Ruth A. Tucker - Black and white Bible, black and blue wife: my story of finding hope after domestic abuse

PRAISE FOR

black and white BIBLE, black and blue wife

Ruth Tuckers historical and biblical scholarship has informed my own journey and that of countless egalitarians. In this book, however, her pedagogy is a story of abuseher own. It is as powerful as it is personal, exposing the perils of a patriarchal reading of Scripture. Because Ruths experiences are all too common, Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife is essential reading for pastors, seminarians, counselors, NGO workers, and indeed anyone who believes God speaks to us from the pages of Scripture.

DR. MIMI HADDAD,
president of Christians for Biblical Equality
(www.cbeinternational.org)

I first knew Ruth Tucker as a colleague when she was much closer to the beginning of the story she recounts in this book. Ironically (or providentially), it was when she joined a team of women scholars working on a volume whose subtitle was Facing the Challenge of Gender Reconciliation. In Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife, she recounts the messy but also redemptive details of her own struggle with domestic violencea topic that, one way or another, affects us all. This is a very courageous account that should motivate readers to action, even as it may disturb them.

MARY STEWART VAN LEEUWEN,
professor (emerita) of psychology,
Eastern University

This book could save the lives of women trapped by domestic abuse. By courageously reliving in print years of degrading violence at the hands of her Christian leader ex-husband, Professor Ruth A. Tucker exposes a problem of epic proportions that tragically exists unchecked behind closed doors within evangelicalism. Worse yet, she demonstrates how such violence is actually fueled by so-called Christian theology that empowers men with authority and privilege over women and children under the guise of husbandly headship, servant leadership, and calls for wifely submission. At great personal cost, Tucker drives a stake in the ground, insisting that abusive behavior is both unacceptable and indeed criminal. Her book is nothing less than a damning indictment of the churchs tendency to justify or turn a blind eye to abuses happening within our own ranks. It is a prophetic call to rethink our theology of male and female. The church belongs on the forefront in the battle to root out and end abuse, to provide safe haven for the abused, and to see to it that abusers are brought to justice.

CAROLYN CUSTIS JAMES,
author of Malestrom: Manhood Swept into the
Currents of a Changing World

Other Books by Ruth A. Tucker

From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya: A Biographical
History of Christian Missions

Daughters of the Church: Women and Ministry from New
Testament Times to the Present (with Walter Liefeld)

Private Lives of Pastors Wives: From the
Reformation to the Present

Guardians of the Great Commission: The
Story of Women in Modern Missions

The Christian Speakers Treasury: A
Sourcebook of Anecdotes and Quotes

Another Gospel: Alternative Religions
and the New Age Movement

Stories of Faith: Daily Devotions from the Family of God
Women in the Maze: Questions and Answers on Biblical Equality

Multiple Choices: Making Wise Decisions
in a Complicated World

The Family Album: Portraits of Family Life through the Centuries
Seasons of Motherhood: A Garden of Memories

Not Ashamed: The Story of Jews for Jesus

Walking Away from Faith: Unraveling the
Mystery of Belief and Unbelief

God Talk: Cautions for Those Who Hear the Voice of God

Left Behind in a Megachurch World: How God
Works Through Ordinary Churches

Leadership Reconsidered: Becoming a Person of Influence
Parade of Faith: A Biographical History of the Christian Church

The Biographical Bible: Exploring the Biblical
Narrative from Adam and Eve to John of Patmos

Dynamic Women of the Bible: What We Can
Learn from Their Surprising Stories

Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My
Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse

ZONDERVAN

Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife

Copyright 2016 by Ruth A. Tucker

ePub Edition February 2016: ISBN 978-0-3105-2499-1

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Tucker, Ruth, 1945

Title: Black and white Bible, black and blue wife : my story of finding hope after domestic abuse / Ruth A. Tucker.

Description: Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2016. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2015033006 | ISBN 9780310524984 (softcover)

Subjects: LCSH: Sex crimesReligious aspectsChristianity. | MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. | Sex roleReligious aspectsChristianity. | Family violenceReligious aspectsChristianity | Interpersonal relationsReligious aspectsChristianity | Tucker, Ruth, 1945

Classification: LCC BV4596.A2 T83 2016 | DDC 261.8/327dc23 LC record available at http://lcnn.loc.gov/2015033006

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com. All rights reserved worldwide. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Cover design: John Hamilton Design

Cover photo: Michael Engman / GettyImages.com

Interior design: Denise Froehlich

16 17 18 19 20 21 / DHV / 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

In memory of
Deana

These slightly altered lines are from
the first and final stanzas
of a rare and treasured 1888 volume
that I keep on my desk.

The Death of the Flowers
by
William Cullen Bryant

The melancholy days are come, the saddest of the year,
Of wailing winds, and naked woods, and
meadows brown and sere...
And then I think of one who in her youthful beauty died,
The fair meek blossom that grew up and faded by my side.
In the cold moist earth we laid her, when the forests cast the leaf,
And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief.

This book was both easy and traumatic to write.
There are things here
which I had very effectively buried
under layers of emotional scar tissue.
The process of tearing it away was
in some cases pleasurable
and in others deeply disturbing.
But it was always liberating.
PETER GODWIN, MUKIWA: A WHITE BOY IN AFRICA

contents

I had a woman who was in a church that I served, and she was being subject to some abuse, and I told her, I said, All right, what I want you to do is, every evening I want you to get down by your bed just as he goes to sleep, get down by the bed, and when you think hes just about asleep, you just pray and ask God to intervene, not out loud, quietly, but I said, You just pray there. And I said, Get ready because he may get a little more violent, you know, when he discovers this. And sure enough, he did. She came to church one morning with both eyes black. And she was angry at me and at God and the world, for that matter. And she said, I hope youre happy. And I said, Yes maam, I am. And I said, Im sorry about that, but Im very happy.