love it because theres no better place for me to do the work I was born to do: to spread the Word. Everyone in Goodside is already on message, but here theres an endless supply of sinners going down the wrong path. Its dizzying trying to decide who to witness to first. Or rather, next. After Melody.

Im here because I lost my best veil. It was so silly, really. I didnt tell Melody the whole story because I was afraid shed laugh at me, or compare me to a happy puppy as Angel did after she calmed down when she saw that my stunt on the bridge hadnt done anyone any harm.

Angel is the driver I called to take me to Otherside. I dont know if thats her name or not, but I like to think that it is. I had seen the billboard on Route 381 a few months ago, the last time it was my turn to leave Goodside
to sell my fruit preserves at the Fayatte County Farmers Market.

Angel Cab Company

1-800-GOD-TRIP

The LORD will watch over your coming and going. Psalm 121

A pair of wings sprouted from the shoulders of the A in Angel. It wasnt difficult to commit the ad to memory, though Im not sure why I did. At the time, I didnt know about Melody and had nowhere else to go.

Angel isnt in the Church but she does have God, which is as blessed as you can get in Otherside. She pulled up promptly at four a.m. and was full of the spirit despite the short notice, early hour, and her advanced age. Her white hair was cropped like a newly shorn lambs, her skin the warm brown of a biscuit ready to be taken out of the oven. With her crinkling eyes and ready smile, I trusted her immediately. Even more so when she asked, Are you ready to let go and let God?

I liked that. It reminded me that I wasnt leaving my faith behind, its always here with me.

I am! I said, buckling myself into the backseat.

If paying someone to take me from Goodside to Princeton sounds indulgent, youre right. But I dont know how to drive and have no access to mass transit maps and schedules and once I decided to leave I really didnt have any time to waste on figuring it all out. I made the right choice because Angel said it wouldve taken me sixteen hours and four transfers (bus, bus, train, train, shuttle bus) to travel three hundred miles. I might have made it past the Goodside gates, but probably not much farther than that before someone took notice of the Church girl traveling all by herself. Angel Cab traveled the same distance in just over three. I was halfway to Princeton before first light, and arrived on my sisters doorstep in time for a breakfast prayer! The one-way fare cost all the money I had in the world, but thats just one of many worries Im choosing not to bother myself with right now.

Ive taken missionary trips to other mallplexes with my prayerclique, but Ive always had a chaperone and traveled on the Church bus. I suppose I could have asked Melody to MiBuy me a veilit isnt quite as important to try them on as I led her to believebut I want to make the most of my time with her. I want to go out and see the world beyond Goodside. I want to reach as many people as possible. If I serve well, this could be a life-changing experience for both of us.

It has to be.

When Melody suggested we browse at Babiez R U, I got nervous. I knew it wasnt a place of righteousness. Stores like this make a mockery out of Heavens greatest gifts and my housesisters testify all the time about how bad company ruins good habits, which is why Im so lucky to have them in my life. But I have complete faith in my faith. Theres no reason to be afraid of anything I see here.

I pray that by joining Melody in this store, we will finally twinbond. Its been a month since our miraculous reunion and she has yet to call me sister. In fact, she has yet to say much to me at all, unless I ask her directly. Melody has been open about herself but uncurious about me, answering ten times the number of questions that she has asked, a tally that stands at three: What are you doing here?; Why didnt you tell me you were coming?; and I dont think youll need another veil while youre here but if its that important to you then I guess we can go to the Mallplex, okay?

Despite her reticence, just standing next to my sister is as exhilarating as cruising across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge, over the Delaware River, the cab taking me out of one state and into the next just as the sun crowned the horizon....

Thats how I lost my best veil.

I longed to merge with this glorious landscape! I longed to unite with the majestic skyline! I longed to revel in His goodness at a hundred miles per hour. I lowered the window and stuck out my head, and shouted out.

Halllllleeeeeellllluuuuuujaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Angel screamed, swerved, screeched the breaks, and screamed some more. We were blessed that there arent too many cars on the road at sunrise.

Once I was safe back inside the car, she prayed about my recklessness before saying she was surprised to see such behavior out of a Church girl like me.