Michael N. Smith - 100 of the Worst Ideas in History

Copyright 2014 by Michael N. Smith and Eric Kasum

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Smith, Michael N.

100 of the worst ideas in history : humanitys thundering brainstorms turned blundering brain farts / by Michael N. Smith and Eric Kasum.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

(trade : alk. paper) 1. World historyHumor. 2. World historyAnecdotes. 3. HistoryMiscellanea. I. Kasum, Eric. II. Title. III. Title: One hundred of the worst ideas in history.

D23.5.S65 2014

909dc23

2013048227

To Phyllis, who helped me become a better writer. To Walt, who helped me become a better worker. To Debora and Drew, who helped me become a better person.Mike

To Marah, my angel and the light of my life. To Ben and John, the most wonderful sons in the whole world, you make me so proud. And to my dad, Michael, who gave me my writing dream.Eric

Introduction

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

They are priceless, multifaceted jewels of misjudgment. Masterworks of the moronic. Steroid-juiced stupidity wearing a size 9XX dunce cap embroidered with one simple word: Duh.

They are the colossally, cringingly, often laughably bad notions that have leapt from the short-circuiting synapses of some of the worlds brightest (and dimmest) brains, now faithfully chronicled here as 100 of the Worst Ideas in History .

Hailing from the worlds of politics, popular culture, international relations, finance, business, sports, entertainment, and newsfrom the near and distant pastthese shoddy concepts have started wars, sunk countries, wrecked companies, scuttled careers, lost millions, endangered Earth, and left the bad ideas mommy or daddy as red faced as, well, your mom or dad will be when they learn that you like to dress your pit bull as one of the Backstreet Boys.

On this rollicking romp through the bungles and stumbles of humanity, well:

Meet the U.S. president who starts each day skinny-dipping in the Potomac.

Sample the dental hygiene product that could rot your teeth.

Get an earful of the hit singing group that cant really sing.

Munch on the tasty new snack food that might just give you diarrhea.

Drop by the restaurant chain named after a derogatory term for African Americans.

Encounter the famed archaeologist whose discovery of the missing link is revealed to be a monkey jaw glued to a human skull.

Stick an angry ferret down our pants for fun and prizes.

Plus so much more (of so much less).

Peppered with scores of info-taining photos, Hey-I-Didnt-Know-That factoids, and perspective-gaining Afterthoughts, this collection of our species most stupendously stinky thinking spotlights how the ideas of yesterdayfrom funny flubs to the stunningly strange to classic mind-bogglerscontinue to resonate in each of our lives today.

Without further ado and in no particular order, here are 100 of historys thundering brainstorms that turned out to be blundering brain farts.

WHOPPING HISTORICAL FOUL-UPS AND FAUX PAS

The Presidents Scandalous Em-Bare-Ass-Ment

The Bad Idea:

Start each day with a skinny-dip in the Potomac.

The genius behind it:

U.S. president John Quincy Adams

The brainstorm struck:

1825

Bring on the blunder:

Nearly a half century after George Washington dons a three-cornered hat, courageously crosses the Delaware River, and defeats the British redcoats, President John Quincy Adams strips down to his birthday suit, swims naked in the Potomac River, and leaves America red faced.

Giving crack of dawn a whole new meaning, each morning Adams sneaks down to the riverbank, surreptitiously undresses, and proceeds to folly about with the local ducks and geeseall the while naked as a jaybird.

From bad to worse:

Reporter Anne Royall, upon learning of Adamss au naturel aquatic adventures, hides out in the Potomacs foliage and catches the unsuspecting Prez in the buff. Opportunistically scooping up the commander in chiefs briefs, she holds his clothing captive until Adams reluctantly agrees to grant her a long-awaited interview.

Although the interview goes swimminglyand Royall promises to keep the presidents daily skinny-dip a watertight secretother reporters eventually learn about Adamss ballsy escapades and expose him (so to speak), much to his (and the nations) embarrassment.

Dumb luck:

The expos does little to forward the Adams administrations policy agenda. Hes soundly defeated for reelection in 1828 by Andrew Jackson. In the end, the electorate, upon contemplating Adamss sagging credibility (and saggy backside), concludes: The emperor has no clothes.

Afterthoughts:

Benjamin Franklin and President Teddy Roosevelt were also said to be fans of skinny-dipping. But the media never caught them with their pants down.

Why Is Dumbo Wearing Hiking Boots?

The Bad Idea:

Insist that an elephant cant climb the Alps.