J. Mac McCafferty - Life Lessons Learned Down at the Pub: The Diary of a Barman

Life Lessons Learned Down at the Pub

The Diary of a Barman

J. Mac McCafferty

2015

Copyright 2015 by J. Mac McCafferty.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 10/08/2015

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Contents

INTRODUCTION

The Ocean is teeming with life

Y ou do something for thirty-five years you think you know what youre doing. Ive worked in the bar business for that amount of time and the one thing I think I learned better than anything else is, I dont now, or ever want to own a bar! This is Life Lesson 1 . Most people when they buy a bar think it will be brilliant fun, hanging with your buds, throwing back the brews and making tons of moneyor at least pay the bills. If they worked at a pub they figure, How hard can it be? Sure I fantasized ownership of a watering hole, anyone that has ever been in a bar has, but I never really seriously considered it. Probably I would consider myself not much of a risk taker, stay the path, work for someone else, let them have the worries, the responsibilities and the risk. Not that Ive ever had a few hundred thousand dollars laying around to invest into a tavern. I didnt fear the long hours, hell I was doing that working a regular job and numerous bar jobs anyhow. I didnt concern myself that my employees would rob me blind I knew they would ( Life Lesson 213 employees will rob you ). I just thought the risks were greater than the rewards.

Ive worked at around ten different bars over my career and met plenty of great owners that were purveyors of malted, distilled and fermented beverages. Some places I worked for decades, some just to fill in, some till they closed, most privately owned but some corporately run. Some had over-priced drinks while others were really over priced. Most served food of some fashion, a few with menus of outstanding dietary offerings while others offered foods that never quite made it onto the Dean Ornish program, they may have made it to the Doctor Oz show but mainly served what makes us sick and die young. In the following pages I am going to take you on my lifetime voyage in the business, introduce you to characters you couldnt make upwell I guess you could, but Im not making them up, I have witnesses that can attest to the accuracy of my tales (many of those witnesses are characters described on these pages kind of like having a convicted murderer testify as to the character of another accused murderer at trial). But that being said I have learned many valuable lessons to apply to life during this thirty-five year period. On the pages that follow I will try to pass along the knowledge and life lessons I have harvested while on my journey. This book is written for my own enjoyment and for the enjoyment of my close friends. Some of the contents undoubtedly will bring horror as opposed to joy to those chronicled within.

You come to realize when working at a pub that what your selling isnt drinks, what youre receiving isnt tips. Working at the pub is a character-study; each and every person you interact with is a story. The people may not be telling you their story, hell they maybe telling you some other persons story but they all have a story or at least they are a story.

CHAPTER 1

The Joints

Life Lesson 345; everyone is important

A fter a thirty plus year career in the business you see a lot of things, you learn a lot of things and eventually you write them down into a diary of a lifes work. Ive worked at more than ten different bars and restaurants over the years. Some were small neighborhood pubs and bars while others were corporately owned, no personality businesses. Some made mounds of money while others barely got by. Some lasted for decades while I worked there, some I worked at for a brief period for various reasons. I was twenty-one when I started at my first bar job, just out of college, trying to decide what I would do for the rest of my life. Here I am thirty-five years later writing my recollections down more for me than for you. I am who I am today as a result of the time slaving away at serving people drinks and tossing people out for breaking the rules of the establishment. I worked as a bouncer, a bartender, a food server, a barista, a dishwasher, a busboy, a cook and a therapist in need of therapy. I even spent a few months bottling beer in a brewery. If you work in the bar business long enough you will eventually do a little of everything. While working in the business Ive met many people I love, as much as the members of my own family while being exposed to people I wouldnt piss on if they were on fire. Most of the people Ive met I cant even recall, even if they can recall me.

Bimbos Sing-a Long: The greatest joint ever

Life Lesson 451 Peter Pan effect dont ever grow up

Your first love is one that youll never forget, at least thats what some say. I dont know about that but I can tell you that the first bar I worked was the greatest bar ever. Working at Bimbos changed everything for me, I became a part of another family and began a thirty-five year journey in the bar business. Bimbos was a sing a long place that was a forerunner of Chuckie Cheese. The place offered family entertainment for kids parties, had a menu of pizza, pasta, hoagies and burgers. The house band was a group called the Steel City Stompers that converted to an adult show after seven in the evening on Fridays and Saturdays. What made it adult was the jokes became aimed more at older customers. They really used the same jokes and format for the show but customers were the ones that made it more vulgar. Sunday was kids day, an earlier than usual matinee of our kids show, with a twin, repeat show later. Monday was spaghetti night, a pound of pasta smothered in pizza sauce for three dollars. Tuesday was burger night, a burger for two bucks. Wednesday was turtle races, a health departments nightmare. Thursdays were pizza night, a really low price for some pizza. Fridays and Saturdays were the Sodom and Gomorrah reunion nights where all hell broke loose. The place produced a profit but not enough of a profit apparently because it closed in 1983 to make room for a restaurant called Froggys Roadhouse.

Froggys Steaks & Chops; Home to the most mouthwatering drinks

Froggys was a hot spot in Pittsburgh for twenty-five years. The food was good and the drinks were ridiculous. When on their first trip to Froggys, serious drinkers would get up to the bar and order a double whatever. As a bartender you would explain that we dont make doubles. The newbie would ask, Youre not allowed to make a double? You would explain that a double just wouldnt fit. The way Froggys made a mixed drink you would have thought the most expensive part of the drink was the mixer as opposed to the liquor. If someone ordered a rum and Coke the drink contained only a splash of Coke. This led to many asking for a side of Coke or additional Coke as you drank it down. This also led to most people getting crushed after two or three drinks. Where most bars were getting twelve to fifteen drinks from a fifth of liquor we were only getting seven to nine from the same fifth. Also our well brands of liquors would have been a call brand at most bars. If you wanted rum, it was Bacardi, if you wanted vodka, it was Smirnoff, if you wanted bourbon it was Jim Beam. If you asked for whiskey you were given Seagrams Seven, Canadian Club or VO. Our house scotch was Dewars, the house gin was Gordons and our house tequila was Cuervo Gold. Blender drinks were discouraged, Froggys libations were for serious drinkers not for the foo-foo, umbrella drink crowd.