Neil Gaiman - Day of the dead: a Babylon 5 script

Lochley says nothing. Perhaps an eyebrow raises. SHERIDAN (contd) Theyll be clearing customs any minute now. Excited? LOCHLEY No, Mr. President. I am not excited.

SHERIDAN Not even a little? I mean, this is a pretty big day for Babylon 5, Captain. LOCHLEY With respect, sir, your inauguration was a big day for Babylon 5. The day that President Clark killed himself was a big day for Babylon 5. Im afraid today doesnt register more than the tiniest blip on my pretty big day for Babylon 5 scale. Garibaldi has spotted Sheridan and comes over. GARIBALDI Its the big day.

SHERIDAN AND GARIBALDI (TOGETHER) Zoot-zoot-zoot! Lochley looks at them like a woman watching men do a three stooges routine, and sighs and goes back to her book. INT. CORRIDOR. TELEVISION MONITORS. In the corridor a certain amount of bustle, although a number of aliens and humans are standing around watching the TV screens, expectantly. Several Brakiri are marking off the corridor, under the leadership of A (nonspeaking part) PRIEST, who has a large map of Babylon 5, with crayoned markings around a thin pie-wedge area of the station.

One Brakiri is up a ladder. The Brakiri have chalks, and rolls of string and decorative tinselwhatever they could find cheaply in the market. Its almost as if theyre decorating for a very ramshackle Xmas. They all have comets pinned to their robes. On the TV an INS reporter is reading the news. meaning that the 2268 Olympic Games will be the first to be held off Earth. meaning that the 2268 Olympic Games will be the first to be held off Earth.

But I think we can safely say it wont be the last. (and on the lighter side) And finally, as all of you must be aware by now, its a pretty big day for Babylon 5. Andyes, we can now take you live... INT. CUSTOMS HALL. STEADICAM.

The words LIVE TRANSMISSION flash at the bottom of the screen, as into the customs area come REBO AND ZOOTY, both human. This is the substance of Rebo and Zootys act, and their stage personas: Rebo is an idiot who think he knows everything, and is thus a fool, Zooty is an idiot who knows nothing and is thus wise. Think Laurel and Hardy, Abbot and Costello, Groucho and Harpo. They bring anarchy with them. They wear hats. CUSTOMS OFFICER Anything to declare? REBO I have nothing to declare, my good man, except my genius.

Zooty somehow got around to the Customs officers side of the desk. He has a goofy and endearing smile. ZOOTY And I have nothing to declare except Rebos genius, either. REBO Thank you Zooty. They grin delightedly at each other. The customs officer looks exasperated.

Zooty raises one leg, in the old Harpo Marx routine, so that the customs officer finds himself holding Zootys leg. ZOOTY Zoot zoot! INT. CORRIDOR. TELEVISION MONITORS. Lochley, Sheridan and Garibaldi walk past from off-camera, and we follow them. They pass the people we saw before.

We hear the crowd laughing, human and alien. Lochley is carrying her book and folders. GARIBALDI Sounds like theyre through immigration already. LOCHLEY Sir, what do you know of Brakiri Religious customs? SHERIDAN Er. They um. Nope.

GARIBALDI All I know is that they hate comets. Even mentioning a comet to a Brakiri is some kind of awful taboo. Death. Its the symbol of death. A Brakiri is attaching a dangling comet to the tinsel. SHERIDAN Why do you ask? LOCHLEY They want me to sell them part of Babylon 5 tonight.

For religious reasons. INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE LONDOS QUARTERS A display of comets and skulls. From which we pull back to see Londo take a candy Brakiri-skull from the BRAKIRI SALESMAN, who has set up in the corridor. LONDO It reminds me of my senior ex-wife. What is it? SALESMAN Candy.