Heppermann - Ask Me How I Got Here

Immaculate Heart has a natatorium? Ha! Were not Lakeside! Contents

For Eric,who doesnt have to ask H ow do you meet guys if you go to an all-girls school? Immaculate Heart Academy is named for the pure love of God that flows through Marys heart. But heres the real reason why our logo is a hunk of dripping muscle: five hundred girls in red plaid skirts. Even if we brushed with garlic toothpaste we couldnt keep the vampires away. Sophomore year and Im dating a junior from our brother school, St. Lukes. Craig is cute but kind of a jerk, always getting too drunk.

Kissing him is like licking the inside of a keg. Nick is Craigs best friend. He waits with me at Josie Hemples party while Craig pees in the bushes. He lets me wear his sweatshirt after Craig soaks me in Old Milwaukee. Later he sits with me in Craigs car at Lake Calhoun where the hockey team has decided only pussies think its too cold to swim. He tells me Craigs a really great guy when he isnt shit-faced.

We watch Craig whoop it up in soggy boxer briefs, and suddenly we both want not to see that anymore, so we slouch down in the seat, and while were there a kiss just seems to happen which makes us sit up straight fast. We should wait until he sobers up. Nick agrees. Might be a good idea for him to be conscious first. God, those dimples are sweet. He drives with one hand on the steering wheel, takes his other hand off my thigh to turn down the heat Craig blasted before he passed out. In my driveway, its like were the parents, and Craig is our big drooly baby asleep in the backseat.

Think hes going to be pissed? More like relieved. What? Look, Addie, try not to be too mad, okay? Hes been feeling super guilty. He didnt know how to tell you about him and Iris. All of them are monsters. This one is adorable as he presses his warm forehead into mine, wraps me in his delicious demon breath, whispers, Im sorry Craig has been such a dick. You deserve better.

I whisper back, No kidding. So give it to me. Right now? he teases. What if Craig wakes up? Then he gets one last look at what hell be missing. An hour later, brushing my teeth, Im still glowing in the dark. And Craig can kiss it. Iris wont give his lips the time off. We should both be thankful that his lips have a constructive new hobby. I think you should wait for me over by the fountain. Now Im insulted. Says the guy who hasnt run since eighth grade. Ive been conserving my strength. Right. Look, were not climbing Mount Everest.Were going up and down a dinky hill at the park a few times. Ten times. Ten. Numbers dont scare me. Okay then, Mr. Mathlete. Mathlete.

Run hard to the top. Coast to the bottom. Got it. You can stop anytime. In your dreams! Nick? ........ Dont just nod. Speak. think... Try to add a word next time. I... think... think...

I... Good job! Another word? willwaitforyoubythefountain. Nick teaches bass at his uncles music store. I like to hang out there and wait for him. Yesterday I was sitting at the back of the lesson room, sort of studying for my biology final, sort of staring into space while he worked with a squirmy kid whose fingernails kept snagging on the strings. Finally Nick said, Lets give you a manicure, dude. He opened up the scissors on his pocketknife, and the kid sat completely still while Nick trimmed each little nail. the band Nick plays in is called Side Effects because ingesting Milos songs has been known to cause nausea, eye rolling, and an aversion to circuses. the band Nick plays in is called Side Effects because ingesting Milos songs has been known to cause nausea, eye rolling, and an aversion to circuses.

Milos never been a future Grammy winner, but everything he wrote didnt used to be about evil trapeze artists (High Wire Murder-Suicide) or evil Disney princesses (Satanic Jasmine) or evil hermit crabs (Crustacean Femme Fatale). Then Sabrina dumped him for Drake, the inspiration for that Milo Christmas classic Die, Flaming Asswipe, Die. What do you think? I shout at Claire. What do I what? She signals for me to follow her away from the speakers, but I stay while Milo writhes, dry humps the mic; while Jordan smirks, winks, and juggles his sticks; while Craig sinks to his knees at the edge of the stage for a solo, thrusting his crotch toward the unlucky ladies in the front row; while Nick stands with his head bowed over his bass, startled to find when he opens his eyes that the world is still here. When I say I feel like a groupie, a total clich, Nick reassures me: Youre not. The bass player never gets any action.

So thats what I ambesides naked and ready to dive under the bed every time some dumbass drunk jiggles the locked doorknob, falsettos Hello? Anybody home?Im action. Who asked you to move? Let me do all the work. He scoots down by my feet, gently parts my legs, puts his face, his lips, his tongue where Craig never would, and wow Im so thankful that Nick is a sensitive artist, a total clich. Land of ten thousand lakes, nine of them right here in Minneapolis, one of them only a few blocks from my house. I jog down to meet Claire. We like to run early when its still cool, and the path isnt clogged with ice cream carts and double-wide strollers.

The first thing she says when she sees me? You look like shit. Always tactful, that girl. Nick and I were at Milos till two A.M. babysitting Iris. She took too big a hit. Thought her lungs were on fire.

Where was Craig? Playing Guitar Hero. Somehow his slammin rendition of Sweet Child o Mine didnt help her chill. What an asshole. Always right, that girl. Halfway around, I feel the magic start to rise, feel it spread through my muscles. So what. So what.

Stride by stride, breath by breath, Im waking up. Three Likes for the hot new Side Effects single Sea World Seduction, andwhat the hellIll make it four because who would have thought there were so many awesome rhymes for Shamu? If youre brave enough for mad passion with your sweet innocent mother right downstairs, go ahead. It was the same for my brother James when he lived at home, though his room was a pit that put girls in the mood to update their tetanus shots. Bottom line is, my parents trust me. And they really like Nick. Dad: He has a good head on his shoulders.

Mom: Hes so polite! Its true; in fact just now Nick asked me politely if he was being too loud, and I said, Ill shut the door. Nick leans against my headboard. How was that? Fantastic. Better than the first one? I liked them both. Okay, tell me what you think of this. to write lyrics because wouldnt it be great for Side Effects to have one measly song that doesnt make him want to crawl behind his amp? I cant. Sure you can. I cant! How is it different from writing a poem? My poems are not for, like, the masses. Do it for me, Addie. Do it for me, Addie.

Please? Promise not to make that pathetic face ever again, and Ill try. I cant lose you.I cant find you.I cant love you.I cant define you.I cant change you.I cant accept you.I cant erase you.I cant let youbum a cigarettepet my marmosetjoin a string quartet Im Milo. you cant see what I wrote. Yes, Ill keep trying. Just because we arent in churchdoesnt mean we havent founda place to worship

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